End of Day 5
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 67
End of Day 5
Hey all,
So it is the end of day 5 for me and I am feeling terrible. Cold chills, cramps, physically ill. I have taken "breaks" from drinking a couple times in the past with no real intent on quitting. This is the first time I have stopped with the intent to never drink again.
I herniated a disc in my neck earlier in the year. The pain medication they gave me made me ill so I would drink instead. Slowly my drinking increased over the past 6 months. At my doctors appointment last week my hands were shaking so bad I could barely fill out the questionnaire. I was downing a handle of vodka or bourbon and several beers every other day for the last couple of months.
Last Sunday I woke up and was still drunk and I thought to myself I need to do something or I will be dead soon. As much pain as I am in and the amount of damage I have done to my life, by drinking, the idea strangely didn't disturb me so much. Then I pictured my childrens faces. I thought about not seeing them grow up, not seeing them have children. Then I decided no matter how deep of a hole I have dug myself that I need to stop for good, not just take a break.
I suppose that was my moment of clarity. Unfortunately I had a surplus of booze at the house, so I continued to drink through Monday night. Tuesday I woke and the supply was gone and I felt good about my decision to quit for good. Other than not being able to sleep much that night it wasn't too bad. Days 2 through 5 have been bad. Panic attacks, insomnia, hand tremors, cramps, etc. Luckily along the way I found this site.
As I started to read the words of others, that have the same struggle as I do, I started to cry. For the first time in along time I felt human and that felt good and showed me exactly what it is I have been losing out on. It showed me Exactly what it is that I am working for. I want to thank everyone who has had the courage to confront this struggle and share that struggle here.
Thank you all...
So it is the end of day 5 for me and I am feeling terrible. Cold chills, cramps, physically ill. I have taken "breaks" from drinking a couple times in the past with no real intent on quitting. This is the first time I have stopped with the intent to never drink again.
I herniated a disc in my neck earlier in the year. The pain medication they gave me made me ill so I would drink instead. Slowly my drinking increased over the past 6 months. At my doctors appointment last week my hands were shaking so bad I could barely fill out the questionnaire. I was downing a handle of vodka or bourbon and several beers every other day for the last couple of months.
Last Sunday I woke up and was still drunk and I thought to myself I need to do something or I will be dead soon. As much pain as I am in and the amount of damage I have done to my life, by drinking, the idea strangely didn't disturb me so much. Then I pictured my childrens faces. I thought about not seeing them grow up, not seeing them have children. Then I decided no matter how deep of a hole I have dug myself that I need to stop for good, not just take a break.
I suppose that was my moment of clarity. Unfortunately I had a surplus of booze at the house, so I continued to drink through Monday night. Tuesday I woke and the supply was gone and I felt good about my decision to quit for good. Other than not being able to sleep much that night it wasn't too bad. Days 2 through 5 have been bad. Panic attacks, insomnia, hand tremors, cramps, etc. Luckily along the way I found this site.
As I started to read the words of others, that have the same struggle as I do, I started to cry. For the first time in along time I felt human and that felt good and showed me exactly what it is I have been losing out on. It showed me Exactly what it is that I am working for. I want to thank everyone who has had the courage to confront this struggle and share that struggle here.
Thank you all...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Great post, NorCal1970! Not everyone needs to hit 'rock bottom' before they change but it's awesome to recognize rock bottom when you hit it. Maybe that's the main reason that we quit when we do; at some point it just stops working, and we get so desperate that we just don't care anymore.
That's how it was for me. I quit just over a year ago. Fifteen months ago I wouldn't have imagined there could be a life after/without alcohol. But I hit a point where I was so worn out and burned down by drinking that I felt death would maybe be preferable to going on drinking.
Time does indeed heal wounds, maybe not all but some. Maybe most. At first we flee from drinking, but after awhile we find ourselves running towards the light more than away from the darkness. If that makes sense. Doors will open to you that you didn't even know existed. Because they didn't exist until you decided to stop.
Hang in there, NorCal!
That's how it was for me. I quit just over a year ago. Fifteen months ago I wouldn't have imagined there could be a life after/without alcohol. But I hit a point where I was so worn out and burned down by drinking that I felt death would maybe be preferable to going on drinking.
Time does indeed heal wounds, maybe not all but some. Maybe most. At first we flee from drinking, but after awhile we find ourselves running towards the light more than away from the darkness. If that makes sense. Doors will open to you that you didn't even know existed. Because they didn't exist until you decided to stop.
Hang in there, NorCal!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus 
Time does indeed heal wounds, maybe not all but some. Maybe most. At first we flee from drinking, but after awhile we find ourselves running towards the light more than away from the darkness. If that makes sense. Doors will open to you that you didn't even know existed. Because they didn't exist until you decided to stop.
Hang in there, NorCal!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
