Victoria74

I just realized that my BF is a huge trigger for me to drink. I am so used to drinking with him and I find it really hard to relax sober after work. We don´t meet so often and almost only when my kids are with their father. He has huge expectations when we meet and I am usually tired from a long day of work and would rather just relax in the sofa, talk or make dinner insted of jumping to bed with him immediately. A problem I have "solved" with wine... Well, on Monday I´m going over for a few days but have booked in running with some friends after work which means I will go there late. Too late to drink I hope..
Another problem is that being early in recovery I´m rather moody and not really up to pleasing other people. I probably should stay at home by myself..
I do love him a lot and need to find ways of dealing with stress sober.

JadeSatellite

Have you talked to him about what you're doing, and why you may not be up for physical intimacy right now? Letting him in on what's going on could (and should!) help ease the pressure you feel.

Victoria74

Thats the problem, I haven´t talked to him about quitting, only about moderating. I am afraid of letting him know the severity of my problem, as he thinks I don´t have a problem, only that I drink too much sometimes or that I don´t tolerate alcohol well...
I think I am a little reluctant to start calling me an alcoholic, the word is so loaded. He has reallystrong opinions about alcoholics.

JadeSatellite

I tried moderating first, and that didn't go so well for me. I kept thinking "Oh, just one more... if I can handle beer, a few glasses of wine won't hurt... oh a few shots won't cause me to black out... maybe a few more then I'll walk home..."

Maybe you can moderate, but there's a reason you're here right? You think you have a problem. And that means you do.

I just had a talk with my partner this morning about their drinking and how they really can't be around me for a while with a drink. Even though your boyfriend has opinions on alcoholics, he may very well be seeing one.

If the word is what bothers you, then don't use it. Tell him you are stopping drinking.

Victoria74

I think that´s the thing, although I know I have a problem and feel great sober, I have trouble accepting I can never drink again. But i am trying to take it one day at a time, filling the days with other things. And I guess that´s why I am reluctant to telling my BF I quit completely..

JadeSatellite

I'm right there with you, I'm only on day 5. I've said I was an alcoholic for a year, but I didn't do anything to stop, and it just got progressively worse. I hear you when you say you are getting anxious thinking that you can never drink again. I got that really bad MANY times when I tried to moderate or quit.

But being sober for 5 days has shown me something: I much prefer not drinking. I think it will make things fun and exciting and interesting, but it ends up drowning me and things end up worse than before. My fun dancing turns into being an ugly sloppy drunk on the dance floor - it turns me into an inconsiderate and un-fun lover - I embarrass myself by posting drunk ramblings on Facebook, or texting / calling friends drunk.

Filling your days is definitely a great start!! You'll really start to see how actually doing things makes the desire kind of flow away.

If it makes you uncomfortable thinking that you can't ever have a drink again, think about just making it through being sober for a set amount of time. Not like a "goal" perse with a "reward" of drinking, but if it helps you get through a recovery period, it may help with the initial anxiety.

DoubleDragons

Victoria, I cried when I told my husband of almost twenty years that I planned on quitting. He has been very supportive, even though he was like your boyfriend as far as not thinking I really have a problem. I am not calling myself an "alcoholic." I am calling myself a person who chooses not to drink alcohol. Like, I am a person who chooses not to eat red meat. I am a person who chooses not to go to scary movies. I am standing by my choices because they are the choices that make me feel healthy and sane and peaceful.

13unluckyforsom

I like that way of putting it - I too don't feel comfortable or peaceful before during or after a scary movie so it's simply not something I do. Good perspective

Nuudawn

I do not label myself with the word "alcoholic" either. I am much more than my alcohol problem and continue to learn that day by day. I also don't concern myself with worrying about forever. Forever is not within my control...only this moment is. I don't drink now..that's my commitment. Funny thing..it's always now : ) I know my wierd and wacky little brain well enough to know that if I stop looking at it as MY choice (a choice I continue to make)...it will rebel like a 14 year old.

I like me WAY better sober than I did drinking. Good enough reason to stay that way. That is not to say that in moments of extreme anxiety ..alcohol hasn't presented itself like a sexy lover lol...but I get back into ..my CHOICE to not drink as a means to cope or deal with real life.

As far as your man...ya, you don't have to be revved up for action the moment you see him. There is more to a relationship than sex...so how bout you try "relating" with him in your relationship and talk it out. It's perfectly acceptable for a woman to need to emotionally connect before peeling off her clothes. We are not animals... Let him cool his jets a bit. He will probably appreciate it. You're a woman..you have needs to.