Progress
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Progress
Early on in my still early sobriety (2-3 weeks in maybe) I had an incident at work that insulted and offended me. No need to get into much detail other than to say I was upset by the actions of a customer. It gnawed at me for the remainder of the evening in question. It continued to gnaw at me all through the next day. I couldn't shake it. I may even have posted about it here.
The gnawing wore at me. It troubled me so much it threatened my sobriety. The following evening when still troubled I thought "geez louise" if I was still drinking this would not still be in my brain! I would be over it...it would be long forgotten by now. Is this sobriety? Is this why I drank cuz I can't get over petty sh*t? If this continues, I don't think I'll stay sober.
Fast forward to yesterday. I live in a gated community. Yesterday I was at a stop sign and a vehicle (fellow resident in the gated community) stopped alongside me. Apparently he was in a rage about an incident where I blew a stop sign (I remember the incident..I was distracted and he witnessed it). At the time of the incident there was no traffic nor pedestrians. No one was in danger and there was no near tragedy.
He yelled at me about my awful driving and spewing profanity. Accused me of texting while I drive (I never do this). He also accused me of near hitting him when he was taking a corner once. This was just BS. This was an older man and I could believe that he used "f" words in his angry diatribe. Call me old fashioned but I honestly didn't think men (of his age I guess) used that kind of language in the presence of strangers..especially women.
Anyways, I defended myself (without profanity)..said "good day sir!"..and drove off.
Suffice it to say I was suddenly overwhelmed with anger and emotion of my own. What came to mind? A drink of course! It was fleeting but I was overwhelmed with anger for a good whole HALF HOUR. I finally shook it off and went about my day. I was reminded it off again when a neighbor came over to "warn" me of this man's rampage. I advised him he was a little late. The neighbor confirmed the guy has "anger management issues'.
In that conversation I was also advised the man is a "recovering alcoholic". Been sober a couple years.
One had to wonder how much "recovery" he has actually done. My mistakes were unintentional. His verbal assault was intentional..and premeditated.
The point of this story? I was happy to realize his much worse actions than the incident in my sobriety a few weeks in..were shaken off in a relatively short time span.
I'm getting better : )
The gnawing wore at me. It troubled me so much it threatened my sobriety. The following evening when still troubled I thought "geez louise" if I was still drinking this would not still be in my brain! I would be over it...it would be long forgotten by now. Is this sobriety? Is this why I drank cuz I can't get over petty sh*t? If this continues, I don't think I'll stay sober.
Fast forward to yesterday. I live in a gated community. Yesterday I was at a stop sign and a vehicle (fellow resident in the gated community) stopped alongside me. Apparently he was in a rage about an incident where I blew a stop sign (I remember the incident..I was distracted and he witnessed it). At the time of the incident there was no traffic nor pedestrians. No one was in danger and there was no near tragedy.
He yelled at me about my awful driving and spewing profanity. Accused me of texting while I drive (I never do this). He also accused me of near hitting him when he was taking a corner once. This was just BS. This was an older man and I could believe that he used "f" words in his angry diatribe. Call me old fashioned but I honestly didn't think men (of his age I guess) used that kind of language in the presence of strangers..especially women.
Anyways, I defended myself (without profanity)..said "good day sir!"..and drove off.
Suffice it to say I was suddenly overwhelmed with anger and emotion of my own. What came to mind? A drink of course! It was fleeting but I was overwhelmed with anger for a good whole HALF HOUR. I finally shook it off and went about my day. I was reminded it off again when a neighbor came over to "warn" me of this man's rampage. I advised him he was a little late. The neighbor confirmed the guy has "anger management issues'.
In that conversation I was also advised the man is a "recovering alcoholic". Been sober a couple years.
One had to wonder how much "recovery" he has actually done. My mistakes were unintentional. His verbal assault was intentional..and premeditated.
The point of this story? I was happy to realize his much worse actions than the incident in my sobriety a few weeks in..were shaken off in a relatively short time span.
I'm getting better : )
Faith and reason
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: London
Posts: 941
Hey, well done Nuu. That really is progress. I have a couple of months and I too feel like I'm making progress. On Friday I was threatened with eviction. In my early sobriety, I may not have picked up a drink over it but I would have sure as heck acted out in some other way -- binge eating, smoking cigarettes, whatever - anything but deal with the situation. But this time I showed up and started taking action and now the situation looks a lot better. 
Yeah, that guy doesn't sound very emotionally sober. Sorry you had to go through that. I read a post on here a while ago that said "keep your side of the street clean and let stupid people be stupid." It sounds like you're learning to do just that!
Yeah, that guy doesn't sound very emotionally sober. Sorry you had to go through that. I read a post on here a while ago that said "keep your side of the street clean and let stupid people be stupid." It sounds like you're learning to do just that!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
"geez Louise" ..the irony of you being the first response is not lost on me : )
And good on you too! How wonderful to be able to take productive action and likely fix your rental situation rather than wallow in alcoholic self pity...hiding..and doing nothing to remedy your situation!
And good on you too! How wonderful to be able to take productive action and likely fix your rental situation rather than wallow in alcoholic self pity...hiding..and doing nothing to remedy your situation!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
That's good,you are indeed making progress
For me,I realized ALL my relapses were due to resentments,one of which was anger at others. Others in include fear,envy, hatred but they are all resentments.
The main one was always anger though,anger at others, what they'd done or said or not done. I had imaginary,incessant conversations in my head of what I wish I'd said,should have said,would say next time.
I posted a thread on here about it last year. the advice I was given was to accept and forgive the person who had angered me.Bizarre I thought. but it worked. acceptance and moving on were key for me. It takes practice but it works. Holding onto anger destroys only me
The WFS statement- negative thoughts destroy/damage only myself rings true in this situation. Plus "I am what I think"
You're doing great
For me,I realized ALL my relapses were due to resentments,one of which was anger at others. Others in include fear,envy, hatred but they are all resentments.
The main one was always anger though,anger at others, what they'd done or said or not done. I had imaginary,incessant conversations in my head of what I wish I'd said,should have said,would say next time.
I posted a thread on here about it last year. the advice I was given was to accept and forgive the person who had angered me.Bizarre I thought. but it worked. acceptance and moving on were key for me. It takes practice but it works. Holding onto anger destroys only me
The WFS statement- negative thoughts destroy/damage only myself rings true in this situation. Plus "I am what I think"
You're doing great
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 163
Morning Nuudawn,
Thank you for the post, I had a similar experience just last Saturday, involving a neighbour over something stupid (the gravel being disrupted on our shared driveway)!!! insane I know but I found as you have said that it upset me and I couldn't shake it all evening, up until then I felt I was doing quite well (I'm just a month sober), and to be honest it shocked me how such a silly thing could so effect how I was feeling and my thoughts. It gnawed away at me just as you've described.
I know in the past I would have just had a drink, ranted a bit about the neighbour then would have forgotten the whole episode.
It's been playing on my mind since because if the "petty s**t' is going to continue to have this effect on me I don't know how I could cope in the long term.
I'm glad that it seems from your post that this will pass and a bit further along the path of recovery such incidences will indeed be able to be shaken off more quickly. I am just trying not to get agitated or angry over anything at the moment and to avoid any confrontational situations, because that could be all it takes for a slip, obviously this is unrealistic for the long term because life just isn't like that, so I also need to find a way of coping with the crap without the alcohol crutch that I have been using in the past.
And as they say time is a great healer -
Thanks again Nuudawn this post has helped me a great deal
Have a lovely day Vicki
Thank you for the post, I had a similar experience just last Saturday, involving a neighbour over something stupid (the gravel being disrupted on our shared driveway)!!! insane I know but I found as you have said that it upset me and I couldn't shake it all evening, up until then I felt I was doing quite well (I'm just a month sober), and to be honest it shocked me how such a silly thing could so effect how I was feeling and my thoughts. It gnawed away at me just as you've described.
I know in the past I would have just had a drink, ranted a bit about the neighbour then would have forgotten the whole episode.
It's been playing on my mind since because if the "petty s**t' is going to continue to have this effect on me I don't know how I could cope in the long term.
I'm glad that it seems from your post that this will pass and a bit further along the path of recovery such incidences will indeed be able to be shaken off more quickly. I am just trying not to get agitated or angry over anything at the moment and to avoid any confrontational situations, because that could be all it takes for a slip, obviously this is unrealistic for the long term because life just isn't like that, so I also need to find a way of coping with the crap without the alcohol crutch that I have been using in the past.
And as they say time is a great healer -
Thanks again Nuudawn this post has helped me a great deal
Have a lovely day Vicki
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Nuu. I am sorry that you are dealing with people yelling at you on the street. It does sound like he had an unleashing that may have not been all that necessary. I am glad that you moved through the emotions and stayed sober. Keep on moving forward NuuDawn.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Hello NuuDawn -- Always remember
1. You did not cause this guy to be an a**hole.
2. You cannot control him being an a**hole.
3. You cannot cure him of being an a**hole.
Good job on maintain your cool!
1. You did not cause this guy to be an a**hole.
2. You cannot control him being an a**hole.
3. You cannot cure him of being an a**hole.
Good job on maintain your cool!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
I love that. However if next time you have the urge to just run the old git over, don't be too hard on yourself
Nuudawn, I love to hear about your progress! And you are a lady!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Nuudawn - I'm sorry you had an encounter with that horrible person. Even sober, I'm hypersensitive and things like that really throw me. Drinking only made it 10 times worse of course.
You are indeed getting better, healing, and growing. Thank you for sharing the good news.
You are indeed getting better, healing, and growing. Thank you for sharing the good news.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Good going Nuudawn! Those things that irritate you become mere "meh"s the further in you get.
That's not to say that there's not that occasional dose of anger, it's just easier to handle!
That's not to say that there's not that occasional dose of anger, it's just easier to handle!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
Kudos to you Nuu! I almost relapsed a couple weeks ago because I experienced the emotion "anger" for the first time sober. It's a very strong emotion and a person feels like they are losing control. Hopefully, in the future, I will deal with this emotion (should it occur again) more appropriately.
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