AugustWest11

Started a new thread before I go to bed b\c I WANT THIS ..& I need to be sober. I am going to go to breakfast face those "demons" & candidly ask her if she knows of any treatment places (she is a RN & social worker) then will listen & see what the "meeting" is about..

Facing this seems to be the best way to get moving forward.. I will need all of the strength I can muster to avoid the same thing as today. But there is a worker coming tomorrow. So I can not rightfully get zonked. But it is these excuses I need to stop. I must not drink, b\c I want to be\stay SOBER for me.

Sorry to start another thread & all; but I felt this would help me focus on what I need to do. So in a half hour when I go to sleep I know this post will be a reminder for what has to be done.

Thanx SR you guys are great & I should have came here before I even put my boots on..

AW

Nuudawn

I'm sorry to hear you're on Day 1 again August. Been away from the boards today. Glad to see you are still here thought...fighting the good fight.

AugustWest11

Thanx Nuudawn; that's my problem, I was away from the boards when I should have been here :p I am gonna keep fighting; I just need to restructure some things & thought patterns I think ..

AW

Nuudawn

I'm very much of the belief that alcoholism (addiction of any sort) is a dis-ease of the mind. So ya...we need a whole lot of restructuring of our lives and thought patterns. We need to sort through those negative thoughts and learn to be kinder to ourselves. We need to learn to reflect on our behaviours and find new solutions. We have to know that when we decide to sober we are gonna to get a helluva push back from our own bloody minds. It's a helluva thing ya know...our mind has been hijacked by addiction yet we need to rely on that strong part of our mind to lead us back to sanity.

RecoveryAttempt

AW - Good luck
And thanks for the support you've given me....

You have the fight in you and will make it through!

Let us know how it goes tomorrow!

AugustWest11

Thanx .. First place I am gonna go after our "heart to heart" is here lol cause if I don't I know where it would probably lead; and that my friend is a dark road I am avoiding as hard as possible .. Just remember we had slips; it isn't the end of the world .. Stay Strong ..
Night All

AW

MidnightBlue

Hi, August.

I think it's a good idea to start a new thread for a new day. No sorry necessary)

Fear is illusion, fog - walk through it, and you'll find yourself at better place)

Demons are paper tigers, they are not real until we believe they are.

SR is absolutely great) Maybe, put a note into your boots that says "LOG ON SR FIRST!")

Keep your chin up and stop "plotting and programming" yourself for failure. Doesn't help.

Take care.

Louise82

I'm glad you posted AW and I'm glad you want this. I think that really comes across in your posts. Asking about treatment places sounds like a good idea. Take all the help you can get. It's great that you're focusing on what you need to do. SR is always here for you.

AugustWest11

Thanx Mb; great idea about the boots I do want this Louise; I been in a "haze" far too long and am ready to walk out and grow up .. Years of this are finally catching up to me though and have put me in an awkward position .. But as I said BOTH My Ex. as well as her Mom are helping me as much as they can to keep me safe .. My ex. may not be as supportive as one would hope; But she is in a sticky situation as well .. Her letting me live here and plod on through all this; is help and Support you can not even measure .. So I don't wanna put her in any bad light by saying she isn't as supportive ..

AW

Mark75

Glad you are posting, I think we all have a chance to recover if we just keep coming back.

We have to surrender all of the conditional stuff that we accrue, though... I had to go to rehab and I can tell you I had lots of reasons why I couldn't go. But ultimately, I just had to surrender to the particular process and pathway that was made available to me.

Is your situation "awkward" enough for you to finally throw in the towel... quit drinking, go to a meeting, read the book, all that... or do you have more "outs"?

Many of us don't quit drinking and drugging just because we wanted to.

lorelei

hey aw, keep fighting for your sobriety xx

LillianGish

AW - just remember that as long as you don't drink, everything else is manageable. Everything can get better...every little and big challenge.

AugustWest11

My situation is not too awkward for me to go to a meeting or the read "the book" but I am not AA; not now not ever .. Sorry but it won't happen .. Besides my hatred to groups of people and such; I have a severe distaste for AA I am sorry to say that; but everyone keeps pushing towards AA and that is not nor ever will be me ..

I am not so put out from the idea of group meetings; as I am in AA in general .. I would love a situation I could attend a non pay meeting NOT AA affiliated .. I am looking into that as for now I am white knuckling it; which we know will not work forever

Mark75

Wishing you well, AA is always there if you ever want it. THere is AVRT which is effective for many, it also involves a surrender of sorts, perhaps you can give it a try. I don't know of any meetings though.

Do something different, August, Don't end up down on the wharf.

ZoeM

Yeah SR guys are great - get over yourself - either wanna quit or don't.

lorelei

hey aw,
would you be better in a one on one session with a counsellor or something or even online counselling , I don't like group's of people, well not when I'm sober! lol..

SoberChristy

Me too :-(

ZoeM

Nuudawn - I love u so much - you are my kinda woman (and I[m straight)

ScottFromWI

I am not in AA either AW, but I still find value in reading the big book. It has a lot of good general information about alcoholism itself. You are doing yourself a disservice by summarily rejecting it, especially when it's something you could do in the comfort of your own home, free, via the web.

You also mentioned you'd love to try some face to face meeting that are not AA oriented. Smart recovery has several in the Boston area, here is a link to locations and times

SMART Recovery® - Meetings

Keep in mind there are many, many recovery methods. Many have live online meetings too which are completely anonymous. You don't have to white-knuckle it when there are so many resources for help literally at your fingertips. You just have to take the initiative to try them out.

Coldfusion

I hope your breakfast went well! AW, I spend a lot of time at SR even if I don't comment that much. In your case, I have followed your threads but usually it seems I have nothing new to add.

But I have made the following suggestion to other members before, and they have been grateful because it is really something they did not consider. Have you looked into Narcotics Anonymous at all? Alcohol is considered a drug. Unlike AA, the literature is constantly updated to keep up with the times. Also, for a variety of reasons, the people at NA meetings can be very different from those at AA meetings (although I have heard of meetings where many participants are court-ordered and high...).

There is evidence that addictions originate in the same part of the brain that evolved to facilitate our existence as social animals, and thus a social setting offers the best therapy. My wife and I are sober over ten months now; we did ninety meetings in ninety days and I still go once or twice a week but she doesn't seem to need meetings now.

I wish you all the best.