LadyinBC

I know for me it stuck in my craw to admit I was powerless over anything because my ego wouldn't accept anything less. I really had to work on this in the beginning.

LadyBlue0527

You'd be hard pressed to find any post from a person here saying that they went back out and everything came out smelling like roses. On the contrary, when people come back they realize that no only was it bad, it gets worse each time you pick up.

Wow, 6 years, that is amazing! The further you're removed from the madness the easier it is to forget. Can you sit and reflect on life at that point and what led you to make the decision to stop? Is it really worth doing the research to see if it will work again?

I don't know about you but I'm not willing to climb Mount Everest, be a few steps short, and have even one sip head me back to the bottom again. I will not put myself in the position to have to climb this mountain again. Nothing is worth that.

FeelingGreat

Hi Ratso, I don't know if you'd go on to be a responsible drinker or not, but I don't think normal drinkers experience cravings. The other red flag for me was the fact that you drank daily. Normies could skip days without even thinking about it.
Only you can decide, and you sound pretty level headed, but those two points stood out for me.

Ratso

Those are my red flags too. There were times when I would drink only on weekends, But for the majority of the time I indulged on a daily basis.

I want to enjoy a beer, am I the only one? I want to have a few beers, is that so bad?

I hate to be drunk, that won't be a problem, I suffer from anxiety and I can't get drunk without freaking out.

I just want to be able to enjoy things that I like without guilt, or fear.

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anybody????? It don't make sense to me, that's why I'm on here rambling.

Uninvited

Hi ratso. I can remember when I only drank a 6 pack a night. It grew to a lot more.

LadyinBC

I do think about drinking and I would love to have a drink. To say I hate drinking and to say I never think about it would be lying. I do think about it, but I know that I won't just have one. And I know for me I couldn't drink without feeling guilty or fear.

Yes, you do make sense.

Johnston

I was an anxiety drinker also. After many years abs I decided to test the waters. I did not go downhill immediately like some people say (esp many AA'ers) but the addiction did gradually creep back in to the point that I had cravings. On top of this my sleep was impacted negatively from the booze which in turn led to more anxiety.

Do yourself a favor and stay abs. It was much harder for me to stop the second time around.

FeelingGreat

Mate I think we all feel that to a certain extent. In your case the danger would be if you got back to the six pack daily, or more. That's over the health guidelines, and probably doesn't help with the anxiety. But it's your choice, it's up to you to decide how 'bad' it is.

Ratso

You all have given great answers, and given me things to think about.

Thank you for that! One day at a time I guess, even after 6 years sober---

KristyCat

Hi Ratso, I noticed in your post you seemed to list all these things about your drinking problem that "weren't so bad", it was a "mild" problem, it was easy to quit, the withdrawals weren't that bad, etc...

Sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that it's ok to go back to it. I just feel like that's really alcoholic thinking.. I think it's your addiction talking, trying to lure you back into drinking. I only know because I've done the same thing. Don't underestimate the power of alcohol, I have a huge amount of willpower and it eventually took control of me.

Also, sounds like you could use some new friends! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I'd tell them to &^$& off with calling you a wuss. Tell them you don't need a drug to enjoy life. You overcame a HUGE obstacle in quitting drinking, and you handle life (which can really really SUCK sometimes) without a bottle. Could they do the same? Ask them who's the pus$y now?

Bird615

I drank after 30 years sober. No matter how hard I tried to moderate and not get so wasted when I drank, it soon went went back to how it was and was escalating beyond that pretty quickly by the time I stopped again. I'm having a tough time getting comfortable being sober again. I woke up the beast and really regret that.

WhitePawn

Hey Rat,
I'm in my late 50's and even though I've spent a lifetime reading science magazines and journals--there seems to be an open secret that is not widely disseminated by the medical media, or any other forms of media.
If you search alcohol addiction you will find all kinds of info to help you determine if you have a problem--all kinds of info for treatment, and info on all the damage alcohol does to your different organs.
But what you will very seldom read is that using alcohol is large enough quantities over enough time will make you an ADDICT.
However if I Google meth, heroin, nicotine, or cocaine--I will be repeatedly warned of the addictive nature of these drugs. Why not alcohol?
Is it because alcohol is legal and there are giant industries promoting it use and also in treating the resulting addictions. The media seems to promote the myth that some individuals can drink heavily over long periods and not become an addict--my experience and research is that this is a blatant lie.
OK--I'm off my soapbox.
I would recommend that you do a little research and reading about alcohol withdrawal kindling--understanding the mechanisms involved might make you rethink the idea of going back to drinking.
Good luck with your decision.

Ratso

To a certain extent you are correct. I want to have a beer, or a few beers.

I don't do it because I am afraid of falling into my old pattern.

If I knew I could drink responsibly I would not hesitate to try it out. I don't believe there is some alcoholic gene or way of thinking sending me subliminal messages trying to get me to pick it up again.

It is me, I loved the way beer tastes and would like to have one again. However I am scared I will develop a bad habit again. Has anybody on here ever picked up drinking and been able to do it responsibly?

Ratso

I've spent tons of time researching alcoholism. I've come to the conclusion that some need to stay away, some can drink responsibly.

I like to think (or lie to myself) that I can be responsible. I think I was lucky to have been able to walk away, and not be a real heavy drinker---Maybe due to that I can be responsible? Maybe I better thank God I escaped before it got ugly for me--Who knows.

DoubleBarrel

Are you trying to convince us, or yourself?

There's one way to see if you are powerless over alcohol, and that is to drink some more, and then stop.

You'll find out.

I just think if you've been sober six years, is that an experiment that is worthwhile?

What is the best case scenario?

longbeachone

This is such a loaded question to ask a bunch of people in recovery! It's like asking a roomful of people that are allergic to peanuts if it's okay to have just one peanut butter sandwich. We are horrified, of course. For me, drinking again would be death. Death to my soul, to my relationships, to my health and to my happiness. I can't and would never attempt to tell you what you should or could do. All I will say is that you're playing with fire.

Dee74

I think there's been a lot of good advice here.
In any case, the OP has left and can no longer reply...so this thread is closed.

D