mytimeforchange

Hello, I dropped out of rehab. I went to rehab because i knew i was not performing well at work, and was scheduled for a "talk" with the boss. I knew what was coming. So I took a leave to do so- address my issue. But my addiction, was not going to have it! It talked me right out of it. maybe i only thought i was ready? I went home. I spent the last 5 or so days drinking straight. With the exception of today. My body just could not carry on anymore.....mentally and physically. This is the first time i really just "broke"....

I know I need a support system. Joining you here was my first step. I am here to stay. I did not know how hard day 1 would be. One day, i help others like you are helping me. This too shall pass. Thank you so very much helping thru this day. I feel a little less lonely having each of you.

ryan

FeenixxRising

Have you considered AA Ryan? How about SMART Recovery? I see there are meetings for both in Fresno. It sounds like you need some type of program.

And keep posting here, you will find a lot of support. And whatever you do, don't give up, if you fall down, pick yourself up and start again. Many members here were once in the same place you are now, and they have recovered and rebuilt their lives--you can do the same.

mytimeforchange

Yes, I have been through the halls of AA many times. I will look into the SMART program online too...thank you! And thank you for seeking my resources here in Fresno for me. How kind.

ryan

soberhawk

Stay strong Ryan,

I am 11 hours adhead of you, so it is time for bed here.

13unluckyforsom

Hi - get through day one - you want this and you can do it. You have to when you get to this stage. Please stick around - your nowhere near as alone as you think. These guys here are great and we will help you as much as we can. I know this because I was you 5weeks ago.

mytimeforchange

I will stay strong. I am here with you. I want to help others too someday. All I can do right now is not drink. Gosh i wish i felt half normal? Heck, what is normal? I can only sit here and just wait this part out- the depression, etc. I been drinking lots of water and taking vitamins. I read about detoxing at home. I have no else to turn too at the moment. I know there are dangers. Right know I am focused on today and being here with you!


ryan

13unluckyforsom

Just focus on you for now you are the important one. Would it be an option for you to get medical help or even simply an opinion on your detox?

Your doing well, keep hydrated and try and eat something too - you can do this. You ARE doing it

13unluckyforsom

Ps... Normal is over rated

mytimeforchange

Hi 13unluckyforsom!

If i had to i guess i could tell my neighbor if i needed medical attention. right now, the depression is really tough. I have a little shakiness and insomnia. Definitely not clear headed for sure. i am just hanging out with you guys for the moment. Part of me is a little embarrassed, but i knew no where else to turn but here. I am desperate but determined. This is me reaching out for the first time..

ryan

losteverything

Ryan, sorry you are here, but Welcome. I know the devastation you feel, having lost your wife and kids, but drinking will not solve that... you can gain things back again though by maintaining sobriety. You never know what the future can hold, but you know where continued active alcoholism takes you, so give yourself time to heal, time to clear your head, eat healthy and exercise and try not to wallow in self pity..know that a brighter future lies ahead..

digdug

Hi Ryan - if the withdrawal starts to get bad, please seek medical attention.

And keep posting here so we know you're doing alright

mytimeforchange

i will digdug. thank you.

ryan

mytimeforchange

I want to again thank you ALL for sticking by me thru this time. This past 12-18hrs has been the most difficult. You make me feel less alone. Give me hope. I feel somewhat a little better. But honestly, i think all the sobbing i have done today has kinda made me feel a little disoriented..i am staying here. This is not a "help me recover from a hangover" post. I want others to read my story. I want to share my experience. I hope i can inspire others. sometimes, i feel all i have left is honesty. If i must start this journey with only honestly, so be it! Let's do this.

ryan

advbike

Hang in there Ryan. Do you have food in the house? Start with the basics. do your best to make it through day one. Worry about day two tomorrow. Eat lots of healthy food if you can. You've got great weather all week - maybe take a walk or short run. I used to live in Sacto and love that Central Valley weather. Anyway, hang in there. We've all been down that road. You can do it, one day at a time.

mytimeforchange

Thank you advbike. I have limited food. I do have milk. I am trying my best to take care of myself. It starts here!

RevivingOphelia

Thinking of you, Ryan. You can do this. Your life will be SO much better for it.

mytimeforchange

Thank you soooo much. I cant believe this much support was avail to me?

mytimeforchange

I have several private messages from members to keep you updated on my withdrawal stage for day 1. You are sincere. This has been the toughest day of my life. And perhaps the best as I will reflect. I never ever want to go thru this feeling again.

My motor skills are a bit off. hard to type/think/sleep. I did go get medical attention. Some medication and special vitamins. They said give it a few days and every passing hour the better I will feel. I found the anxiety/depression too much for me to handle so i went to clinic. I barely made it there. I don't know how many times I had to stop driving because of panic attacks paralyzing me. But I made it. This is something you don't want to do alone. I almost called emergency help when parked. I honestly thought I was going to die. I want to LIVE. I can use a nap. I maybe sick right now (temp withdrawals), but I am sober and I am here with you. I thought i could do this alone...was I wrong...i will keep you posted. I am at home detoxing....next will be cleaning all the empty bottles and finding a support group. But for now SR is my best friend.

P.S. please don't take this as medical advise. This is just my journey.

ryan

Alysheba

Hang in there. We are with you. You're so brave.

digdug

So glad you went to the clinic. Do not hesitate to go to the ER or call for emergency help if you need it. They are used to it and trained to help you.

And please, try not to drive!

Pulling for you, Ryan.