letlifebegin

I made the conscious decision to drink tonight after completing 7 weeks of sobriety yesterday. I only bought a six pack in attempt to be a social drinker. The thing is that I feel terribly guilty and it doesn't help that my wife just left in big disappointment because it came after we got into a big argument. I'm not gonna try to justify my actions but feel like everyone has had their standards too high for me... Maybe I am trying to justify..I don't know. I am disappointed in my self and kind of worried about my blood pressure spiking tomorrow. Maybe I can drink socially but even if I am able to do so, I don't think anyone else in my family will approve and that's hard to accept. I never want to be where I was before and believe I have the will power to be responsible now but apparently no one else thinks I can. I'm not sure how to feel right now. Any suggestions?

ImperfectlyMe

My suggestion is to get some sleep and log on first thing upon waking and reread your post.... You just might get your answer!

Either way you go wishing you true health and happiness!

KristyCat

Well in my experience, drinking is just not worth it. I think our disease (or the part of the brain that craves the drink and has that strong desire) convinces us that drinking will be incredibly rewarding, and somehow we literally forget all the suffering it has caused us. It's completely illogical and a lie.

You family, your health, your life, your happiness...all for a little bit of fleeting pleasure before it turns into a huge shitstorm. It's just not worth it! And if you really could be a social drinker...you wouldn't be willing to risk all the good things in your life for a drink. It wouldn't matter SO much to you to have a drink.

Dollyangel17

Sometimes I wonder that I might be able to drink socially, as I'm sure many of us do after a bit of sober time. I mean hey...if we were able to abstain completely for a while then it goes to reason we can right?...

A big WRONG for me. I need to remember that once upon a time I drank socially, but that was before this disease had its grip on me. There is no going back to that "normal" drinking style anymore. It would only be a matter if time before it backed me into that dark hole again.

wiscsober

Pretty good advice here...

letlifebegin

I appreciate all the advice, I just spent the last 15 minutes with my wife on the phone crying and telling me how disappointed in me she was and that I just blew it after 7 weeks.. Being a disappointment is not the encouragement I needed. I know how the rest of my night will be spent. Sorry for wasting anyone's time. Goodnight.

letlifebegin

And I know it sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I'm not, simply disappointed and lost.

wiscsober

^^^hang around keep reading posting^^^

Hevyn

Letlife - I'm sorry for what you're going through. I've been there many times.

When you first joined us you were having health issues. I think you were in the hospital at one point? You sounded determined to stop & you must've had a good reason for feeling that way. The thing is, willpower doesn't work for the long haul. I found that out by almost destroying myself trying to be a social drinker. It would work for awhile, but I always ended up back in the same miserable place. Your 7 weeks are not down the drain - you still achieved something important. I know you're hurting, but you've learned something valuable. Let's try this again.

letlifebegin

Hevyn, your right. I've been in the hospital 3 times since quitting and that was my motivation. I sit here in tears while I write this post but still drinking. I really thought it was gonna be easy because my health issues are what kept me sober. At times I almost went back because I never had issues when I was drinking. It turns out this is a lot harder than I anticipated. After a few weeks I thought, I got this. I guess it's going to be a long road. You are the first person to help me realize that the last 7 weeks are not a complete loss and that this is just a big bump in the road. However, I really need to get my life together because after everything was going so well, it just seemed to fall apart. I appreciate everyone here. I get on pretty often just to read and am inspired a lot. The problem is that although this is the strongest support I've ever seen, when I look up from this little screen, life begins. It's a challenge and it's scary. I pray a better day and a stronger me wakes up in the morning.

Hevyn

The worst thing you can do is feel like a failure. Be disappointed in what happened - not in yourself as a person. You came back here to reach out for some support - you haven't given up. Be proud of that fact - and keep on walking forward. You will probably be more determined than ever. We are with you.

forabetterlife

First of all, seven weeks is not down the drain. You undoubtedly improved your health and found the benefits that sobriety has to offer. You will be disappointed tomorrow, but don't dwell on it, learn from it. If you are anything like me, you will realize that drinking just isn't worth it. You will get through this and find your way again.

letlifebegin

I'll be honest. I only bought a six pack of tall boys and am gonna finish them off. I guess my will power for tonight is shot. But with that being said I clearly didn't buy enough to get me where I would usually be, this six pack probably won't even give me much of a buzz. But I felt the remorse before I even opened the first one and knew at that point it was over. I plan on giving it more next time. Another 7 weeks seems to be a far off in the distance and when I reach it I can't help but to think it could have been 14 weeks. I guess trying to be a social drinker even a year from now doesn't sound that appealing because I can't help but to think ill only be able to look at it as a set back. I now see no "accomplishment" in being able to socially drink.

letlifebegin

Forabetterlife - Thank you. Thank you all.

ZeldaFan

You had a slip and that is nothing to beat yourself up over. The important thing is that you learn from it and get right back up and dust yourself off. Keep moving forward with your sobriety and put this behind you while remembering how drinking tonight made you feel. For me, I felt the same way after a couple of weeks. I felt like I had a solid grip on things and I let my guard down. After almost five weeks of sobriety, I thought I could stop on the way home on a Friday and get a bottle. I had every intention of only have a few shots but it ended up with me stinking drunk and feeling horrible the rest of the weekend.

I had a few more slips right after that because I let my first slip put me into a mindset of "may as well get a few more crazy weekends in since I blew my run". After my third slip, I was suffering from severe anxiety and almost couldn't make a flight I had to take for work on the following Monday. I felt so ashamed and full of anxiety after that last slip that it put me back on the right path. I made mistakes and I learned from them to help me moving forward.

I now have over three weeks again but I haven't disregarded my sober time prior to my consecutive run of days. In all, I have been sober for over 2.5 months with only a handful of days lost to slips. That's still incredible considering where I was. You should look at your seven weeks the same way. Nothing can take that time away from you and it's something of which to be darn proud! Put down the drink, guzzle a lot of water and get some sleep. In the morning, remember how you feel so you can reference that feeling the next time you want to drink. Get right back in the game and move forward. It will be alright and you can do this!

ReadyAndAble

I remember that feeling. The alcohol only adds to the depression. But the thing is, this is just one night. Pull back, look at your trajectory over the past two months, and you'll see this is a blip on a very positive trend line. This isn't a board game where you get sent back to square one. This is your life, and the great news is that you haven't done any serious harm here. You can pick right up tomorrow, wiser than you were at any point in the past seven weeks.

Learn from this moment, and it won't be a failure at all, but a springboard to the life you deserve. You're just as close to it as you were this morning.

letlifebegin

Thanks ReadyAndAble. After everything tonight I was wrong. I guess my tolerance isn't what it use to be and I'm feeling pretty bad right now emotionally. My wife finally forgave me and understands what's going on. I never want to be the mess I am right now, sitting in the garage with a beer and cigarette apologizing for my actions. I've been there too many times. Tonight is done, I did what I did but see now that this will never be the path I want to attempt, no matter how strong I am.

Renarde

You do have a choice to throw out the rest of the alcohol and go to bed. It may seem like your only choice is to drink them, but it isn't. You can get rid of them and start moving forward now.

letlifebegin

Renarde, it's not that simple.

letlifebegin

I did more than I anticipated, I only bought a six pack but my father in law had a twelve pack in the fridge. I will wake up tomorrow, re read all this and see why I can't drink socially. I just pray tonight creates a breakthrough.