DisplacedGRITS

if i go to bed, he will want me. i am so afraid. i am so tired. he just wants what he wants. i want more. i don't know. i feel so, i dunno, uninterested for a long time. i have a goal right now. he just wants "it...." i don't. i feel like i've got a goal that he doesn't share. i really don't know what to do. i can fake it and pretend we're both on track...or i can shut him out and make it clear that we're not meeting eye to eye. i dunno. there are so many variables. i'm just so tired. i don't think that he'll ever be ready and my heart is breaking.

he says he wants a child....there are so many variables to be met. will i ever be worthy? my heart is so heavy tonight.

DisplacedGRITS

i will never be good enough, i think. my heart hurts.

13unluckyforsom

Is this your husband or partner your talking about?

13unluckyforsom

And ps... Who says you'll never be good enough? YOU and only YOU decide your worth! And everyone's worthy if you ask me. Be kind to yourself

DisplacedGRITS

my husband is my partner. he loves me but he won't ever take the leap. i dunno what it will take. we honestly have the money and i have the time but he thinks i'm too selfish. he don't get it. i just want a chance. i'm tired of having to prove myself.

Dee74

I hope you and your husband can talk some more and sort this out DG.

Some dreams are really important, so important they need two partners to be totally on board with each other before you go ahead, I think.

You are worthy of dreams and wanting, and seeing, them fulfilled

D

Jeni26

Hi DG. Sorry you're struggling right now.

I couldn't quite get whether it was the fact that you don't want a physical relationship with him at the moment, whether you don't want to have a child, whether you are not sharing the same long-term goals or whether you are hurting because you don't feel you are worthy or deserve good things? Forgive me, it's early in the morning here, and my brain hasn't quite caught up x

Sounds to me like you're way too tired to make sense of this right now. I would go to bed and see how you feel about it all in the cold light of day. There are obvious issues I think that only you and your partner can resolve as to the way to proceed with things in the future.

Are you having therapy DG? That can help with your self-esteem issues.

Oh, and DG, I was never a fan of 'faking it and pretending you're on track'. That only works for a short while, but acting a part in life gets so wearing and hurts only us in the end.

Take good care DG. Sleep well. You're doing great in sobriety. Keep going, there's nothing that can't be resolved xxx

13unluckyforsom

I'm with jeni I wasn't too sure what you were meaning. I'm just woke up and your tired so we can talk later if you still want to. Your sober and that's a big - huge step in the right direction to making any decision that's important.

DisplacedGRITS

i think all i have are my feelings. they are hard to deal with, as i feel that they are unworthy, but i have to start to trust him. i know he won't be on board with me but i will try. i am sad because i know i will fail. but maybe this will encourage me. i am so sad but i will keep heart. my heart...it is so have...my heart will never win...my heart...it hurts...i have nothing...i give up...i'm sorry

Dee74

Never give up DG - you are worth fighting for.

Have you got someone you can talk to? a close friend? a family member or a doctor or counsellor?

D

13unluckyforsom

What are you afraid of failing at? Never be afraid to try - if you don't try you will never know.

Tell me something good about yourself or something you enjoy?

Jeni26

Hey DG, never give up. Please. You are worthy.

You and I have been on SR for about the same length of time, I have watched your progress, I have seen your struggles. But you've always kept going. That's real strength DG. Don't let go of that now

We are here, we are listening.

Have you got someone you can talk to right now? A friend you can phone?xxx