Holiday Cravings R Scary
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: washington
Posts: 5
Holiday Cravings R Scary
Hello everyone, I initally posted this under another thread but realized I am actually needing some real help here and didn't much to offer in the way of advice to the OP. So this is my situation. I've been sober nearly 11 months. Incidentally, I had been sober for 4 or 5 months before i drank, eleven months ago. Which was on Christmas. So i'm thinking the holidays are a fairly big trigger for me. I'm 25, but the union of family and friends seems to overstimulate me and cause anxiety and then i'm thinking about alcohol.
I am very invested in my sobriety and have been staunch and severe about it. However, now that its been eleven months, something FREAKY is happening. I'm really scared. Im craving and thinking intensely about alcohol. it happened to me tonight while I was on the ELLIPTICAL. What a weird time--when I'm trying to do something good for my health. And it was more of a physical craving than other cravings i've dealth with (there was one around halloween), which were more mental or psychological.
It freaked me out so much I got off the elliptical and laid on the ground, just trying to think about what the **** was happening. There is the part of me that "wants" to drink or whatever, and then there is the other 75% that's screaming No No No and having a full on panic attack because I am committed to sobriety and so many wonderful things have come from it.
I am not the kind of alcoholic that drinks everyday, i am the kind of alcoholic that acts like an alcoholic when they do drink, only if thats once or twice a month (and it was far more frequent in college, before i ever got hangovers). In the last 5 years, alcohol did nothing but absolute **** to me--it degraded my physical and mental health, leaving me heavier than i'd ever been as an always skinny girl and depressed and anxious, most notably after heavy drinking. think hangover + panic attack + depression. Not fun.
Anyway, I should probably go to a meeting tomorrow. I had been attending meetings for a few weeks in the last month or so (I had not attended since starting sobriety eleven months ago, only in the past past). But, I guess I got bored with it and felt I didn't "need" them. Ugh boy. I'm seeing now that this is more complicated than I thought.
Another thing that happened that I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with is smoking marijuana. I hadn't smoked marijuana for the whole time I've been sober till a few nights ago. I obviously don't count smoking marijuana as violating alcohol sobriety, but i understand its a slippery fish or whatever and was scared as hell to smoke pot. But at the same point, I was feeling sick of being stuck in my own head and had been feeling irritable and not enjoying myself at all, like in social situations (where my other friends do smoke pot). The pot did help me relax and have more fun. I tried smoking some the next night, however, and felt not great. I was tired and irritable and lacking appetite and it just made it worse. I also lost my dad 1 month and 1 week ago to suicide and that was obviously extremely traumatic and I have spent every day since that happened crying, going through the pain and horror of grief, sober in every respect. I have a lot of family support and come from a privileged family, so I am lucky in this regard. But I guess I feel I'm at a strange point in sobriety.
Why am I having these freaky thoughts and urges surrounding alcohol and how the F do I make it stop?! I have almost lost all the weight I gained from drinking (25 lbs) and I almost feel like its some kind of physical reaction in the last stage of the last few pounds coming off. That might sound wack but its like my body knows that the weight that is coming off was created out of alcohol (and sugar) and is sending a signal to my brain to drink more and pack on more pounds, cuz its scared of how things are changing. Its like I'm reaching my goal that I've wanted for so long (I couldn't wait to be a year sober, and look and feel good again), and now my brain is trying to sabatoge it? I know my whole world would coming crashing down if I drank, i might even get so depressed I thought about self harm. So why the F would I even think about something like alcohol?
How do others deal with the creepy pull of cravings? It almost feels like internal peer pressure...these scary voices coming up saying "u'd probably be fine if you drank" "doesn't it sound kind of fun to get drunk during the holidays?" "how're you going to make it through the holidays if you're not at least a little drunk?" AHHHHH Is it the pot? I kind of like having the option to smoke occasionally :/
I am very invested in my sobriety and have been staunch and severe about it. However, now that its been eleven months, something FREAKY is happening. I'm really scared. Im craving and thinking intensely about alcohol. it happened to me tonight while I was on the ELLIPTICAL. What a weird time--when I'm trying to do something good for my health. And it was more of a physical craving than other cravings i've dealth with (there was one around halloween), which were more mental or psychological.
It freaked me out so much I got off the elliptical and laid on the ground, just trying to think about what the **** was happening. There is the part of me that "wants" to drink or whatever, and then there is the other 75% that's screaming No No No and having a full on panic attack because I am committed to sobriety and so many wonderful things have come from it.
I am not the kind of alcoholic that drinks everyday, i am the kind of alcoholic that acts like an alcoholic when they do drink, only if thats once or twice a month (and it was far more frequent in college, before i ever got hangovers). In the last 5 years, alcohol did nothing but absolute **** to me--it degraded my physical and mental health, leaving me heavier than i'd ever been as an always skinny girl and depressed and anxious, most notably after heavy drinking. think hangover + panic attack + depression. Not fun.
Anyway, I should probably go to a meeting tomorrow. I had been attending meetings for a few weeks in the last month or so (I had not attended since starting sobriety eleven months ago, only in the past past). But, I guess I got bored with it and felt I didn't "need" them. Ugh boy. I'm seeing now that this is more complicated than I thought.
Another thing that happened that I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with is smoking marijuana. I hadn't smoked marijuana for the whole time I've been sober till a few nights ago. I obviously don't count smoking marijuana as violating alcohol sobriety, but i understand its a slippery fish or whatever and was scared as hell to smoke pot. But at the same point, I was feeling sick of being stuck in my own head and had been feeling irritable and not enjoying myself at all, like in social situations (where my other friends do smoke pot). The pot did help me relax and have more fun. I tried smoking some the next night, however, and felt not great. I was tired and irritable and lacking appetite and it just made it worse. I also lost my dad 1 month and 1 week ago to suicide and that was obviously extremely traumatic and I have spent every day since that happened crying, going through the pain and horror of grief, sober in every respect. I have a lot of family support and come from a privileged family, so I am lucky in this regard. But I guess I feel I'm at a strange point in sobriety.
Why am I having these freaky thoughts and urges surrounding alcohol and how the F do I make it stop?! I have almost lost all the weight I gained from drinking (25 lbs) and I almost feel like its some kind of physical reaction in the last stage of the last few pounds coming off. That might sound wack but its like my body knows that the weight that is coming off was created out of alcohol (and sugar) and is sending a signal to my brain to drink more and pack on more pounds, cuz its scared of how things are changing. Its like I'm reaching my goal that I've wanted for so long (I couldn't wait to be a year sober, and look and feel good again), and now my brain is trying to sabatoge it? I know my whole world would coming crashing down if I drank, i might even get so depressed I thought about self harm. So why the F would I even think about something like alcohol?
How do others deal with the creepy pull of cravings? It almost feels like internal peer pressure...these scary voices coming up saying "u'd probably be fine if you drank" "doesn't it sound kind of fun to get drunk during the holidays?" "how're you going to make it through the holidays if you're not at least a little drunk?" AHHHHH Is it the pot? I kind of like having the option to smoke occasionally :/
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi and welcome Welp.
I'm not in AA but I did smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of booze.
If you'll take a suggestion from me, stop smoking weed.
You're tickling the same parts of your brain that drinking used to light up.
I used to do that all the time - I couldn't drink without a cigarette, I could never have a cigarette without wanting some weed too - it was all interconnected.
It's inevitable that you'll start craving booze, I think.
Whenever I'm feeling 'irritable restless and discontent' thats a great indicator that somethings wrong with my recovery programme - if you've slackened off recently that may be why things are a little wonky for you
if AA is your thing, maybe more meetings and reconnecting with your sponsor (assuming you have one) is the answer?
I definitely believe we get out of our recovery what we put in.
D
ps no worries - you need 5 posts to PM
I'm not in AA but I did smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of booze.
If you'll take a suggestion from me, stop smoking weed.
You're tickling the same parts of your brain that drinking used to light up.
I used to do that all the time - I couldn't drink without a cigarette, I could never have a cigarette without wanting some weed too - it was all interconnected.
It's inevitable that you'll start craving booze, I think.
Whenever I'm feeling 'irritable restless and discontent' thats a great indicator that somethings wrong with my recovery programme - if you've slackened off recently that may be why things are a little wonky for you
if AA is your thing, maybe more meetings and reconnecting with your sponsor (assuming you have one) is the answer?
I definitely believe we get out of our recovery what we put in.
D
ps no worries - you need 5 posts to PM
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I was feeling sick of being stuck in my own head and had been feeling irritable and not enjoying myself at all,
good luck
Bestwishes, m
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: washington
Posts: 5
Thanks guys--
I know pot is far from ideal in many contexts of sobriety. Thus my concerns about it. I do think, overall, it is a far less harmful drug than alcohol. Well, if you are using it moderately. To further complicate things, my dad used marijuana and I believe it contributed to his depression and anxiety as he was often times a daily user. For months I really disliked marijuana, believed it agrivated depression & psychosis, and worried about my dad using it. But I am now more coming to the belief that it is not the pot that hurt him so much as depression and anxiety. Anyway, I had a mixed experience where the first time I smoked I felt good and the second time not so great, so i am conflicted.
I have tried absolutely everything in sobriety to calm my negative thoughts, irritability, etc. I eat an extremely healthy diet, am in really good physical shape...i think I am just genetically prone to depression and anxiety. Well, in fact that's what I've been told by every doctor ever. I do yoga and take care of myself in basically every way i can, but I was still finding myself wanting that altered state of consciousness but in a non destructive form. Hence pot. But, I can not let anything lead me back to alcohol and I hear what you are saying that this could be a possibility--i am determined to make it not so. I think it is something i need to be very careful about it if i ever decide to smoke in the future.
I know pot is far from ideal in many contexts of sobriety. Thus my concerns about it. I do think, overall, it is a far less harmful drug than alcohol. Well, if you are using it moderately. To further complicate things, my dad used marijuana and I believe it contributed to his depression and anxiety as he was often times a daily user. For months I really disliked marijuana, believed it agrivated depression & psychosis, and worried about my dad using it. But I am now more coming to the belief that it is not the pot that hurt him so much as depression and anxiety. Anyway, I had a mixed experience where the first time I smoked I felt good and the second time not so great, so i am conflicted.
I have tried absolutely everything in sobriety to calm my negative thoughts, irritability, etc. I eat an extremely healthy diet, am in really good physical shape...i think I am just genetically prone to depression and anxiety. Well, in fact that's what I've been told by every doctor ever. I do yoga and take care of myself in basically every way i can, but I was still finding myself wanting that altered state of consciousness but in a non destructive form. Hence pot. But, I can not let anything lead me back to alcohol and I hear what you are saying that this could be a possibility--i am determined to make it not so. I think it is something i need to be very careful about it if i ever decide to smoke in the future.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 90
Maybe try seeing a psychiatrist to see if you'd benefit from some medication to help with the situational anxiety and a counselor to flesh out your (obviously) raw emotions of your dad's death? I've quit drinking many times before unsuccessfully, but now I have some meds to help with anxiety and it's helped me beyond belief--and helped me realize that my "cravings" for alcohol are actually just anxiety in disguise. Best wishes to you--it sounds like you're having a very tough time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: washington
Posts: 5
I have been on antidepressants for several years and have seen many doctors and done therapy for a couple years. therapy was never that helpful for me but meds have definitely helped. yeah, it is an extremely rough time. i never though i would go through a tragedy like this. i thought sobriety and anxiety were the tough things i had to deal with--not my dad's suicide. thx tho.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 252
Welp sounds like you have made great progress. You may be thinking to much about these cravings. Sounds like to me its just anxiety creeping in and your panicing that its going to cause you to drink again. I wouldnt use pot to calm down...that just starts a new cycle again with a different drug. Try just being aware of the feelings, even unpleasant as they are, try not to stop them but rather experience them and watch them fade on thier own. Keep up the good work. Good luck to you
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
