Anyone NOT happy about sobriety?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 91
Anyone NOT happy about sobriety?
Hey all. I check in time and time again, haven't been here in a couple weeks.
20 days ago I came to the realization that my drinking is way too inconsistent for me. Some days I could go out and have 1,2,3 drinks and stop (but still wish for more) but then some days I would wake up hazy and hungover the next day unsure how I went to bed. Terrible feeling. I admitted I do not control alcohol and resolved to not drink again.
Again, that was 20 days ago. A couple times I have been out with friends and felt the craving for a drink. Overall, I am doing good and am happy with my decision to stay sober.
HOWEVER...
I have to ask you all this... are there some days you are UNHAPPY about your decision to stay sober? I always read these messages on here about how grateful you are that you are sober... but is it ALWAYS like that?
Yesterday my cousin told me a story about how Friday night she drank 2 bottles of wine and ended up puking outside of the car on the way home, her fiance saying that "its' ok, I drove... I am a better blitz driver than she is". and so on, so forth. I hear stories all the time of who got drunk and did this stupid thing and they LAUGH about it! Or in movies, songs, TV shows, etc....
It makes me feel UNGRATEFUL sometimes that when *I* get drunk I feel a sense of shame and conviction... while other people just laugh it off...
I don't know if this makes sense, but I need to get past this idea that its "ok" to be the drunken idiot because I fear it will cause me to backslide into drinking again... the craving to drink wine with the girls was strong today. First time I was truly tempted in the past 20 days...
20 days ago I came to the realization that my drinking is way too inconsistent for me. Some days I could go out and have 1,2,3 drinks and stop (but still wish for more) but then some days I would wake up hazy and hungover the next day unsure how I went to bed. Terrible feeling. I admitted I do not control alcohol and resolved to not drink again.
Again, that was 20 days ago. A couple times I have been out with friends and felt the craving for a drink. Overall, I am doing good and am happy with my decision to stay sober.
HOWEVER...
I have to ask you all this... are there some days you are UNHAPPY about your decision to stay sober? I always read these messages on here about how grateful you are that you are sober... but is it ALWAYS like that?
Yesterday my cousin told me a story about how Friday night she drank 2 bottles of wine and ended up puking outside of the car on the way home, her fiance saying that "its' ok, I drove... I am a better blitz driver than she is". and so on, so forth. I hear stories all the time of who got drunk and did this stupid thing and they LAUGH about it! Or in movies, songs, TV shows, etc....
It makes me feel UNGRATEFUL sometimes that when *I* get drunk I feel a sense of shame and conviction... while other people just laugh it off...
I don't know if this makes sense, but I need to get past this idea that its "ok" to be the drunken idiot because I fear it will cause me to backslide into drinking again... the craving to drink wine with the girls was strong today. First time I was truly tempted in the past 20 days...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 318
I think it comes in waves. Funny I read this post right now... I'm actually craving a little and super frustrated to tears... over seemingly NOTHING. From what I've heard it's common in the beginning of recovery... and even after to be honest with PAWS.
Ultimately, I know I won't drink tonight; however, I am in the worst mood and would definitely be tempted if I kept alcohol in the house (hence why it's not here)...
ANYWAYS! I'm so sorry for rambling. Yes, I completely understand where your coming from...hearing stories and having people laugh it off as common or okay to be drunk beyond coherence can be either tempting, a trigger or make one frustrated.
From my personal experience, I didn't start drinking until quite a bit later than a lot of my friends and would be really upset and angry when I heard of their drunken stories. Then, I started drinking. When I started doing stupid and irresponsible things while drunk, I remember either close friends or boyfriend laughing and telling me it was okay because "it happens to everyone." To be honest, I then started forcing myself to laugh it off because then it's normal and funny and nothing wrong. It was a constant inner battle for myself, I can tell you that. When I started attempting to stop drinking, I had to realize that NO this does NOT happen to everyone....
Once again, sorry for the rambling. Not even sure where I was going with that...
Ultimately, I know I won't drink tonight; however, I am in the worst mood and would definitely be tempted if I kept alcohol in the house (hence why it's not here)...
ANYWAYS! I'm so sorry for rambling. Yes, I completely understand where your coming from...hearing stories and having people laugh it off as common or okay to be drunk beyond coherence can be either tempting, a trigger or make one frustrated.
From my personal experience, I didn't start drinking until quite a bit later than a lot of my friends and would be really upset and angry when I heard of their drunken stories. Then, I started drinking. When I started doing stupid and irresponsible things while drunk, I remember either close friends or boyfriend laughing and telling me it was okay because "it happens to everyone." To be honest, I then started forcing myself to laugh it off because then it's normal and funny and nothing wrong. It was a constant inner battle for myself, I can tell you that. When I started attempting to stop drinking, I had to realize that NO this does NOT happen to everyone....
Once again, sorry for the rambling. Not even sure where I was going with that...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
IMO I believe those who laugh it off and who are truly alcoholics are probably in denial about it and if they laugh about it I believe they may do so hoping maybe others won't take it so serious. Minimize it.
IMO There will always be good days and bad days in sobriety.
If you are an alcoholic like me, I think you know what really follows a night of heavy out of control drinking. Guilt, shame and remorse.
For me I believe it is God's way of saying this is not the life I have for you and the consequences you are feeling now are a result of a bad choice you have made. Bad choices always bring on some kind of negative consequences.
Getting black out drunk and puking is no longer a good choice for me, it never was.
When I stopped pretending it was funny and I wasn't hurting and surrendered I got help. But it took a long time and some pretty heavy consequences that still follow me. I am grateful I finally listened to that shame, and guilt, it probably saved my life.
IMO There will always be good days and bad days in sobriety.
If you are an alcoholic like me, I think you know what really follows a night of heavy out of control drinking. Guilt, shame and remorse.
For me I believe it is God's way of saying this is not the life I have for you and the consequences you are feeling now are a result of a bad choice you have made. Bad choices always bring on some kind of negative consequences.
Getting black out drunk and puking is no longer a good choice for me, it never was.
When I stopped pretending it was funny and I wasn't hurting and surrendered I got help. But it took a long time and some pretty heavy consequences that still follow me. I am grateful I finally listened to that shame, and guilt, it probably saved my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
It was very hard for me to stay sober - drinking was my life...I was immediately relieved to be sober - but not happy, not for a while.
but -I wasn't happy as a drunk either.
I figured at least if I stayed sober maybe I had a chance of being happy eventually...and like everyone here told me at the time, that's exactly how it happened
D
but -I wasn't happy as a drunk either.
I figured at least if I stayed sober maybe I had a chance of being happy eventually...and like everyone here told me at the time, that's exactly how it happened
D
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I have thoughts about drinking from time to time, but I never think of being happy were I to drink. Happiness just isn't part of the deal.
I didn't know what true happiness was while I was drinking. I didn't know a lot of things.
No one deserves to be miserable, but our ideas around happiness are often distorted by things such as what we think happiness is and what we think being happy feels like. In sobriety, we have a fighting chance to come to know and experience ways of living that are simply not available to us while we're drinking.
So yeah, I'm very happy and very grateful to be sober. I had to work harder than I ever worked on anything in my life to get there, and I wouldn't trade that in for anything.
I didn't know what true happiness was while I was drinking. I didn't know a lot of things.
No one deserves to be miserable, but our ideas around happiness are often distorted by things such as what we think happiness is and what we think being happy feels like. In sobriety, we have a fighting chance to come to know and experience ways of living that are simply not available to us while we're drinking.
So yeah, I'm very happy and very grateful to be sober. I had to work harder than I ever worked on anything in my life to get there, and I wouldn't trade that in for anything.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
I think human nature itself, means we are not consistently happy with anything. I mean, I love where I'm living but some days it irritates me and I want to move on.
As time goes by, it becomes the 'norm' though and I feel more at peace with it.
I'm hoping the same will be true of being sober Xx
As time goes by, it becomes the 'norm' though and I feel more at peace with it.
I'm hoping the same will be true of being sober
Xx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 47
I am 6 days sober... I swing minute to minute between being relieved and happy about my decision to being sad and depressed that I can't 'laugh off' my drinking and just be like every other 'normal' person LOL... Honestly early days of sobriety are such a rollercoaster... However I never laughed off my drinking, if I drank 2 bottles of wine and ended up spewing out of the car (usually never made it out of the car, was normally all over myself) I could never laugh it off, I spent days crying in the shower... When I remember that I remember why I get happy about sobriety...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
I get the urge and romanticize the idea in my head sometimes but then I remember how I felt after drinking. I do get what you are saying about how when we drink we feel horrible and others just laugh it off. I can say the reason I feel so bad about it is I know I let my AV take control of me and I don't like to lose control. Sure, I have my off days when I'm not too happy but overall I'm much happier with myself sober than the way I was before.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,688
Hi unchartedxo, great post, I've had cravings all weekend for booze, but not given into them, thank goodness and SR.
I am so HAPPY I do not drink and stay sober. Yes, there are obstacles on this road, but hey, I'm finding myself again. Most my decisions in the past included a foggy haze or when's my next drink.
So, though I'm still getting familiar with the new me, I would be sooooo unhappy if I slipped. I'm looking forward to living without waking up rough , bruises I can't remember getting, remorse, misgivings.
Thankyou, cos DRINK YOU STINK.
Have a great day friends on SR. x
I am so HAPPY I do not drink and stay sober. Yes, there are obstacles on this road, but hey, I'm finding myself again. Most my decisions in the past included a foggy haze or when's my next drink.
So, though I'm still getting familiar with the new me, I would be sooooo unhappy if I slipped. I'm looking forward to living without waking up rough , bruises I can't remember getting, remorse, misgivings.
Thankyou, cos DRINK YOU STINK.
Have a great day friends on SR. x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Sometimes I have cravings, sometimes I romanize drinking, sometimes I wish I could slam a few back and feel pleasantly numb, but not a single sober day has gone by that I wished I were still drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
It sounds like you are grateful really Uncharted Personally, I was amazed I was sober, felt like sh*t but carried on regardless. I had no pink cloud. But the positives kept on coming and I am so glad I stuck it out. If I had any advice it would be to stay away from people drinking as much as possible. I felt like I needed to carry on as normal but emotionally I couldn't handle it. Now I can and I am much more secure in my sobriety. But yeah, I still get days when I am ungrateful. I try and turn it round and look at the positives, but it takes time to learn to do that on instinct x
Personally, I was amazed I was sober, felt like sh*t but carried on regardless. I had no pink cloud. But the positives kept on coming and I am so glad I stuck it out. If I had any advice it would be to stay away from people drinking as much as possible. I felt like I needed to carry on as normal but emotionally I couldn't handle it. Now I can and I am much more secure in my sobriety. But yeah, I still get days when I am ungrateful. I try and turn it round and look at the positives, but it takes time to learn to do that on instinct x
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