Mrbml2013

I am a newly sober individual...I have been struggling with my disease for a few years and the last 2 years I was an every night drinker...I hid it from everyone, and was really good at it. I have always been an over achiever and I am great at my job, a home owner at 24, engaged and married at 30, everything looked great from the outside. When my husband moved in it became harder to hide my drinking, and I eventually just broke down and told him, I needed it. and In all honesty he had noticed but had not said anything yet. I was never in trouble or got out of control I was the scary alcoholic that was able to go to work the next day and seem sober on nights when you went out with me. I was really good at it! But clarity came, i didnt have a big event, or something terrible happen, i was just sick of feeling like crap, and wanted my life back, in all honesty that all just happened a month ago, so I am very new to this new life. I need any support I can get, and would love to hear your stories and share!

Scampered

I think you are amazing. How long are you sober now?

Today is my first day. I don't drink everyday but whenever I do drink, I get plastered. I have 3 super children and a loving husband. I have got to stop drinking. It is taking over my life. I am a pretty good marathon runner and for years my drinking hasn't affected my running. I ran a marathon about 5 weeks ago and I felt awful throughout the race. I kept thinking "i am an alcoholic, I am an alcoholic" throughout the run. My chest was tight and I was so sluggish. It's all because of alcohol.

I am really scared. Terrified in fact. My heart is racing and I keep crying. I have always been scared of alcohol and it's affect on my. I've always managed to control my drinking to a certain extent but the past 2 years have seen it get worse and worse.

I need strength.

How are you doing?

snipe

Welcome! Like you I was able to function and didn't have a big event to cause me to quit drinking. I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I caused myself unnecessary misery for 20 years with my drinking.

This site is a huge help but I suggest you also use some in-person support such as AA, SMART, etc.

Mrbml2013

oh scampered, I wish you the best...we sound a lot alike actually, Im very physically fit and I do well at my job...good at hiding it I guess, and that is what made me sad. I didnt want to hide anymore. I wanted out, sounds like you do too and that is wonderful! congrats my friend!

Lifeisforliving

Welcome! I'm brand-new here as well.

My story is like yours. Highly functioning alcoholic (would go thru a large box of wine weekly) with a seemingly great life - good job, 2 amazing children and a loving & supportive fiancé. I hid (or tried to hide) my drinking from all of them.

I'm sick of being held hostage by this so I've decided to stop. My bottom was calling in sick to work (i.e. hungover) and using my daughter as an excuse. I actually lied and said she was sick. That shame and humiliation...I want it out of my life for good!

So thankful to be on this journey with you.

Soberween

Something I read here on Sober Recovery a few years ago when I got sober really opened my eyes..... "A Functioning Alcoholic isn't a FORM of alcoholism, it is a STAGE of alcoholism!" This is a progressive disease and it's only going to get worse. Be proud that you are doing something about it without hitting rock bottom.

Mizzuno

I wish I had listened to the inner voice that was screaming at me to stop. At times, I was able to have what i thought was control, and at other times, after a night of serious regret, I would swear off the poison forever. I was on a roller coaster ride with the destination of serious serious trouble. It took a lot for me to be able to put the alcohol down and to start to deal with myself. So, listen to the voice and keep walking forward. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose from abstaining from alcohol. You are really doing some thing wonderful.

Croissant

Agree completely. Whatever our lives look like on the outside, is not necessarily a reflection of what's really going on. We all need to tackle the same beast!

Not one person in my life knows how ugly things became. Whatever I've achieved has been through my own hard work, but it could be lost in an instant if I drink again. Everything in my life leverages on that.

I remember 3 years ago, I used to walk past a man who camped roughly near the carpark at my work. I'd walk past him, asleep....empty container of alcohol of some sort near him. Both of us, every night, drank to oblivion. I'd hear people at work complaining about him. Why? What were they afraid to confront?

One time, the receptionist reeked of alcohol, vomited at work and had to get sent home. Another guy admitted to me after I left that he had a drinking problem. And of course, me. Were any of us and that man any different, really? No. Alcohol was owning us.

I often fooled myself that the expensive wine in my fridge meant I was sophisticated and cultured. Pity I couldn't say either of those words by the end of every night.

GotGrace

Welcome Mrbml! You and I have a bit in common! Glad you are here. This site has helped me reach almost 3 months. You can do it too!

Scampered

Hi croissant. I am very similar to u. On the outside i appear to be very respectable. Lovely family & kids, good job, great home, very sporty, charity fundraiser, blah, blah, blah ( that's an Irish saying). On the Inside I am fighting the biggest battle of my life.

My Friends talk about another friend whose husband has a problem. They express concern for my friend & her kids & how hard it must be to live with a problem drinker. I sit there and join in. How fake of me. I am battleing the same demon myself. Sometimes after a night out i used to breathe a sigh of releif that i hadnt made a complete fool of myself and give away my drink problem. However I have let myself slip in front of friends a few times. Very little has ever been said which has helped me ignore the problem again. Can't write down what happened in the past because I'm still too embarrassed.

I'm entering day 3 with a clear head. It feels super. This site is helping me so much. I never usually talk about the demon but this website is helping me to slowly face up to what has gone on.

Thank you all.

Scampered

Welcome Lifeisforliving. Sounds like we've been on a similar path of destruction. Great to have you here.

Soberween. Thank you for the above quote. It has hit a nerve with me. Thank u so much.

Good luck today all.

FeelingGreat

Mrbml, welcome to SR. My story is like yours in that I was still working, own my home and my drinking didn't affect others. The thing was I knew where it was going and in front of me was increasing tolerance and health consequences.
I found that giving up completely was far easier than moderation. I do miss drinking at times but I don't miss those sickly mornings and my self esteem is much higher.