Ptcapote

Hey sister, I hear you on the mixed feelings and there are some good posts here that give credence to the various ways of thinking of it and why. I am in AA which does, of course, place a pretty big emphasis on continuous sobriety time and picking up chips for such. I never picked up a chip until my sponsor basically made me because, to my mind, it was like getting an award for NOT being an a$$hole for another month, ya know?

Also, I am kind of rule and "get it right" oriented too and when I have a date to stick to, it does two things. It gives me some perspective about how far I've come and that helps me at least figure out some of the physical stuff (and mental stuff). However, it also terrifies me and if I relapse, I know it will make me feel like Loser Numero Uno...even though I know that's not true. Just how my little neurotic brain works.

So, yeah, I got nothing for you except that I count based on the first 24 hours sober and I guess if I relapsed I wouldn't feel like I had lost those days (how is that even possible given how much we learn in every attempt at sobriety?) but that I would indeed be starting at Day One in my own mental tracker to keep me accountable to myself. Otherwise I could very well see myself NOT being honest with myself.

Anyway, as others have said, don't stress about it. Do whatever keeps you sober one day at at time. Or forget days...whatever keeps you sober right NOW.

Hugs and lots of love to ya!

phoebe64

Well, by definition, sober means no drinking or drugs. A deliberate life without substance to alter our moods. So, if you want to count days, a sober date is pretty concrete. The day you first started being sober and those after.

I was once trying for sobriety and very fixated on th ecounting and found it made me fixate on drinking, or not rinking, and well, just made me so focused on alcohol, rather than life. However, once I got wishy washy on my days, I discovered it made it easier to rationalize my slips and I then found myself relapsed entirely.

So, for me, I am going to try to stick with the counting. I may reduce it from days to weeks to months, as I feel confident that I can do it in those bigger increments. But I now see how I may succeed more by keeping closer track of that.

For your original question, I see no reason why you cannot hold onto to both meaningful events. You have a date where you had a life changing experience that made you seek recovery. That has value. So can your sober date. They may not be the same, but both can be meaningful to you, and clearly they are. My opinion.

kadidee

I like this first message you were giving yourself, but I can understand where you're coming from. On some days counting dates makes me feel like I'm moving forward, but at other times I get too caught up in the math and overthink how many days will I be when it's X holiday, etc.

When I first decided to quit, I wasn't on SR, and I wasn't counting days. Reading and posting here made me much more aware of the counting part--it's all about perspective.

Maybe you could just give yourself a break from the numbers for now. You can always return to figuring out the days later.

Dee74

I reckon you're really overthinking this AO - my brain is hurting just from thinking about you thinking about this...

No matter who we are or what we believe or what method of recovery we aspire to - all any of us can do is stay sober today.

If you go to bed sober, that's a win.

If you wake up the next day and resolve to do the same again, no matter what the day throws at you, that's a win too.

if you can manage it, reducing things to their constituent parts for a few weeks might help?

D

IWillWin

Alpha - good food for thought and discussion.

For me, I choose to live a sober life. Have I not had a sip of alcohol for over a year? Well, no. My work requires me to wine and dine people and part of making them comfortable is to order a drink if they do so. It's a psychological tactic that most use in my profession.

That said, there have been some times when I've been at a meeting and ordered a drink for that reason. I don't drink it, I leave it on the table and put it to my lips once in a while but no one has ever called me out and said hey, your not really drinking. Turns out they don't care if I actually drink or not - it's the act of having it on the table that makes them feel comfortable enough to drink their own which is their main concern. I've left many a full drink on tables and gone to my room after to wash my lips and brush my teeth.

I guess my point is that yes, alcohol has touched my lips. I have had a baby sip here and there. But I'm sober and have remained that way since I decided to last year. Some would argue that because I order drinks and put them to my lips on occasion I should consider that a slip. I don't. And the only one that matters is me. I lay my head down at night sober and that is how I choose to live now. I consider my sobriety intact and will continue to do so. Yes, my work is not ideal for a recovering alcoholic but I've learned through recovery that I so have the strength to continue my career and be sober. Even if it means ordering a drink once in a while and faking it.

Just my experience and take what you need. I am sober for over a year and it is by my own definition. Those who feel differently don't matter. Only me.

BadCompany

Seriously, I had no idea my last drink would be my last, those days were very fuzzy, so I have my sobriety date nailed down to a certain week. When i got married, my wife's birthday fell in that week, so that is my sobriety date.

alphaomega

I am TOTALLY overthinking this. My head is bout to blow clear off my neck.

I just want to get it right. So bad.

And I keep failing.

foolsgold66

I'm consecutive, starting the day after I took my last drink. I think this is 29-30ish of those for me, lost track and don't obsess over it much. If not, I'd be on about 2950. I personally feel that is right for me as a way to 'mark' my progress, because most will agree that this is a progressive disease and I actually was a drunker, more irresponsible, etc after relapse than I was before I got sober the first time... So I REALLY started over...

But, I'm not a big date person anyway, I usually care not a whit for my 'birth date' either.

I guess if I have anything to offer to you personally in the way of advice, I would choose to ignore the recovery date business. Granted its important to realize you have a problem and begin work on it, if that's what recovery date means, but using the later date could resolve any lingering doubts you may ever have that using the earlier date is somehow 'cheating'.

Dee74

Counting days, like so many other things you'll hear about here, are meant to help.

If it's not helping you....if it's making you want to drink rather than not...don't do it

D

alphaomega

^^^

I have always wanted to know. Why is Squigward barfing on that emoticon called Dee ?

Dee74

I think it's shock, not barfing? lol

D

alphaomega

Ooohhhhhhh. Lol !!!

I always thought he was gagging.

I've looked a lot like the gagging green Squigward over my years on the hooch. I thought it was a reference to like "Gag me with a drama queen" thing.

There's me overthinking again.

Stepping away from the IPad now.....

Olive1

This is me. When I went into the hospital that morning, I thought I was just going to get some fluids and then go back home and try to cut back. After the two weeks in the hospital and three weeks in rehab I knew that I had to stay sober to save my life.
I counted days and each day was a miraculous victory.
I counted days for the first 9 months. Then I counted months. After about two years I counted years.
This is just me and my version of my recovery.
My sober time is precious to me. I know the day I got sober.

Like2Hike

This is an imteresting thread. Thanks, AO. Marking the days was an important motivator for me during the first few weeks. It helped a lot as confidence grew that I could really live without alcohol. Now, my goals are shifting away from alcohol and more towards other things I want to make of myself and for my family. Regardless of goals, the more distance I put between myself and my last day of drinking (1-Jan'13) the better my life is becoming.

I hope everyone here can find what works best for them.

longbeachone

C'mon Alpha, you're smarter than that! Not drinking means NOT DRINKING. Be it for a day, hour, minute or second. All of this quoting of when and where is beside the point. And what is the point? To stop allowing alcohol to pass into your body and make you act like a blithering idiot. You know this AO...stop getting bogged down in the minutiae of other people's ideas of what is or is not true sobriety.

RobbyRobot

Continuity in my sobriety is the only measurement that means anything to me when it comes down to dates. I really don't care how many actual years I have - I do care very much though that my years are unbroken - the reality that my last drink was thousands of unbroken days ago really rings all my bells and yet I still feel the count is just what it is in a math way. It is really that "unbroken experience" of waking up sober going to sleep sober waking up sober - awesome. For many years I was unable to keep sober from one day to the next and so I'm way grateful I can now keep sober.

In fact, the last time I officially celebrated my sober birthday was on my 5th year - every anniversary since has always been unofficial and very private and subdued. It's never been celebrated here on SR either, in any year, lol.

Its the continuous experience is the thing for me

ZeldaFan

For me, I go by my sobriety date. I would say my recovery date was May of 2011 when I realized I definitely had a problem. I stopped for awhile and slipped. Stopped again and then had a full blown relapse that lasted until August of this year. By the end of the month I was miserable, sick and quickly spiraling out of control.

Finally, on September 1 I had enough and took my last drink. I was tired of not having friends, never leaving the house, lying to my family and putting my job, and more importantly my health, at risk. For me, September 2, 2013 marks the beginning of my new life so it's a date I hold dear to me.

Nuudawn

My Recovery actually started before I put down the drink. I could say my recovery started this past January when I started with a therapist and found some much needed spiritual guidance OR I could say my recovery started about 15 years ago when I started reading self help books like some sort of maniac trying to figure out what the "eff" my problem was (almost all the while with a glass of wine in hand). I think I figured out the biggest part of my problem on June 3, 2013...my sobriety date. I could make no further progress with my therapist, with my sprituality or any freakin' self help book until I kept my wits about me without a freakin' glass (or trough) of wine in hand.

Renarde

That's silly! You're not "back to nothing." You know you've made life-changing progress. Use whatever date you want. Aren't dates just goals that motivate you to do better and then give you more momentum and reward when you've racked some up? Use whichever one makes you feel positive about your recovery and stick with it and tell your therapist to move on. It's not about dates, it's about what you do today and tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure you did the right thing today!

Renarde

The other thing is, recovery is fluid. Recovery isn't all or nothing. This isn't my first go-round with addiction. I struggled with a different, very severe addiction (addictionS, actually) for over a decade. I came to grips with my addictions and mental illness and worked on healing and the changes I made were huge and I became a better person, stable, functional, with more self-respect and confidence, and a different person. However, here I am again, now fighting another issue. Does that mean all the other stuff didn't count? I am starting to feel completely reborn and like I'm becoming my best self. When did my recovery/healing/sobriety start? Was it ten years ago, when I really started trying to fight my life-threatening problems? Or was it 30 days ago when I decided to be more honest, quit drinking after no major catastrophes, and really live an authentic life for the first time? Should I discount the many years it took me to drop the other problems because I'm finally at a really profound place of healing that's going to bring me into a place where I'm finally a whole person? I don't think so. All of this defining exactly when is self-defeating IMO if it makes you feel like giving up. Becoming a healthy person happens on a continuum.