Ashamed Mum, new here :'(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Middlesex, UK
Posts: 9
Ashamed Mum, new here :'(
Hello everybody.
I've just stumbled across this site. Ok that's a fib I google searched "addicted to alcohol" after become increasingly concerned about how it's taken over my life controls me day in day out..
Each morn I tell myself I'm not going to drink needless to say I do; it's what I look forward to the most which I'm extremely ashamed of being a mom of 3. I look like hell, people think I'm ill.
I don't really get drunk, but I do drink a bottle of wine every night, more at weekends. I have tried several times but the anxiety beats me.
I make excuses for my drinking constantly and have resorted to hiding bottles. I no longer feel like a normal person. It's killing me.
Any advice on how I can be sober today would be of immense help.
Thank you
Rose
x
I've just stumbled across this site. Ok that's a fib I google searched "addicted to alcohol" after become increasingly concerned about how it's taken over my life controls me day in day out..
Each morn I tell myself I'm not going to drink needless to say I do; it's what I look forward to the most which I'm extremely ashamed of being a mom of 3. I look like hell, people think I'm ill.
I don't really get drunk, but I do drink a bottle of wine every night, more at weekends. I have tried several times but the anxiety beats me.
I make excuses for my drinking constantly and have resorted to hiding bottles. I no longer feel like a normal person. It's killing me.
Any advice on how I can be sober today would be of immense help.
Thank you
Rose
x
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Hey rose welcome! I was you not too long ago. I drank my nights away a lonely mom. I know the daily void of giving EVERYTHING of yourself and being depleted. I use to use my bottle of wine almost every night as my " mommy reward", For all my selfless acts! The wine was killing me, not only physically but mentally. I gave myself away. Please do this for YOURSELF, and in turn you will give your family a gift.
Congrats on starting this journey! Hang here post read it kept me very sane early on
!
Congrats on starting this journey! Hang here post read it kept me very sane early on
!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Welcome, Rose!
It's pretty normal to feel shame and guilt over our actions when we are drinking. Alcoholism destroys self-esteem. I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop drinking in order to be the person you want to be. We're here to support you.
It's pretty normal to feel shame and guilt over our actions when we are drinking. Alcoholism destroys self-esteem. I'm glad you recognize that you need to stop drinking in order to be the person you want to be. We're here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 315
Hello and welcome. I was in your shoes 56 days ago. I drank because for anything that made me happy, stressed, depressed, bored. It was all I felt I had to look forward to and "got through" all activities with my kids just waiting until I could get home and open that bottle of wine. You can do this! It won't always be easy, but it is worth it. Post and read. Congratulations on finding SR.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome
Wanting to quit drinking is the first step.
Doing something about it is a second. No amount of thinking is going to get you sober. sobriety is all about action
What worked for me when all else failed was AA. In AA I surrounded by people who knew what it was like to be me. I was surrounded by people from every walk of life and we all shared a common problem of drinking too much and when we did not want to.
Many do not want to go to AA because they have a preconceived notion of what an alcoholic is which is almost universally wrong.
If you are serious about getting sober try a few meetings and if they do not work there are other options.
Wanting to quit drinking is the first step.
Doing something about it is a second. No amount of thinking is going to get you sober. sobriety is all about action
What worked for me when all else failed was AA. In AA I surrounded by people who knew what it was like to be me. I was surrounded by people from every walk of life and we all shared a common problem of drinking too much and when we did not want to.
Many do not want to go to AA because they have a preconceived notion of what an alcoholic is which is almost universally wrong.
If you are serious about getting sober try a few meetings and if they do not work there are other options.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 221
Hi Rose
It's so stressful being a mum, I have two little boys, it's tougher for you with three.
I am an alcoholic and I attend aa meetings. They are so good, the steps and the people give me hope. I haven't had a drink now for 45-50 days. Just one day at a time. Alcoholism is not a moral failing, it's a disease and you need compassion for yourself to get through this.
Big Hugs,
We are here for you. X
Bec
It's so stressful being a mum, I have two little boys, it's tougher for you with three.
I am an alcoholic and I attend aa meetings. They are so good, the steps and the people give me hope. I haven't had a drink now for 45-50 days. Just one day at a time. Alcoholism is not a moral failing, it's a disease and you need compassion for yourself to get through this.
Big Hugs,
We are here for you. X
Bec
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
I am a single dad, and your story is like mine.
switching the wine for scotch.
i tried everything, everything that "they" say woulld work.
Nothing did until i committed to AA and did what "they" said.
I am at two and half years and have never been prouder and happier
switching the wine for scotch.
i tried everything, everything that "they" say woulld work.
Nothing did until i committed to AA and did what "they" said.
I am at two and half years and have never been prouder and happier
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
welcome, rose.
i am a mum too. i haven't seen my daughter in a month as she is living with her dad due to my drinking. i am just over a month sober and attend AA meetings as often as i can. i am slowly rebuilding my relationship with my precious girl.
we are not the only ones. good luck in your journey.
i am a mum too. i haven't seen my daughter in a month as she is living with her dad due to my drinking. i am just over a month sober and attend AA meetings as often as i can. i am slowly rebuilding my relationship with my precious girl.
we are not the only ones. good luck in your journey.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi Rose , so nice to see you posting, hang around , you will like it in here 
there is so much to read and learn. Please don't feel ashamed , feel empowered. I'm a Mum of 4 ...
There are mums , dads sisters , brothers , grampas grandmas even a grtgrampa or 2
Your post reminded me of my own 4 months ago when I was desperate.
I would never have stayed sober without the kind friends i have met in here.
Warm Welcome to you xxxxx
there is so much to read and learn. Please don't feel ashamed , feel empowered. I'm a Mum of 4 ... There are mums , dads sisters , brothers , grampas grandmas even a grtgrampa or 2
Your post reminded me of my own 4 months ago when I was desperate.
I would never have stayed sober without the kind friends i have met in here.
Warm Welcome to you xxxxx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to SR! I was a wino too, at least a bottle or two a day.
I got sober thru the help of this site and my addiction counselor. It's been working for nearly four years now. If I can do this, so can you. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome, Rose. I am glad that you are here with us. If you are committed to sobriety, you will find the good people here to be extremely helpful and supportive. They have helped me stay sober since the day I stumbled upon this website, 72 days ago. I hope you will post often. We are all in this together. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 154
What's working for me
Hi Rose,
I'm a mom of 2 whose Chardonnay habit started as a way of dealing with the daily stress of being a mom. After a while, I started looking for stresses to justify the Chardonnary and it was downhill from there.
Like you, I didn't drink a lot - 1/2 to 1 bottle every evening, but I just got tired of the wine controlling my life. I tried for about a year to moderate and control my drinking and it just didn't work. I'd go for a couple of day with very little or nothing to drink and at the first disappointment/crisis/celebration/whatever, I'd be back to drinking.
Here is what is working for me. 1) I've told myself that my first priority every day is to stay clean and sober. That means that regardless of what happens, I don't have to react to it today. That doesn't mean I don't deal with it, I just don't emotionally flip out over it. 2) I've kept a daily journal that has been very helpful in making me see my triggers and identifying attitudes and actions I can change. 3) When I feel the urge to drink, I come to SR and read a little. This always helps me put some distance between my craving and actually drinking.
I'd also like to share with you that I was also very ashamed of my drinking. I live an extremely comfortable life that most people would give their right arms for. I don't have any "excuse" for my behavior. Now that my thinking is clearer, I realize that the only thing I have to be embarassed about is that it took me so long to own up to my problem. So please focus on being very proud of yourself for dealing with your drinking. I'm glad you are here!
I'm a mom of 2 whose Chardonnay habit started as a way of dealing with the daily stress of being a mom. After a while, I started looking for stresses to justify the Chardonnary and it was downhill from there.
Like you, I didn't drink a lot - 1/2 to 1 bottle every evening, but I just got tired of the wine controlling my life. I tried for about a year to moderate and control my drinking and it just didn't work. I'd go for a couple of day with very little or nothing to drink and at the first disappointment/crisis/celebration/whatever, I'd be back to drinking.
Here is what is working for me. 1) I've told myself that my first priority every day is to stay clean and sober. That means that regardless of what happens, I don't have to react to it today. That doesn't mean I don't deal with it, I just don't emotionally flip out over it. 2) I've kept a daily journal that has been very helpful in making me see my triggers and identifying attitudes and actions I can change. 3) When I feel the urge to drink, I come to SR and read a little. This always helps me put some distance between my craving and actually drinking.
I'd also like to share with you that I was also very ashamed of my drinking. I live an extremely comfortable life that most people would give their right arms for. I don't have any "excuse" for my behavior. Now that my thinking is clearer, I realize that the only thing I have to be embarassed about is that it took me so long to own up to my problem. So please focus on being very proud of yourself for dealing with your drinking. I'm glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Welcome Rose! I am so glad you discovered us!!!
I too am a Recovering Wino and damn proud of it!!! (the recovering part that is!!)
I have tried for years to stop. I was very good at stopping. I just was never good at staying stopped.
For me, the moment I fully embraced SR and actively started to participate is when I finally started to make progress. It was at this point that I was able to finally accept the fact that I have a serious problem. No if's, and's, or but's. No more excuses.
As soon as I fully accepted reality for what it is, then everything else has been falling into place.
My best advice to you is to memorialize how horrid your life becomes when you decide having "just one glass of wine" is a good idea. Every time you get the urge, and YOU WILL, just think back on how miserable your life was and how depressed and anxious you felt. Then ask yourself, "Do I really want to risk going back to that?"
My best to you!
I too am a Recovering Wino and damn proud of it!!! (the recovering part that is!!)
I have tried for years to stop. I was very good at stopping. I just was never good at staying stopped.
For me, the moment I fully embraced SR and actively started to participate is when I finally started to make progress. It was at this point that I was able to finally accept the fact that I have a serious problem. No if's, and's, or but's. No more excuses.
As soon as I fully accepted reality for what it is, then everything else has been falling into place.
My best advice to you is to memorialize how horrid your life becomes when you decide having "just one glass of wine" is a good idea. Every time you get the urge, and YOU WILL, just think back on how miserable your life was and how depressed and anxious you felt. Then ask yourself, "Do I really want to risk going back to that?"
My best to you!
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