MidnightBlue

Tricky, facing big financial issues now I understand you perfectly.

But anxiety won't generate you money, won't change past, won't make you stronger.

All it can do is to ruin you present and mess up with your future.

Let it go - and let solution come into its place. These two don't rub along together. Anxiety kills productive thinking.

wakko

Sobriety is never lost. if you think that one day I decided to quit and just did then you were dreaming. it was hard it was a struggle but each relapse taught me something as did each period of sobriety.

In the begining I would live NA/AA Make a plan to fill every second of every day with recovery. Meetings, service work, volunteering, reading recovery material, socializing with sober people, SR, journaling.

You can do this. Make a plan and stick to it

wiscsober

I just posted on another thread for someone going through what you are now: Day1

Calling another recovering person will help you...keep in mind the call will help them also...just like your post here is helping us.

Really need to take care of your body...nourishment and sleep....take care of the body and the mind will follow

Pulling for you...peace always.

hayley86

Riky, sorry to hear you are struggling. Hang on in there. No one can change the past but you can learn from it and keep focused on moving forward. You can do this. Wishing you the best.

Fandy

tuck this away to remember for the future. you are shooting yourself in the foot.

my suggestion is to get showered, dressed and sit down to budget yourself to reduce your anxiety.
put your bills on the table, shuffle what you must and see if you can get more hours at your job? or a reasonable alternative.
get out of the house, go for a walk, go to a meeting, go to church, call family, ask if you can visit your grandchildren.
i hate to sound cliche, but shake yourself, you said "i felt lonely on Friday"....it would have been more productive/cheaper to go to a movie or clean something. you know how to combat these feelings, but you need to be proactive also.

Impurrfect

TR - I remember that anxiety well. I wanted to just climb out of my skin and I was convinced the feelings would never end.

I may be wrong, but I was thinking when you first came here, money wasn't so much of an issue. Now, it's becoming more and more an issue. I just remember praying that you didn't have to sink as far as I did to decide I'd had enough.

Bottom line, it's a progressive thing. If you're not blowing money on it, you're anxious as hell, trying to figure out how to get more and not go bankrupt.

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions. What you are feeling is just that - a feeling. If you give in? Well, you're going to feel even worse when you stop again. I was darned near suicidal.

I know you can do this.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ptcapote

Hey friend, I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand anxiety well and I know how awful that feeling is. I also know what a vicious cycle this can be when we are the generator of our own anxiety.

I agree with what most everyone else has said here but want to underscore that you need to have some sort of backup plan when the loneliness and need to use kick in. I bet it was just a short time frame on Friday night where if you could have had something else to do, to focus on, you very well may have gotten past that urge.

I don't know what that something is for you. Phone call to sponsor? Cleaning? Walk? Exercise? Movie? Meeting?

I got caught right back in the cycle again because I failed so many times to create some sort of backup plan for when the urges hit. In the beginning I HATED doing it and just indulged the urge because it was easier. But, as others have said, the more you force yourself to "do something else" the easier it becomes to make that choice again and again. It WILL become an intuitive choice eventually. You will make it without thinking.

Best thing for today is not to dwell. What's done is done. As far as financial insecurity, I know how very awful that feeling is too. My drinking took me to that brink and it was horrible. But, as Fandy said, make a plan or try to sort things out as best you can.

Like Impurrfect said, don't let this drug take you all the way down, Ricky, because it will. I know you know that.

YOU are stronger than any drug, any substance.

Sending you lots of love, good wishes, and thoughts of strength and serenity.

Let us know how you're doing as the day gets on.

Delilah1

Hi TrikyRiky,

I am sorry you are feeling anxious, I am starting out again as well, and just trying to focus on the present. Anxiety sucks, I deal with it as well. I am heading for a walk in a few minutes, hopefully that will clear my head!
Hang in there.

FeenixxRising

All I can say is don't use today. Worry about tomorrow when it arrives. But surely you can make it though one day, and if not one day, try 4 or 5 hours at a time.

trikyriky

I did not use today and heading for an NA meeting in 3 hours , really anxious to get there. I created more problems in a relationship. Sigh!

Everything else is on hold . Focus is on recovery. Nothing else is more important

wakko

This will be true when you have 20 years sober. I can never forget this even for a second

Dee74

As long as you get up one more time than you fall down you'll make it Riky

I hope this is your last 'fall down' tho - I find we get less and less of those at our age, man.

D

Sleepless3

It is day 26 for me, feeling good. Sleep is still not good. I have a doctors appointment on the 16th to get my trazodone changed to something else. I have been on it for 7 years so maybe it is just not working for me anymore.