soberjim

I am sorry to read your recent post....I will say that there is a great deal of support on this thread for you....Lots of folks here concerned and offering support...me included...
Be kind to yourself as you move forward....

Jim

ScottFromWI

It takes time. We hear that all the time, so much that it seems cliche after a while - but it's absolutely true. Think of all the bad things we do to those around us when we are drinking - both physical and mental. Just as it's extremely difficult for us to just stop drinking, it's difficult for our family and friends to just somehow flip a switch and be 100% positive and supportive right away.

The best thing we can do in the meantime is work on staying sober. That, and only that will prove to those around us that we mean business and want to take control of this thing.

I hope you have a good meeting today and certainly stay here with us too.

Nuudawn

Aw hon...first person I talked to the day I sobered up was my mom. I could see the pain and fear in her eyes (but in all honesty it felt a little like judgement and shame to me at that time). I knew she wasn't putting a whole lot of faith in my word. I gotta say I was pretty worried about my own faith at the time...but I do know my conviction was leaning into the "I can do this". Perhaps, it was simply my own shame and judgement being reflected in her eyes. I know I "got over" shame pretty quick as it is a useless and debilitating mechanism that feeds addiction rather than recovery. Guilt says "I did something bad"....shame says "I am bad". You are not bad.

My mom's fear and doubt probably lent something to my motivation. I sat down and drew up my list of "go to"'s when facing the urges to drink.

Day one was a scary and emotional day for me. You are going to be just fine TM. I really get that energy from you this time...really do.

Caravagio

Hi Toomutch,

What would you say to a friend? That might sound corny but I don't think you would say 'you should be ashamed...you are awful...you are an embarassment'...

A friend of mine, who has been sober for about 15 years, fell off the wagon in grand style a couple of weeks ago. Attending an awards ceremony, at which he was honoured, he proceeded, after the ceremony to insult practically everybody he came into contact with. One lady he made anti Semitic remarks to reported him to the police and his face was plastered across front pages the next day. His award, by the way, was for Outstanding Contibution to his Community which he has worked diligently for for over 30 years. He had to give the award back and has stepped down from his own company. I saw him quite soon after that and he was very clear and with great humour said...'...and that is why I don't drink anymore'. He saw it as a reaffirmation of his recovery process. He felt crappy but could separate himself from his drunken self...and the two are not the same. Also, rather wonderfully, his friends, family and all those that love him knew this too. They remembered how long he'd been sober for and forgave him that one, silly night.

I tell you this in the hope that you will be kind to yourself and accept your family's gestures of love and support. They know this isn't everything you are.

Keep well and check in with SR regularly. It really works for me and I hope I can manage 5 years like you as I'm struggling with 5 days at the moment xxx

foolsgold66

The most important part, taking responsibility for calling family members back, you did. It will take a while to feel less shameful and depressed but if you stay sober it will happen. Try thinking about some good things from that 5 years sober. You can have that back if you keep the plug in the jug.

EndGameNYC

Hey Nuudawn.

It's difficult to tell whether or not or to what extent you may have intended your comment to be funny, but that's because you mix humor and serious thought very well.

But I did laugh at the above part of your comment, and the comments leading up to it.

In two of my inevitably failed relationships while I was drinking, each of the two women entered the "relationship protection program," having moved to faraway places on the globe shortly after virtually slamming the door in my face. In two other cases, they seemed to have fallen off the face of the Earth.

I don't necessarily interpret this as cause-and-effect, but it does make me wonder.

foolsgold66

Oh, she was serious about that, her ridiculous self-pitying rationalization. It was still awfully funny.