Susan80

I have failed again and got drunk yesterday. So much for all my hard work!! I was only going to have "two," but as usual in was more like 8. So fed up with myself.

suki44883

Read your signature line. Keep going. You can do this. However, don't try to convince yourself you can have "two." It rarely works and even if it does once or twice, you will eventually do the same thing you did last night.

Today is a new day. Let it be the first of many without alcohol. (((HUGS)))

Susan80

Thank you.

1stepup

Keep going, at least it was just one night, I drink on the guilt of slipping and its a vicious circle, we MUST believe that no matter how many times we've slipped, we will make it in the end, no-one has the same path and as ,long as we keep going we'll get to the same destination in the end. My 'two' turned into 3 days and nights of blackouts so I know what youre going through, best wishes. x

dwtbd

I'm confused. At what did you fail, trying to only have two glasses or not drinking?

Susan80

Not drinking.

Anna

I think you need to question why you thought having two drinks was okay. I couldn't have managed that at all, though I tried countless times. I hope you recognize that you need to stop drinking completely and it's actually easier to do that than to moderate your drinking.

Susan80

I have realised that I cannot just have a couple of drinks. I dont even know why I bothered drinking yesterday. Meeting a friend this week who has been going to aa for years. I obviously cannot do this alone.

soberclover

I failed at trying to control my drinking many many times. I finally gave up; I was scared of what might happen if I didn't. My mantra is "Don't pick up a drink.....no matter what." It does suck some times.....but then that feeling goes away and a better feeling of not drinking is in it's place.

360shoes

Hi Susan,
I had days where I just drank one, some days just two, sometimes 2 bottles. Actually more nights of two bottles if I'm honest.

Thing was for me it didn't matter how bad or not so bad it got, I just hated how I felt about myself after drinking. Hated I say. I don't know why I always hated it but still continued to do it. Finally, after many attempts at quitting I finally got past the early sucky stage. It was when I finally said that's it. It's not an option. No matter how bad I feel or how much I think I deserve it or think I can handle it, I ain't doing it. No matter what. Even if for the rest of my life all I get is life is just so so. It still has to be better than this circle of hell.

I couldn't take it anymore. It was no way to live.

I always knew in my many attempts when I was close to giving up. The minute I started justifying any reason for it, I knew I was either a) just going to do it or b) it was just a matter of time before I did do it if I didn't do something quick. I always knew. Just me.

For me I just had to do a couple of things. Stop drinking and be willing to take whatever came no matter what. Find a way to only see the positives in quitting and be able to very quickly extinguish that weird wiring in my brain when it screamed for me to drink. And scream it did. Not all the time. And not for a long period of time. But it did it. Sometimes the best I could do was hide under the covers with a pint of ice cream repeating to myself over and over that I promised myself I wouldn't drink no matter what. Well no matter what is here!

Anyway, it gets easier the longer you can hang on. Especially if you can debunk any positives about it. I totally convinced myself there is nothing good about it or that it does anything for me. Nada. That took some mental gymnastics but I just didn't want me to have any misgivings that something that so obviously wasn't working for me was going to mysteriously change. If there was any changing to be done. It was going to have to be me. Or it was back to all that fun of drinking and letting myself down over and over and over again.

Hey, your hard work is not for nothing. You now know you can work hard. You now know drinking ain't offering anything new. Look forward and don't look back. Do what you need to do. You can do it!

HeadLump

Well done, Susan, for getting straight back on it and not giving up. I think that takes a lot of guts

I hope you get some support from your friend. Are you thinking of joining AA yourself? That sounds like a great idea to me -and a wonderfully positive response to what's happened. Rooting for you xxx

KateL

Just a little slip ~ no biggie xx

Susan80

Thank you so much everyone. I am thinking about going to aa with my friend. She said that she has met great people there and I think I need the support at the moment.

anonymick

I think that's a great idea. The support and help you can find from your friend and aa might really be the thing you need on your journey right now. And yeah... I tried that "two drink" rule that always ended up being 8...or 10... or more. Talk about a slippery slope. For me, the only answer is complete and total abstinence. Good luck to you.

KateL

If you don't like AA there are alternatives, if you do then fab!!!

Susan80

The "higher power" thing puts me off, but I suppose don't knock it until you try it. . .

ElijahNoahColt

Aa sounds like a brilliant plan you're lucky you have a friend in a similar situation, you could ask for advice and just for general support. I'm glad you came to post, this is a great support network full of countless people who are here for you and who have been in the same boat

You can do this, you should recognise that you shouldn't try to moderate your drinking but stop all together. You're never alone in this and you should feel no shame for having a small hiccup in your road to sobriety, it's good that acknowledged it so you can move passed it. You have a wonderful life ahead of you all the best

-ENC

1stepup

Think ive got to the stage where I HAVE to commit to AA and not try and do things my way, and see others suggestions as orders, throwing the towel in I don't wont another battering from alcohol, its won the game and im sick and tired of playing it.

KateL

Yes that put me off as did the self loathing a lot of people seemed to adopt. It helped loads at first because I felt like part of something, then I did my own thing which also worked. So I'm not knocking it completely.

onthebrink

You fall, you get up, dust yourself off, seek a supportive network of friends and get back to it. I think it would be a safe bet that most of us have tried and relapsed more than once but there are many here who have fought the beast and won. It can be done. And you can do it!! I'm new too and would not be surprised at all to see myself posting this same thing at some point. But I think we can make it.

I'm thinking of it like a baby learning to walk at the moment. Stand up, fall down, stand up, fall down, stand up...take a few steps forward...keep going until you don't fall down again.

Hang in there!