JaylaaKent

Hi Susan: Glad you are trying again. I went through a couple of relapses before I finally made it to 45 days (which is where I am now). I have issues with the whole God thing also - I believe in God - but just the whole "pray to not drink when you are feeling like drinking" I haven't really "felt" that works for me yet. I call people I have met and say "Hey I'm having a ****** day and I really want to drink." They will usually talk me down and get me to redirect on other activities: cleaning my house, crocheting (yes I've learned to crochet while in recovery), anything OTHER than drinking. We liked to drink when we were bored, angry, happy, you get the point. It's a habit of "coping" for us. But you can break it. For me right now my God is my own inner perseverance of knowing how sh*tty I feel after drinking and all the damage I do while I'm drinking. I can drink, anytime I want, I just can't drink safely or sanely - so it's best for me to avoid it. Hang in there find some support.

KateL

Hear hear. Spot on. It took me more than 25 years but I got there in the end.

EndGameNYC

Good. Just go. It's an hour out of your life, and you might hear something that can save your life.

Bluemax65

Thank you for all the hope during this thread. I went on a bender both Fri and Sat nights. Just drinking alone in my apt., reading, listening to music, and watching movies. Today, Sunday, I feel completely miserable and disgusted. There's an AA club up the street which I've been to but I'm afraid to go to it alone. I need to discuss the meeting afterwards instead of heading back to my lonely apartment.

onthebrink

Do it. Go to the meeting. I'm not a religious person, well, I used to be but life has left me down a lot lately...or has it been the alcohol? That is the question isn't it?

But, I would still recommend the AA meeting. It is helpful to be welcomed by so many people who know what you are going through and, believe it or not, you'll find a lot of them have delt with even more than you are are okay now. That in itself is encouraging. They will support you, they only want to help you. It is better than drinking that's for damn sure!

flujays

Hey Susan... I know what you mean. I'm not a religious person at all, however, I went to my first AA meetings last week and what I have realised over the last week or so is that the planets all aligned to bring about several small miracles in my life. "the Universe" got me into AA last week, "The Universe" was watching over me 15 years ago when I nearly lost my life, "The Universe" brought me several people in AA one of whom is now my unofficial sponsor and who I can already feel is going to be a significant person in my recovery. "The Universe" got me to call my sponsor this morning to talk through my relapse over the weekend instead of throwing in the towel, missing meetings and just carrying on drinking. "The Universe" is my higher power, it doesn't have to be god or any religious figure. Have there been times in your life you can think of when you felt like an angel was watching over you? That my friend is your higher power. You just have to be willing to see it.

dizzychainsaw

Keep trying! That's what I'm doing! No matter how many times I fail, I will keep trying for sobriety as long as I'm breathing! Going to a meeting with your friend sounds like a great idea! I stayed sober in AA for 14 months. When I distanced myself from AA is when I really started having problems staying sober. I plan on going back to AA really soon!

FeenixxRising

I've been there Susan. IMO your trouble started when you thought you could stop after two drinks. That was my problem. I had to finally get rid of any notion that I could ever drink normally. Once I did, staying stopped became easier.

I'd say you need to fully convince yourself that you can't drink normally, and the only option is to quit for good.

Keep at it, it will eventually click.