Alphabet

There's a lot of bad blood, imperfect. I'd love nothing more than to correct it before time runs out.

ImperfectlyMe

Why not sit down and write him whst you could say to him if you could. Here's an opportunity to get out every feeling wrong doing with out being interrupted challenged or ashamed. If you choose to send it so be it. But just writing it may free you a little. There's a sad girl in there

SoberChristy

I would read your book, Alpha :-) I hope things simmer down.

Renarde

I'm sorry about what he said to you. Sending you a big E-hug.

susasober1

This is a great idea...I know from my own personal experience this has worked for me. A handwritten note is hard to ignore and always has a genuine ring of sincerity to it. Writing things down manually is good therapy as well, though you'd want to keep it simple first time around...Lots of well wishes and good luck.

Threshold

Wow, I am so sorry. BIG (((((hugs)))))

joyousone

Wow your post struck a chord with me! My mother once said to me that as far as she was concerned I w as not her "daughter" anymore. Jeez that hurt but at the time I was heavy into my alcoholism doing and saying crazy things. I thought the world revolved around me and my problem. Didn't they know what I was going thru? Yes it was awful for me but it wasn't until years later that I realized what I must have been putting my family thru. Today things are so much better with my family. I think this disease makes everyone around us a little crazy sometimes.

Twofish

Hi Alaphabet, As a mom or 2 AD girls, sometimes frustration takes over, we don't think before we speak. I hope I never come to the point of saying that to my children. Try to let it go and not keep thinking about it, it just will make the emotion stronger. Forgive, that's the easy part, to forget it will take a very long and painful road to recover from. You always have our number, we would never tell you to forget it. Gentle hugs, you are fragile, we are here, keep posting!! TF

Alphabet

Thank you, all of you, especially parents who can shed light on what it's like from their perspective. I haven't talked to him today, but I did talk with my foster mom (I'm adopted, but reconnected with my dad) and had a decent talk with her. I'm going to leave him alone for now, he's got enough on his plate, but plan on contacting him again when I'm better.

I don't know what I'd do without you all <3

longbeachone

From Richard Bach's' amazing and wonderful book "Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah"...

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof".

I'm so sorry that your father disappointed you. His loss, Alphabet. You are a unique and wonderful soul, and you will find that the members of your true family will see this, and love you for it. Love him as much as you can, and leave it at that. I don't know what kind of faith you have, but I believe with all my heart that you were created as a perfect child of God, who loves you absolutely. You can never disappoint him, and he will always be there when you want to talk to him.

Alphabet

Update:

After giving him a bit of time, we're on speaking terms again, though it's strained. I know he's exhausted, and taking care of my disabled sister certainly doesn't make anything easier for him. I can appreciate his frustration and am glad he's going to AlAnon. Of course I need to get sober for me, but if I can start to regain his trust by getting and staying sober, that'll be one less thing on his plate.

Malachi

Sending you hugs and good thoughts Alphabet

ImperfectlyMe

I'm soo soo thrilled the wall is coming down! Keep working on you and all relationships in your life will heal

LillianGish

Alphabet,
Amazing things can happen when we can get sober and get our lives together. Aside from the issues with your father, I really hope this is your time.

I have two adopted children - and do NOT let anyone make you feel lowly because you are adopted. That's on you not to listen to that voice (the other AV - adoption voice). I hope your dad comes around.

Big hug...I'm rooting for you.

Nighthawk8820

We cant choose our family, but we can choose who we surround ourselves with in sobriety and in our new lives. Maybe you can mend things with your father down the road, maybe not. Dont let it be a deciding factor on staying sober and keeping on a good path. Things happen, life happens...........you can overcome this.

digdug

I just wanted to say thank you, Alphabet.

Your post just inspired me to call my dad. I haven't talked to him since I went to rehab 6 months ago. Most of the time I hate his guts, but he deserves to know I am still alive.

It was a really hard call to make, but you helped me through it.

Thank you so much.

Alphabet

I'm so happy to hear that digdug, and truly I'm honored I could inspire you. We can get through this

SweatyHands

I know that every situation is unique and this may be of no help, but I told some people whose friendships I abused while I was drinking that I knew there was no magic way to fix everything but that just hearing the words "I love you" once in a while sometimes was all it took for me to find the extra strength I needed to keep fighting. Regardless of what happens, you know you're trying to be healthy and sober and that is what's most important.