Madness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 47
Madness
So I am 6 days without a drink today. The last week has been a nightmare. I haven't been eating right or sleeping, I am having nightmares that I cannot remember but I know they are scary when I wake up (if that makes sense). I have been so highly anxious that my body aches from being tense for days without rest. I have been nauseous all week and very very paranoid to the point I thought I was going mad... Each day has been a slight improvement on the last but I keep getting these waves of nausea when I think about the kind of person I am... I am full of guilt and frustration and I am really struggling to put one foot infront of the other... I am anxious because I have to get up and cook dinner in a minute??? My paranoi has subsided though. I have just been in a constant state of fear that something bad was going to happen, it has been quite scary actually. However, and here is the crazy part, I am feeling a bit better so I think that it is a good idea to toddle off downstairs and grab a few beers from the fridge... I have a theory that a few beers will reset my system and stop the insanity, that the reason I am crazy is because I had a big binge and the only way to reverse that is to have 2 or 3 beers :/ Its total madness right? And there is a storm coming and I am home alone with the kiddies and I don't want to take them out driving to a meeting in a storm and they are also sick and on antibiotics (my son also has bad asthma) so its really unfair to take them out late at night... My family don't support my sobriety or me going to AA so no one will look after them and hubby is working... I am so sorry if this post is all over the place and lacking sense (kind of how my mind is working at the moment)... *sigh* This too will pass right :P
Not sure why I started this post, part of me wants to get it written down so I can come back and look at it next time I think about drinking and another part of me needs to know others feel/felt the same and I'm not actually going bat **** crazy
Not sure why I started this post, part of me wants to get it written down so I can come back and look at it next time I think about drinking and another part of me needs to know others feel/felt the same and I'm not actually going bat **** crazy
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,025
Hi Theo
Do you have a program of some sort ? It helps in keeping you focused on your sobriety. At day 6, you are still in very early stages of sobriety. I am only a few months into my sobriety so I can still recall the first week like it was yesterday ! My experience was that I went through an emotional rollercoaster for a few weeks. Fortunately, I have a program (regular AA meetings, etc) and was able to ride it out. But you do have to actively work at your sobriety and be vigilant. If you haven't joined your class (which I think would be November), then I really do recommend that you do that. There is great support that you will get there, sort of a concentrated version that you get in general on SR
Hang in there !
Do you have a program of some sort ? It helps in keeping you focused on your sobriety. At day 6, you are still in very early stages of sobriety. I am only a few months into my sobriety so I can still recall the first week like it was yesterday ! My experience was that I went through an emotional rollercoaster for a few weeks. Fortunately, I have a program (regular AA meetings, etc) and was able to ride it out. But you do have to actively work at your sobriety and be vigilant. If you haven't joined your class (which I think would be November), then I really do recommend that you do that. There is great support that you will get there, sort of a concentrated version that you get in general on SR
Hang in there !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 47
I have decided to go back to AA. I was a sober member of AA for 14 months, then I left and for the last 18 months I have been 'researching'.. I am so very angry at myself for throwing away my sobriety like I did and I didn't realise how far I was slipping over the last 18 months, it really is a progressive disease. I would love to get to a meeting tonight and I am not making excuses but circumstances mean that I cannot take my children out tonight with me so I will have to wait until tomorrow for a meeting. I got a new copy of the big book so I will probably just go to bed later and read that. I did join my class here so will keep in with that thread. Thank you 
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I have a theory that a few beers will reset my system and stop the insanity, that the reason I am crazy is because I had a big binge and the only way to reverse that is to have 2 or 3 beers :/ Its total madness right?
The 2 or three beers will only contribute to more anxiety and parnoia when you finish them.
The only really way to make a change is to get through this rough period.
Most people find things get easier after a little while.
If the anxiety is really bad, is there any way you could see a Dr?
D
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 47
Dee I have told myself that if the anxiety doesn't get better in a week I will go and see the doctor however I know deep down inside that I am looking for my bandaid solution. I want something to numb the pain and I know the doctor could help with that :/ But in my moments of logical thinking I know I have to live this and feel this and remember this because if I make this experience easier for myself I won't be so scared to go out and drink again because I could just medicate through the aftereffects if that makes sense...
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