ExWinoMom

Hi, I am now 45 or so days sober and I'm in aa, and funny enough I haven't touched the alcohol in my house. It's my husband's.
Sometimes I wonder if I am really an alcoholic because I don't want to drink the alcohol, I haven't blacked out at all and other times I look back on all my drinking and see that I craved more alcohol when I went out with my friends and had a few.
I could stop at 3 drinks but I wanted more, most of the time....
Someone tell me I'm an alcoholic just to shut my head up lol.

Raider

If you have a question if youre an alcoholic, well, just chew on that a bit.

Plenny

Hi, not sure if this is helpful, but I have a fully stocked cabinet of booze, and I don't drink it. It's my husband's. Yes I've slipped majorly in the past 5 months. But having the alcohol in my house was never my trigger personally. I know I'm an alcoholic. Everyone's triggers are different. It's very complex and subjective.

I hope you can hear your inner voice if it's asking for help, because if you are not in control, then it might be what inspired you to post here and it might be a great idea that you did.

ReadyAtLast

No-one but you can tell you if you're an alcoholic.

I can very much relate to your current thinking though.My husband drank normally and had alcohol in the house which I didn't touch- surely I'm ok if I don't drink it? I hadn't had big cravings ,surely I didn't have a problem?

As the first month passed the bad memories did fade. I felt so much better.I'd stopped for 6 weeks , surely I didn't REALLY have a problem. The voices continued and got stronger and eventually I drank at 6 weeks.

I felt shame,anger, regret,fear,loathing.Nothing had changed. I was back to drinking every night very soon. So I stopped again,it wasn't as easy. I hadn't really learned anything though and did exactly the same thing again after approx 6 weeks.

I continued to drink for 3 months. Then quit last December. This time I had to believe I did have a problem and learn how to deal with those voices/cravings after a few weeks. As time's gone on I've learnt that I WANT to be sober. I look at the benefits of sobriety rather than the negatives of not drinking

ExWinoMom

Well I tell you what my trigger is- being out socially.
I would want the first drink and then all the drinks thereafter.
I would usually throw up at the end of the night.
I would drink more than what is suggested here in Australia- 1 glass of wine a day. I would go for days without drinking and then I would drink on the weekends. I drove drunk.

What is confusing is that people in AA talk of blackouts, dt's and all the legal trouble.

My drinking got worse when I started to take ssri's (anti-depressants)
I found that they made me crave alcohol so bad, on a daily basis. They are awful things! I am weaning off cipramil, I started to taper my dose down today.
I want to face myself, all my crap.
I have children and a husband and ME to love and care for.
I suppose alcoholic or not, drinking alcohol is not an act of self love! Especially the way I drank.
Hmmmmm.

ReadyAtLast

[QUOTE] Avoid social outings till you feel more comfortable in sobriety and have better coping skills. It's foolish to keep going to social outings when you know they will trigger you.

It's easy to think people worse than us and think we're ok because we didn't do x,y or z.It must be a problem for you though or you wouldn't be here.It doesn't matter how others are affected.

As someon once wisely said " I didn't quit drinking because I'd lost everything, I quit because I had everything to lose" Wise words

Marcher13

EWM there is alcohol in my house for the other people who drink lightly and I don't feel a burning need to drink it. I have never actually blacked out, nor have I driven drunk, I have never had a drink in the morning when I woke up and I don't think I've ever had a drink to "cure" a hangover. I crave more alcohol when I have the first sip, I don't know when to stop and I'm annoyed when I have to. If another bottle isn't opened or ordered when I'm ready for the next drink I get agitated and/or angry, in my view that makes me an alcoholic. It's not a matter of if I have/will reach my particular bottom, if I drink it's when I'll reach it. I'm so glad I found SR before that happened.

Skye2

There's a full 70cl bottle of vodka here as well, it's been here a few weeks now - it's for my step-mum for Christmas. I am going to have a curtain smug satisfaction thinking SHE will get the hangover!!
(If anyone deserves a hangover it's her, but sadly she rarely drinks) Xx

tabasco

You have two voices in your head, in your right mind, you know you have a drinking problem. In your other mind, the one that wants to drink, you negotiate with your right mind the true extent of your problem in order that your drinking head can justify more drinking. We all go through it, identifying that voice and its sneaky ways, can help. Although I am still learning and field testing, always with the same awful result.
x

Dee74

There are all kinds of alcoholics Rebecca - I doubt anyone ends up here on this side of SR because they have no problem.

Go back and read a few old posts, maybe? That may give you a better sense of perspective?
D

Skye2

I've been reading these this morning - scared 7 bells of poo out of me. Made me 10000% determined that this time IS IT. Xx
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

ScottFromWI

I never had any of those problems either. I still have my wife, my family and my job too. But I am absolutely certain that i cannot drink alcohol without it controlling me.

Try to not overthink it - you know drinking causes you problems, so don't drink today. Labels and semantics are really not all that important when it comes right down to picking up the first drink or not picking it up.

Anna

I think that the label is unimportant.

If alcohol causes problems in your life, it's up to you to decide whether you want and need to stop drinking. I hope you continue with your sobriety.

silentrun

Maybe you should look up "stages of alcoholism" See if you see yourself in any of those. They seem to overlap. There is no way I could keep alcohol in the house at this point. There was a time I could.

AlefVavResh

We have a bottle of wine on the counter and it doesn't even beckon me. I call that a miracle and say a prayer of gratitude every day. I feel as if God restructured my brain. Not a cosmetic overhaul like paint and a new throw rug, but moving walls and support beams kind of reconstruction.

Not everyone has black outs or DUIs. You were right to check in here to reset that tricky thinking. Deep down you know where that thinking will lead.

BeerTooth

I’ve accepted that we are going to have alcohol in our house although I would prefer it wasn’t there. When I have a weak moment and make the decision to have a drink, nothing can change my mind and I'll just go to the store.

littlefish

We all have different consequences because different things are important to us. Maybe it would be a catastrophe for someone to have their license taken away. Another person might equate legal trouble or job loss. But we can lose things in a less dramatic way and still be deeply affected.
My worst consequences was returning not twice but three times to the drug and alcohol addiction emergency room, but I also consider it a deep loss that I couldn't hold a pen and write my name most days because of the shakes. I consider both of those things equally frightening. Other people might just think that's nothing to worry about. We are all different.

ExWinoMom

Marcher- you and me both

ExWinoMom

Thanks everyone.
I went to AA last night and it was on step three. I prayed the whole time of the meeting.
I was in the right place.
Thanks so much for being here x

wehav2day

I've blacked out, thrown up, schemed to drink more, drank in the morning, drank vodka not because I liked it but because it worked more expediently. I've done ridiculous things to get drunk. I'm definite an alcoholic.

But is never been in trouble with the law. I have a job that required background checks and has a lot of responsibility for the safety of others, and it's never been in jeopardy. I have not lost my relationship. Alcohol in the house doesn't bother me. Being in a bar full of people drinking doesn't bother me, either, but I don't like to test that theory much.

I'm thankful to be what some consider "high bottom drunk." I don't want to slip farther down the scale. If you are concerned about your drinking or just plain like yourself better than you did 46 days ago, why not stick with this sobriety thing? Can't hurt.