Day Two of Hangover - An Introduction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 36
Day Two of Hangover - An Introduction
I'm a married, middle-class guy in his early 40s. By most measures, I'm very successful - but I've had a drinking problem since I was a teenager. Starting in my teens, any big social event or party with my friends involved getting drunk, and I learned to associate drinking with having fun; the two were inseparable. And to make my problem worse, I developed social anxiety in late teens, so I didn't even want to socialize with people without drinking.
Over the years, I've mostly been a weekend binge drinker, and I generally only would drink at night. It was manageable and even "normal" to many people, but at times - maybe twice a year - I'd get too drunk and do stupid things I'd regret. Over time, the frequency between these episodes got smaller, to the point it seems now every couple months or less I have one of those night.
Saturday night I had been drinking some beer by myself when I saw a group of my neighbors hanging outside, having some beers. I'm normally not social with them because of my social anxiety, and because I've been trying to cut back on drinking, but since I had a good buzz, I went over to hang out. After a couple more beers, they began offering me harder stuff - vodka and gin - and at some point after that, I blacked out. I don't really remember doing anything majorly stupid - but it's not remembering that scares me. As I try to piece the night together, I feel that I must have seemed foolish in some ways at least - and the possibility that I might have done something really stupid scares me. What bothers me most is I don't want it to affect my wife or daughter, by me having acted foolish.
So yesterday, I had a hangover from hell, staying in bed most of the day, my heart racing so badly at times that I thought I might die, feeling so plagued with guilt, shame, and self-loathing that I wanted to die (though I really want to stay alive to provide for my wife and daughter). Today I'm physically mostly better, but emotionally and mentally I still feel a wreck.
I know I've got to quit again, which is so easy at first. I can easily go six months or more without a drink - but then all the bad memories of drinking begin to fade, and I start to think it's a good idea again. Why can't I remember?! And during my sober months, I tend to shy away from friends, many of who drink - which is part of what leads me to start drinking again.
Lord, I hope these awful feelings pass, and I hope my wife doesn't divorce me. I'm a good husband and father - except when I drink too much, though I never am abusive, cheat on my wife, or anything like that.
Being an alcoholic sucks. I'm so tired of the pain. I hate myself when I drink, but when I don't drink I feel like an outcast.
Over the years, I've mostly been a weekend binge drinker, and I generally only would drink at night. It was manageable and even "normal" to many people, but at times - maybe twice a year - I'd get too drunk and do stupid things I'd regret. Over time, the frequency between these episodes got smaller, to the point it seems now every couple months or less I have one of those night.
Saturday night I had been drinking some beer by myself when I saw a group of my neighbors hanging outside, having some beers. I'm normally not social with them because of my social anxiety, and because I've been trying to cut back on drinking, but since I had a good buzz, I went over to hang out. After a couple more beers, they began offering me harder stuff - vodka and gin - and at some point after that, I blacked out. I don't really remember doing anything majorly stupid - but it's not remembering that scares me. As I try to piece the night together, I feel that I must have seemed foolish in some ways at least - and the possibility that I might have done something really stupid scares me. What bothers me most is I don't want it to affect my wife or daughter, by me having acted foolish.
So yesterday, I had a hangover from hell, staying in bed most of the day, my heart racing so badly at times that I thought I might die, feeling so plagued with guilt, shame, and self-loathing that I wanted to die (though I really want to stay alive to provide for my wife and daughter). Today I'm physically mostly better, but emotionally and mentally I still feel a wreck.
I know I've got to quit again, which is so easy at first. I can easily go six months or more without a drink - but then all the bad memories of drinking begin to fade, and I start to think it's a good idea again. Why can't I remember?! And during my sober months, I tend to shy away from friends, many of who drink - which is part of what leads me to start drinking again.
Lord, I hope these awful feelings pass, and I hope my wife doesn't divorce me. I'm a good husband and father - except when I drink too much, though I never am abusive, cheat on my wife, or anything like that.
Being an alcoholic sucks. I'm so tired of the pain. I hate myself when I drink, but when I don't drink I feel like an outcast.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth Australia
Posts: 221
You sound like a great guy, most alco's are lovely people. Sometimes we drink because we feel too much or are way too sensitive. Tried AA? If you really work the program, it keeps you sober and you find lasting happiness.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Welcome Cocteau. You're in the right place for support here.
I have a similar story myself. It was binging that got me into trouble more and more often. I realised eventually that I wasn't unlucky on the nights that it did go wrong but I was just lucky on the nights that it didn't. I'm now a month sober and feeling a lot better for it.
My other half was sick of my binging and my unacceptable behaviour when drinking but me promising to make a change and cut out the boozing has gone a long way. Hopefully it will be the same for you with your wife.
I have a similar story myself. It was binging that got me into trouble more and more often. I realised eventually that I wasn't unlucky on the nights that it did go wrong but I was just lucky on the nights that it didn't. I'm now a month sober and feeling a lot better for it.
My other half was sick of my binging and my unacceptable behaviour when drinking but me promising to make a change and cut out the boozing has gone a long way. Hopefully it will be the same for you with your wife.
to SR! You've come to a good place for support in stopping drinking. I'm glad you joined our family. 
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by Cocteau 
I know I've got to quit again, which is so easy at first. I can easily go six months or more without a drink - but then all the bad memories of drinking begin to fade, and I start to think it's a good idea again. Why can't I remember?! And during my sober months, I tend to shy away from friends, many of who drink - which is part of what leads me to start drinking again.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Welcome to SR.
Glad you found your way to this site.
There's a whole lot of people that have been in your shoes,I'm one of them.
But,I've been doing well and sober for over 2 months now and feel much better.
Your story sounds very much like some of my not so tactful experiences. And I'm 50 yo. and should know better.
Don't beat yourself up over what might have happened during your black out time. Sounds like the company you were with probably don't remember as well.
I had an episode 2 years ago on Halloween night where I got plastered. I remember(well,bit and pieces of it) yelling at a recently moved in nieghbor about his outside light being on all night.
I mean it was a full blown swearing tirade. Well,needless to say that nieghbor rarely speaks to me.
I can't change the past,only the future. So,maybe some day we'll talk and I'll explain that I was abusing alcohol terribly back then.
But, for now we'll just wave and stay at a distance.
Glad you found your way to this site.
There's a whole lot of people that have been in your shoes,I'm one of them.
But,I've been doing well and sober for over 2 months now and feel much better.
Your story sounds very much like some of my not so tactful experiences. And I'm 50 yo. and should know better.
Don't beat yourself up over what might have happened during your black out time. Sounds like the company you were with probably don't remember as well.
I had an episode 2 years ago on Halloween night where I got plastered. I remember(well,bit and pieces of it) yelling at a recently moved in nieghbor about his outside light being on all night.
I mean it was a full blown swearing tirade. Well,needless to say that nieghbor rarely speaks to me.
I can't change the past,only the future. So,maybe some day we'll talk and I'll explain that I was abusing alcohol terribly back then.
But, for now we'll just wave and stay at a distance.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Seattle,WA
Posts: 40
Welcome! You have a similar pattern to mine. What finally hit home for me is that my last day of drinking was opening day of the nfl season. I started early blacked out, was rude to my wife in front of our friends and made a fool of myself. I remember none of it. When I woke up I heard the story of a fan at the 49'er game that appeared drunk and subsequently fell to his death at the stadium.
Probably just a guy like me that started off wanting to have a good time not expecting anything bad to happen. I realized right then how dangerous being out of control can be.
19 times out of 20 when I drink all is well, good times for all! But I came to terms that the 1 out of 20 could have huge ramifications on my life, health and reputation.
I remind myself every day of that and it has really curbed the urge.
Good luck and welcome!
Probably just a guy like me that started off wanting to have a good time not expecting anything bad to happen. I realized right then how dangerous being out of control can be.
19 times out of 20 when I drink all is well, good times for all! But I came to terms that the 1 out of 20 could have huge ramifications on my life, health and reputation.
I remind myself every day of that and it has really curbed the urge.
Good luck and welcome!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 36
Thanks for all the encouragement.
My one hope is that me being drunk was "no big deal" to my neighbors. They seem to be big drinkers who party most weekends, sometimes starting in the early afternoon - which is why I generally avoided them. Though I don't think badly of them for their drinking - heck, when I was younger I wished I had neighbors to party with - but at this point in my life, they seemed like they could be a "bad influence". And now the first time I drink with them, I get stupid drunk.
My one hope is that me being drunk was "no big deal" to my neighbors. They seem to be big drinkers who party most weekends, sometimes starting in the early afternoon - which is why I generally avoided them. Though I don't think badly of them for their drinking - heck, when I was younger I wished I had neighbors to party with - but at this point in my life, they seemed like they could be a "bad influence". And now the first time I drink with them, I get stupid drunk.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome back Cocteau 
For me I had to acknowledge my alcoholism was for keeps - it wasn't going away - my life was good because I was no longer drinking, not because I'd been cured, y'know?
finally accepting that helped me a great deal.
D
For me I had to acknowledge my alcoholism was for keeps - it wasn't going away - my life was good because I was no longer drinking, not because I'd been cured, y'know?
finally accepting that helped me a great deal.
D
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 42
My story is eerily similar. What I've found is that the more I've thought about being apathetic sometime down the road and reasons to drink in the near or distant future the less successful I am in not drinking today. I found it a bit hokey at first but have embraced one day at a time.
I know no drinking today equals no possibility for drunken shenanigans, horrible hangover and the freedom not to worry. Days pile up and life gets better. My friends all drink. Some quite a bit. If they're friends they'll accept it, if they're drinking buddies, probably not.
I know no drinking today equals no possibility for drunken shenanigans, horrible hangover and the freedom not to worry. Days pile up and life gets better. My friends all drink. Some quite a bit. If they're friends they'll accept it, if they're drinking buddies, probably not.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
You mirror my story to a tee. We could be the same person. I really got tired of who I was and bored with that person. I wanted to reinvent myself and do different things. I was also really fed up with the hangovers that last for two days! It was just too much trouble. You know you van do without drink . I read and post here everyday as this helps me to stay focused, maybe you could try that. All the best
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