Going to aa has made my mind spin
One of my favorite bits about visiting Britain was listening to the voices and the languages.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Getting back to the post from the OP,try plenty of AA meetings,they vary,so many people give up before they have given AA a good shot.It is the 12 steps of recovery that are the most important,not the meetings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by Seiceps 
Hey Skye it sure is early morning here. The ex just told me he went on a date. I'm gutted, heartbroken. I'm just so sick of being alive. And that's not me. Aa just threw me. It's so intense , so sad , and I'm just thinking wtf am I doing here. I'm scared to death. And my go to cure : booze isn't fixing it anymore. So what now ? Once you open the door to I'm an alcoholic there is no more relief. The relief is now the misery and it's shocking. What now ? Abstinence ? Great that sounds fun. But there are no more choices. It's like being told what to do. I hate it. Petulant , ****** **** right now. ; )
In my limited experience (39-days now), things do slowly get better. I feel quite a bit better since I've started to re-engaged my life; continue working the program, repairing myself, learning to enjoy my own company, accepting that I may not get another chance (EXGF), getting back into fitness (weight training & MMA), hobbies (dirt biking), fixing up my house, increased effort/focus at work, etc. Not only am I starting to feel better, I look better, and I'm becoming a better more interesting and fulfilled person. It's the pursuit of the above that will ultimately offer me the life I want, make me interesting enough to draw EXGF back, and allow me to accept it if she doesn't.
None of this has been easy, it's been a grind to push myself to do. I'm nowhere close to having the life I want, but I'm light years ahead of where I was 39 days ago. I find the more results I see, the more motivated to continue I become. When I started everyone told me it gets better. They were right. Hang in there!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Early recovery is scary.
I didn't want to change either. Change terrified me.
I just wanted to drink with no bad consequences. I had to accept that was impossible for me, and I had to accept that change was inevitable.
AA seems like a good way to go for that face to face contact - and the good thing is - no lock in contracts
Keep going Seiceps- I promise you things get better
D
I didn't want to change either. Change terrified me.
I just wanted to drink with no bad consequences. I had to accept that was impossible for me, and I had to accept that change was inevitable.
AA seems like a good way to go for that face to face contact - and the good thing is - no lock in contracts
Keep going Seiceps- I promise you things get better
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I would think your head is spinning because you are in very early recovery and you're dealing with some life issues like a break-up. It's not AA. It's your disease. You could be saying the same thing about a therapist, or even SR.
So I'd keep giving the program a chance. At the worst, you sit, listen and don't drink for an hour. That's not too bad a deal. We are not a glum lot. It may seem like it through the eyes of someone in early recovery, but sobriety has brought nothing but happiness to a lot of people like me who appeared beyond saving.
And if it really doesn't work for you, even after keeping an open mind and really listening to what people are saying, then you try something else. But do SOMETHING. Don't leave your recovery up to chance.
Just keep pushing forward. With each day sober, it gets a little better. And those days start to pile up quickly after the initial push.
So I'd keep giving the program a chance. At the worst, you sit, listen and don't drink for an hour. That's not too bad a deal. We are not a glum lot. It may seem like it through the eyes of someone in early recovery, but sobriety has brought nothing but happiness to a lot of people like me who appeared beyond saving.
And if it really doesn't work for you, even after keeping an open mind and really listening to what people are saying, then you try something else. But do SOMETHING. Don't leave your recovery up to chance.
Just keep pushing forward. With each day sober, it gets a little better. And those days start to pile up quickly after the initial push.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Good on you Seiceps. Most of us - if not all of us - here, get what you're talking about. Emotional pain, BIG emotional pain, in early recovery is super-hard to go through, yeah.
And yes, Skye, it's all true: Kiwis DO say 'six' :-)
But we love 'em - and they love us, isn't that right?!
And yes, Skye, it's all true: Kiwis DO say 'six' :-)
But we love 'em - and they love us, isn't that right?!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
Of course we ( cough cough ) love you , especially when we play rugby against , oh what is yr team called again ??? Is it wannabes or wallabies ?? ; ))))
What I've discovered / discovering is that it actually becomes impossible to drink enough to numb the pain in the end. They say things roll around in 7 yrs. just realised this Xmas it's been 14 years since we met. End of a cycle. Beginning of the next. Bring it on.
What I've discovered / discovering is that it actually becomes impossible to drink enough to numb the pain in the end. They say things roll around in 7 yrs. just realised this Xmas it's been 14 years since we met. End of a cycle. Beginning of the next. Bring it on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NZ
Posts: 238
As an aside figure I'll fess up about last night. Sigh. Got a txt from the prince telling me he'd been on a date sat night. ( date ? Date ? What is this sweet valley high - we don't really use that term here a lot ) ( and date. - don't you mean got drunk and shagged someone ??) anyway I replied quite nicely ok but prob best for me if you don't tell me. Then .... Sobbed and sobbed. ( anyone who is remotely interested the sordid details are in my old posts ) yawn , I'm sure I'm the only one that is. So sobbing , red wine , ohhhh it's run out better get some more. Two beers at the local bar , another bottle of red. I was ridding my bike as I had run the car out if gas day before. Good one. It was raining, I ended up skidding and going over the handle bars. A car stops to see if I'm ok , turns out they know me thru best mates parents , insist on driving me home. I was so drunk what a sorry sad , wet , bloodied twit I must have looked. Ok I prob wouldn't have come off my bike had it not been raining but still. Went to bed after making an unholy mess making tacos for the kids in the kitchen as one put it : it looks like a Mexican exploded in here ! Woke at midnight , sent about ten emails to ex. Got to sleep at 4:30 am , up for work at six. Managed to make it thru the day. Went and got some sleeping pills today. A crutch I try and avoid but know if I have them I'll get some sleep without having to get plastered. Am I drinking ? Yip. Got one bottle of wine ( sorry ) .. Then that's it. Off work tomorrow and it starts then. Good old tomorrow aye ? So close , yet far enough away. So your going to have to give me a rev up tomorrow. I will never lie on here I promise. That is one rule I will stick too , otherwise it's pointless. Thx for listening once more. Kia kaha x
Journey to Freedom
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 323
Hey Seiceps, I could be missing something here from one of your previous posts (I apologize if I have, just got here a few days ago) but I'm a little confused as to why your ex is telling you about his dates. Are you both still good friends? Just curious more than anything. If it hurts you to talk to him, perhaps it would be a positive experience to just let him go....?
*hug* I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't despair, sometimes it takes more than once. It took me 13 attempts to get to where I am. Just let us know how you are doing when you have a moment.
*hug* I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't despair, sometimes it takes more than once. It took me 13 attempts to get to where I am.
Just let us know how you are doing when you have a moment.
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