Confession Time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Confession Time
I posted this on my Monthly Thread, but I think I need more feedback so here goes:
True confession time _ I was bored at work today and I kept fantasizing about having a glass of wine here and there only when out to dinner with my husband. I tried to play it out to the end, but my AV was trying to get me to realize that I did moderate over the summer, and since I have never quit drinking before, how do I know that I can't be one of those people who only have an occasional glass here or there? My AV was telling me that who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??
Anyway, just felt the need to come clean with my thoughts. I am on Day 55 which is close to another marker day (60 days), so that might be in play, too.
True confession time _ I was bored at work today and I kept fantasizing about having a glass of wine here and there only when out to dinner with my husband. I tried to play it out to the end, but my AV was trying to get me to realize that I did moderate over the summer, and since I have never quit drinking before, how do I know that I can't be one of those people who only have an occasional glass here or there? My AV was telling me that who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??
Anyway, just felt the need to come clean with my thoughts. I am on Day 55 which is close to another marker day (60 days), so that might be in play, too.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
I've come to day 228 my first time quitting
as of today. I don't question if I'm an alcoholic the answer actually doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is I'm happier, healthier, nicer, smarter, fitter, thinner, prettier, faster, stronger not drinking. So..... why would I ever go back. I questioned moderation around 3 month mark. I'm my opinion mindfully moderating ones drinking equals a lion on a leash!
Congrats on 55 days! Keep going there's so much more out there!
as of today. I don't question if I'm an alcoholic the answer actually doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is I'm happier, healthier, nicer, smarter, fitter, thinner, prettier, faster, stronger not drinking. So..... why would I ever go back. I questioned moderation around 3 month mark. I'm my opinion mindfully moderating ones drinking equals a lion on a leash!Congrats on 55 days! Keep going there's so much more out there!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
...since I have never quit drinking before, how do I know that I can't be one of those people who only have an occasional glass here or there? My AV was telling me that who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??
Who, besides someone with a problem with alcohol, wants to celebrate their sober time with a drink. Think about it.
You won't be the first-time quitter that had to learn it the hard way. Thing is, with alcoholism, you might never learn the lesson and will always yearn to be that "once and a while" drinker who only lives in your imagination.
If you like being sober, stick with it. And if you don't like being sober, that's the other indicator that you might have a drinking problem. Proof you need to work on your recovery.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
My experience is i might have one glass of wine the first time …
next time i might have one ,
some time in the next weeks or months it will be well one with dinner , it won't do any harm to have one after dinner … then a day a week or a month later why not one before dinner ,,, then give it time , why not finnish off the bottle ….
Then give it time .. one bottle doesn't seem enough i'd better buy two , to really hit the mark you know' … then i don't bother with dinner and may as well have 3 bottle a night and whatever i can get down my neck at the weekend till blackout and pass out .
That was my experience with controlled drinking from about 2000 to 2011 , the longest i was sober in those years was 6 months, lots of single days sober , lots of weeks and a few months … i think the longest blackout i had was 72 hours ..
Whats the harm in moderating my drinking ? I don't want to risk wasting another 10 years finding out (dunno if my body could take it ) , for me it's just not worth it, not in this lifetime , too much to do , too much to see , Quit now & stay quit , get on with living .
Bestwishes, m
next time i might have one ,
some time in the next weeks or months it will be well one with dinner , it won't do any harm to have one after dinner … then a day a week or a month later why not one before dinner ,,, then give it time , why not finnish off the bottle ….
Then give it time .. one bottle doesn't seem enough i'd better buy two , to really hit the mark you know' … then i don't bother with dinner and may as well have 3 bottle a night and whatever i can get down my neck at the weekend till blackout and pass out .
That was my experience with controlled drinking from about 2000 to 2011 , the longest i was sober in those years was 6 months, lots of single days sober , lots of weeks and a few months … i think the longest blackout i had was 72 hours ..
Whats the harm in moderating my drinking ? I don't want to risk wasting another 10 years finding out (dunno if my body could take it ) , for me it's just not worth it, not in this lifetime , too much to do , too much to see , Quit now & stay quit , get on with living .
Bestwishes, m
Last edited by mecanix; 11-22-2013 at 11:21 AM. Reason: added a bit :)
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
I've come to day 228 my first time quitting as of today. I don't question if I'm an alcoholic the answer actually doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is I'm happier, healthier, nicer, smarter, fitter, thinner, prettier, faster, stronger not drinking. So..... why would I ever go back. I questioned moderation around 3 month mark. I'm my opinion mindfully moderating ones drinking equals a lion on a leash!
Congrats on 55 days! Keep going there's so much more out there!
as of today. I don't question if I'm an alcoholic the answer actually doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is I'm happier, healthier, nicer, smarter, fitter, thinner, prettier, faster, stronger not drinking. So..... why would I ever go back. I questioned moderation around 3 month mark. I'm my opinion mindfully moderating ones drinking equals a lion on a leash!Congrats on 55 days! Keep going there's so much more out there!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad you caught it in time DD. The AV is very cunning, but what it's telling you is utter nonsense. Alcoholics cannot moderate - period. It's the very definition of alcoholism. Perhaps you could go back and read some of your previous posts if you need a reminder of how moderation worked for you in the past, and how well things have gone since you quit moderating. Don't give in, it's more than worth it.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
My AV was telling me that who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??
Please hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 318
I'm really glad you posted this- it's something I've been struggling with lately too. I'm on day 23 and this is my first time quitting as well- before I only really attempted at moderation, not sobriety. I enjoy reading everyone's posts of encouragement.
I don't know about you, but the thoughts of drinking aren't even really a "fantasy" as much as sometimes I just think whatever, I know I'll get drunk who cares. It's more of craving the effects that I know 1 glass won't do... if that makes sense.
Anyways, I'm working on keeping myself in check, at this point I'm not worried about drinking anytime soon Just one of those days!!
I don't know about you, but the thoughts of drinking aren't even really a "fantasy" as much as sometimes I just think whatever, I know I'll get drunk who cares. It's more of craving the effects that I know 1 glass won't do... if that makes sense.
Anyways, I'm working on keeping myself in check, at this point I'm not worried about drinking anytime soon
Just one of those days!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
DD I know exactly what you mean. I hit 90 in two days. I too am a first time quit too. I have accepted I am an addict/alcoholic and can not drink. But who makes it through on their first try? Odds say you need to relapse..I ask myself all the Qs.
You had a thought, did not turn into an obsession and you posted. I am not sure what you used to do but I would quench that idea. Not I too process like you. I am embracing a sober life and loving it.
I just wanted to let you know your not alone
You had a thought, did not turn into an obsession and you posted. I am not sure what you used to do but I would quench that idea. Not I too process like you. I am embracing a sober life and loving it.
I just wanted to let you know your not alone
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Who, besides someone with a problem with alcohol, wants to celebrate their sober time with a drink. Think about it.
DD - I am only 22 days in and I am also trying to rationalize whether I have a problem with alcohol or not. I am putting it to myself this way: "I only have a problem with alcohol when I drink it"
Like Mecanix, if may be able to get away with having one for a little while, but eventually I will be back where I am now, constantly thinking about having some wine to unwind, as if that's the only thing that works.
Don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone relapsed and came back here and said the same thing as you for the rationalization as to why they drank. Who, besides someone with a problem with alcohol, wants to celebrate their sober time with a drink. Think about it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
yep, many many times I confused not drinking with control, or 'being cured'.
Eventually I worked out a response to those rationalisations -
my life is good because I stopped drinking. I believe it will get even better if I continue along this path.
I was right
Good for you DD!
D
Eventually I worked out a response to those rationalisations -
my life is good because I stopped drinking. I believe it will get even better if I continue along this path.
I was right
Good for you DD!
D
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
I got to 39 days my first time trying and decided I could give drinking a try again. Started with the idea of only doing a few shots to take the edge off and ended up downing nearly an entire fifth of vodka in a night. The rest of the weekend was wasted on being sick and ashamed.
Our AV never wants us to get to the end of the tape but we have the ending memorized by now. Just keep reminding yourself of how it will end.
Our AV never wants us to get to the end of the tape but we have the ending memorized by now. Just keep reminding yourself of how it will end.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Way to tell on yourself That really is the best thing you can do with those thoughts, get them out there. Sometimes it helps to see how ridiculous they are when we write them down too. I can't tell you how many times I have told myself that I can't be an alcoholic because I haven't relapsed yet! This is my first attempt and it is 20 months and counting... But it isn't my first attempt, it is my first successful attempt where I made it past a day. Don't let that AV trick you x
That really is the best thing you can do with those thoughts, get them out there. Sometimes it helps to see how ridiculous they are when we write them down too. I can't tell you how many times I have told myself that I can't be an alcoholic because I haven't relapsed yet! This is my first attempt and it is 20 months and counting... But it isn't my first attempt, it is my first successful attempt where I made it past a day. Don't let that AV trick you x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
when i started to take my sobriety seriously i lasted 10 months before my relapse. and i did moderate (at first) and was quite happy... until old patterns emerged and i was in so much pain, shame and guilt.
it has been a rocky road still with many ups and downs, i know that for me any attempt at moderation turns into a binge of epic proportions. regardless of how many sober days or months i have under my belt.
yes it is all part of learning and part of growing, i cannot discount months and months that i've spent sober in the last 2.5 years. i also cannot discount the fact that any attempt at moderation will be a total failure.
it has been a rocky road still with many ups and downs, i know that for me any attempt at moderation turns into a binge of epic proportions. regardless of how many sober days or months i have under my belt.
yes it is all part of learning and part of growing, i cannot discount months and months that i've spent sober in the last 2.5 years. i also cannot discount the fact that any attempt at moderation will be a total failure.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
"...who else successfully gets to 55 days sober the first time they tried to quit drinking?? How can I be an alcoholic??..."
"... But who makes it through on their first try?..."
In regards to the three questions above, I have 10014; my best recovery bud here has 10037; my best out-of-state recovery bud (and temporary sponsor) in CA has 10931; and the two sponsors I've had here have 10931 and 14840 respectively; and all of us are first timers.
So, it can be done; guess that's what they mean by stick with the winners.
(o:
NoelleR
"... But who makes it through on their first try?..."
In regards to the three questions above, I have 10014; my best recovery bud here has 10037; my best out-of-state recovery bud (and temporary sponsor) in CA has 10931; and the two sponsors I've had here have 10931 and 14840 respectively; and all of us are first timers.
So, it can be done; guess that's what they mean by stick with the winners.
(o:
NoelleR
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