Alittle Nervous...but here is my introduction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 30
Alittle Nervous...but here is my introduction
Hey everyone, I'm alittle nervous to be here, but from what I've read it seems like a very good environment. I am a 24 year old college student. I apologize if this is long, but here is my story:
I never really consumed alcohol until my girlfriend of four years ended our relationship. After a suicide attempt and being committed for three days, I returned home to my mothers house, who at the time was dating an individual who was very intimidating toward me. Around this time I was so stricken with depression that I turned to alcohol to self medicate, I was eighteen years old, and it was all I knew that numbed the pain I felt every second of every day. At this time I drank maybe once or twice a week and had little tolerance. This pattern continued for about a year.
A year later, I went off to college, where unfortunately was where my former significant other attended as well. I had some friends there, and joined a fraternity. Being around her made me drink slightly more, but usually only on the weekends at our fraternities parties. This pattern continued for the entire school year.
The 2010 school year started, and my friends and myself and unfortunately my former significant other transferred to another school nearby, and because she was in the same 'circle' as my friends I saw her, which added to my depression. Drinking habits remained the same. During the summer before the 2011 school year, She began dating someone, and that is when my alcoholism went into full effect, it because bad to the point where I would buy a 24 pack of beer and drink all through the night, I avoided class, and stayed in my room, this roughly continued until December, until which I cut back to roughly a twelve pack every other day until summertime.
Around this time, upset over my lack of progress in school, and my continued depression over my former significant other, and housing troubles, I Began to drink every day until December of 2012, the amount of alcohol varied. I started to feel tremors every morning, and began having a beer just to calm them down. I visited my family in florida, who began to notice my consumption, but I covered it up under the guise that I was on vacation and was just enjoying myself. I returned to my school a week later and the pattern continued. The next event brings us to the present. I went on vacation with my family who generiously offered to come pick me up at school. After vacation was over, they were supposed to drop me back off at school, but secretly I knew I didn't want to go back, I couldn't go back, because I would be in the same position.
Unfortunatly by this point I wasn't drinking to cure depression, I was drinking to keep my body out of withdrawal. After drinking all the beer in my moms house, she began to tell me I had a serious problem, which I consciously knew. one night I arrived back home after ironically not drinking. I began to feel very dizzy, couldn't process my thoughts, hot and cold flashes, I went to my mom (who is a nurse) for help. she said my heart rate was elevated, but to tell her if it got worse. About half an hour later I got sick to my stomach, and she decided we go to the ER.
At the ER I tried to play the story off as a reaction to my medication (I was taking Effexor, which I hadn't taken in three days, So I said it was withdrawal) which at the point my mom told the doctors how much I really drank. I was ashamed of myself, self medicating, then drinking to keep myself out of withdrawal. The doctor ran bloodwork and said my potassium and sodium levels were so dangerously low from drinking, that If I had not came into the ER that night, it was very likely I would have had a seizure in my sleep and died.
They admitted me to the hospital this past sunday, at which point I was on a constant supply of fluid and vitamins through IV. I returned home yesterday, with a prescription to control the tremors, and an alcohol free household. Alcohol has really set me back in life, and my drinking has scared me. I am afraid to go to anyone I know personally about this story because I will feel ashamed. I finally realize that I need help, but I fully want to overcome this addiction to alcohol. I have not had a drink since sunday, and I feel the withdrawal effects slowly starting to subside, yet the struggle is still present.
I am looking into AA meetings in my area, and I could use as much support as I can get with this. I am sorry if I took too much time, but I thank you so much for reading this.
- Calnius
I never really consumed alcohol until my girlfriend of four years ended our relationship. After a suicide attempt and being committed for three days, I returned home to my mothers house, who at the time was dating an individual who was very intimidating toward me. Around this time I was so stricken with depression that I turned to alcohol to self medicate, I was eighteen years old, and it was all I knew that numbed the pain I felt every second of every day. At this time I drank maybe once or twice a week and had little tolerance. This pattern continued for about a year.
A year later, I went off to college, where unfortunately was where my former significant other attended as well. I had some friends there, and joined a fraternity. Being around her made me drink slightly more, but usually only on the weekends at our fraternities parties. This pattern continued for the entire school year.
The 2010 school year started, and my friends and myself and unfortunately my former significant other transferred to another school nearby, and because she was in the same 'circle' as my friends I saw her, which added to my depression. Drinking habits remained the same. During the summer before the 2011 school year, She began dating someone, and that is when my alcoholism went into full effect, it because bad to the point where I would buy a 24 pack of beer and drink all through the night, I avoided class, and stayed in my room, this roughly continued until December, until which I cut back to roughly a twelve pack every other day until summertime.
Around this time, upset over my lack of progress in school, and my continued depression over my former significant other, and housing troubles, I Began to drink every day until December of 2012, the amount of alcohol varied. I started to feel tremors every morning, and began having a beer just to calm them down. I visited my family in florida, who began to notice my consumption, but I covered it up under the guise that I was on vacation and was just enjoying myself. I returned to my school a week later and the pattern continued. The next event brings us to the present. I went on vacation with my family who generiously offered to come pick me up at school. After vacation was over, they were supposed to drop me back off at school, but secretly I knew I didn't want to go back, I couldn't go back, because I would be in the same position.
Unfortunatly by this point I wasn't drinking to cure depression, I was drinking to keep my body out of withdrawal. After drinking all the beer in my moms house, she began to tell me I had a serious problem, which I consciously knew. one night I arrived back home after ironically not drinking. I began to feel very dizzy, couldn't process my thoughts, hot and cold flashes, I went to my mom (who is a nurse) for help. she said my heart rate was elevated, but to tell her if it got worse. About half an hour later I got sick to my stomach, and she decided we go to the ER.
At the ER I tried to play the story off as a reaction to my medication (I was taking Effexor, which I hadn't taken in three days, So I said it was withdrawal) which at the point my mom told the doctors how much I really drank. I was ashamed of myself, self medicating, then drinking to keep myself out of withdrawal. The doctor ran bloodwork and said my potassium and sodium levels were so dangerously low from drinking, that If I had not came into the ER that night, it was very likely I would have had a seizure in my sleep and died.
They admitted me to the hospital this past sunday, at which point I was on a constant supply of fluid and vitamins through IV. I returned home yesterday, with a prescription to control the tremors, and an alcohol free household. Alcohol has really set me back in life, and my drinking has scared me. I am afraid to go to anyone I know personally about this story because I will feel ashamed. I finally realize that I need help, but I fully want to overcome this addiction to alcohol. I have not had a drink since sunday, and I feel the withdrawal effects slowly starting to subside, yet the struggle is still present.
I am looking into AA meetings in my area, and I could use as much support as I can get with this. I am sorry if I took too much time, but I thank you so much for reading this.
- Calnius
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
to SR! Congrats on your sober time. You're likely thru the worst of the withdrawals and can now concentrate on your recovery. I hope you can find meetings in your area and that you can get face to face help there.You can always come here, any time of day or night.
We are an international community so there's always someone here. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 228
Welcome, Calinus!
I think you'll find many people here with stories like your's. It's a great group of supportive people. I started Sober Recovery almost a month ago so I'm new too, but it has made all the difference for me. You're lucky you caught this while you're young. So, pat yourself on the back for that. Read the forums...especially the "stickie" at the top of this forum called "Excerpts from Under the Influence." It's very "sobering" book that's available online in a Kindle format. Also, there is a video on YouTube called "Drugged: High on Alcohol" produced by National Geographic. It's quite life-changing.
I suffer from depression too as do many here. Thank you for sharing your story! You won't get judgement here just support. So feel free to open up if you feel so inclined.
I'm glad you're here.
I think you'll find many people here with stories like your's. It's a great group of supportive people. I started Sober Recovery almost a month ago so I'm new too, but it has made all the difference for me. You're lucky you caught this while you're young. So, pat yourself on the back for that. Read the forums...especially the "stickie" at the top of this forum called "Excerpts from Under the Influence." It's very "sobering" book that's available online in a Kindle format. Also, there is a video on YouTube called "Drugged: High on Alcohol" produced by National Geographic. It's quite life-changing.
I suffer from depression too as do many here. Thank you for sharing your story! You won't get judgement here just support. So feel free to open up if you feel so inclined.
I'm glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 61
Welcome to SR. I can relate to parts of your story, you're certainly not alone. If you ever have thoughts of drinking or fear a relapse, come here and post. I wish I had done that more myself. As has been said, you're lucky to catch and turn this around young -- and from your story, lucky to be alive. Stick around! Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 16
Welcome Calnius. You've made a great decision to seek help. Like you I also made a hospital trip about a year ago. After a heavy day and night of drinking my heart went into atrial fibrillation while at work the next day. My heart rate was over 200 beats/minute. I drove myself to the hospital and was immediately admitted. No one there could believe that I drove myself there given the state I was in. Long story short it took until that evening to get my heart back into normal rhythm. They almost had to use the paddles on me. I'm not trying to hijack your thread with my story. What I'm getting at is I stopped drinking after that happened out of fear...it lasted about 5 days. Looking back on that I can't believe I ever went back to drinking. It was a wake up call that I completely ignored. You however have found this place and have recognized your problem, good for you and good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome Calnius!
I think a lot of us are ashamed of what alcohol has done to us. But, try to not let the shame overwhelm you. You are here looking for support and that's the most important thing.
I think a lot of us are ashamed of what alcohol has done to us. But, try to not let the shame overwhelm you. You are here looking for support and that's the most important thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
I'm so glad you posted here at SR and were able to get all that out of your head.
Stick around, read, ask questions, read, share more, read, think about getting a plan of action, read...
We're here to listen and offer our experience.
Stick around, read, ask questions, read, share more, read, think about getting a plan of action, read...
We're here to listen and offer our experience.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm so happy to meet you Calnius. SR saved me when I felt all alone and desperate. It's a great place to unburden yourself by sharing your thoughts & feelings as you begin to heal. It helps relieve our anxiety when we have people on our side who really understand. Be proud of yourself for wanting a better life. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Long Beach, CA
Posts: 705
Hi Calnius..For Heavens sake, don't apologize for the length of your story! It's great that you've got so much insight into the causes of your alcoholism (although you were probably prone to alcoholism anyway, as are most of us at SR). I'm glad you found us, and I hope that you find some good advise here. I would definitely give AA a try. At the very least you will find the acceptance and encouragement there helpful.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Not angry just direct
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 257
Hey Calnius, welcome to SR.
Don't be sorry, be glad that you can communicate and tell a lot of yourself in one post. I'm a bit (ahem) verbose myself so it doesn't bother me when others are.
It'd be weird to say I enjoyed reading it, because I didn't, because it's a bit of a sad tale, but I'm glad you wrote it because I got a good linear feel for how you ended up where you are today and in that sense it was a good read.
I joined yesterday (I think) and in my welcome thread said I wouldn't be a prolific poster but I'm finding so many people worth replying to that I've ended up racking-up the post count already!
The general quality of advice and experience here is excellent in my view so do please continue to talk.
Cheers man,
Originally Posted by Calnius 
I am sorry if I took too much time, but I thank you so much for reading this.
It'd be weird to say I enjoyed reading it, because I didn't, because it's a bit of a sad tale, but I'm glad you wrote it because I got a good linear feel for how you ended up where you are today and in that sense it was a good read.
I joined yesterday (I think) and in my welcome thread said I wouldn't be a prolific poster but I'm finding so many people worth replying to that I've ended up racking-up the post count already!
The general quality of advice and experience here is excellent in my view so do please continue to talk.
Cheers man,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 30
Wow. I can't believe I've gotten so many positive posts in such a short time...You guys really are a supportive community. I really thank you guys for the support you have/will give me through this difficult but rewarding journey. I can only hope that I can give back to the community in the same way myself...this really made my night, you guys are great!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Welcome to SR!
This website, along with AA helped me get my life back, it can do the same for you.
You are young! You have a lifetime of sober years ahead of you. It takes some of us a couple of decades of denial to reach the point you are at.
This website, along with AA helped me get my life back, it can do the same for you.
You are young! You have a lifetime of sober years ahead of you. It takes some of us a couple of decades of denial to reach the point you are at.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chicagoland Il.
Posts: 103
Calnius,
I 've only sober for a brief time. One thing I realized right off the get-go, SR is group of genuinely caring & supportive people with a common goal.
Come back soon & often. I"m going to!
I 've only sober for a brief time. One thing I realized right off the get-go, SR is group of genuinely caring & supportive people with a common goal.
Come back soon & often. I"m going to!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Welcome! You have wisdom of an old soul and that will be an asset as you journey the road to recovery.
Shame is a wasted emotion at this point. You were sick, got medical attention and are diagnosed with the disease of alcoholism. You are not alone. There are millions of us all over the world as you will see here at SR.
This community can be of significant support in the middle of the night because we have peeps from every time zone logged in. We are all in this together.
Welcome again to the lifeboat. Grab an oar ... if we all row together we are bound to get somewhere. And the beauty is we take care of our own. When someone loses the strength to row we not only row harder but we help get you back in shape to keep going.
It's a beautiful place. You should be proud of yourself for fighting for your life. There are only three ways this story ends for all of us: sobriety and a healthy life, drinking and prison or drinking and dead. You chose wisely
Shame is a wasted emotion at this point. You were sick, got medical attention and are diagnosed with the disease of alcoholism. You are not alone. There are millions of us all over the world as you will see here at SR.
This community can be of significant support in the middle of the night because we have peeps from every time zone logged in. We are all in this together.
Welcome again to the lifeboat. Grab an oar ... if we all row together we are bound to get somewhere. And the beauty is we take care of our own. When someone loses the strength to row we not only row harder but we help get you back in shape to keep going.
It's a beautiful place. You should be proud of yourself for fighting for your life. There are only three ways this story ends for all of us: sobriety and a healthy life, drinking and prison or drinking and dead. You chose wisely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 30
The thing that scares me though is that one night or day when I have the opportunity to drink I will just give in. be it beer, liquor, mouthwash, etc. (for the record ive never drank mouthwash) It just scares me that I might get so desperate that id do anything. Maybe I'm just overthinking things guys?
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