Maribell

So ive been sober since Saturday,,made it through the weekend and days off. I cant tell you how many times i though about having a drink,, but i didnt. I made myself a promise that i would go get help today. I have made this promise many times but have never followed through.

Today i did ,, i am set up with a lovely addictions counsellor ,who has been down the same road. Before i even sat down the tears started to flow. Every horrible think that i have done because of drinking came out. I have not shared this with anyone, but it felt good to get it out, like a release. If there is one thing i learned from today , is that i need to help myself, and put myself first and foremost before anybody. ( im so worried about my 15 year old, mimicing my behaviour) this worries and sickens me so. Again she said i have to get well , before i can worry and help him. I know that he will need counselling as well at some point.

I have a list of meeting in my community,, we have one place that runs three per day. There are also groups two times a day at the addiction center. All from preventing relapse to co dependancy. I will meet with my counsellor once a week, i have so many resources , and for this i am thankful.

I went out today to the library and got the book Gentle Path through the 12 steps. I have been in denial about AA saying its not for me, but i truly believe it is the only way as i need that support, sponsor , someone to talk to .

Im terrified of relapse but as my counsellor said, if i fall off the horse , are you going to lay there and get trampled, or get back up .

For the first time in a long time, i have hope. And im thankful for all of you guys, you made me realise that i cannot do this on my own. Moving forward finally.

jaynie04

Good luck Maribell.....you sound like you have tapped into something very special and deep, I am not far ahead of you but I promise it gets easier and better.

soberhawk

It sound like good decisions Maribell.

It can be done.

I wish you strength and good luck.

least

I'm glad you're getting active in your recovery. It takes a lot of effort but the end results are so worth it.

DayTrader

I found the program (the steps) of AA changed my life when I worked through all of them.....and it took me a couple runs through them to "get it" ....probably because I cut corners my first couple times and mostly did things my way rather than following the directions.

I remember being where you are now.....that was a tough time. Putting down my sword and shield and asking for help was a doosie. It was a necessary beginning though......cuz I sure as heck wouldn't have prescribed for myself what I ended up doing and it's what I did that made all the difference.

Mentium

Good luck Maribell. For what it is worth I was a long term AA sceptic, but I decided that in this neck of the woods it was the only game in town and I need live peer support, so..

I don't regret it - far from it. The two main groups I go to (4 meetings a week) don't push 'god', which was my main concern as an atheist. What is more I am making sober friends and have been invited to join a walking group (based in the Lake District in the UK where I live) and have also met socially for a coffee with a couple of new friends from there. For the first time in literally decades I am hopeful I may have cracked the slavery that has been my alcohol addiction.


All the best and don't be too nervous about AA. Everyone there has been through what you are going through after all!

wakko

congratulations on your decision stop drinking it sounds like you made some very wise choices. you didn't get sick in a day and you're not going to get better in a day but do what you can do today to make sure that you do not pick up that first drink. AA saved my life and is highly recommended