penelope222

Im new and would like some advice from somone who may have been in a similar situatipn as i am now. Im living with a man who i believe to be an addict. Though oftentimes i doubt myself and think i may be overreacting. I dont know. I dont know where my head is at regarding this annd i keep changing my mind. We have a child together and moved in together a year ago. That was when he gave up drink and drugs and was attending AA and planned a better life..got a job, said we should start saving together etc. This was for three months. Then he decided that be wasnt sure that he had a problem so was going to drink a little but save the heavy party type drinking for special occasions..so we got some beer. And he got some cocaine. Said he cant drink without it! (this was news to me). Promised me that we would do something as a family next day and that one night would be all. Next day he weo a bar drank and snorted all day. I was disappointed but tried not let it upset me. Next weekend same thing..beer and coke and when i was going to bed he went to a party. Came home next morning at eight. I was very upset. Got worse....gave up his job though they gave him loads of chances after phoneing in sick most mondays and often tuesdays. Now he will go out friday or saturday and come home ssunday or monday. I work and have to organise childminding around his drinking. He sleeps ir watches tv all week and never talks so we live in silence. Ive only reshouldcently started expressing how i feel about all of this to him. He thinks theres no problem. Dump him? He is going through a difficult time...whenever it will come to a close i dont know. But to simply dump him i think sh would be cruel. I am asking what i

penelope222

Regarding thread. Im on a phone so lost the text so couldnt finish the sentance. Also the help 'thing' somehow landed in there. I need help but didnt intend it to look like that!

dwtbd

hello penelope222
Sorry to hear of your situation, there is a friends and family forum on the site , sorry but I don't have any first hand experience or advice but those threads may offer some help/advice
wish you well

FreeDance

Have you told him your feelings? Ask him to go back to AA. If he won't, and if he's making your life miserable, you might think about splitting until/unless he really gets himself together.

freespirit86

I have been in quite a similar spot as you and not too long ago. Talk to him when he is sober, carefully wording what you say so you dont seem like you are judging him. Addicts are very sensitive about things like that, choosing the right wording can go a long way. If he does not respond at all you must think of yourself and your child. If he is in no way providing for you then anything you do provide to him, cut off. Make him realize what he is doing not only to himself but to you and your child. It may come down to you leaving him, and i know it is hard, very hard. Keep strong about your decisions to him, if you dont he will think he can use you. If it comes down to you leaving him, move in with a relative if possible and keep up with your good friends, stay strong and do what you know is best for you and for your child. If you stay in a bad spot that only makes it harder on you. The future is bright and full of life but you must be willing to let those things go that hold you back and keep you down.

penelope222

Thanks for replies. I thought i sa in the family and friends forum!! Oops. I have made him aware of my feelings sensitively and recently unsesitively! Freespirit how did you handle your situation alike to mine? Thanks for your advice too but he will not talk when sober and it is my house. I cant leave. I cant throw him out. Im really stuck.

freespirit86

Cant is not an option anymore. That is what i had to come to the conclusion of. YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. contact his family if you are worried about where he will go, but honestly it sounds to me like this man is on a fast spiral downward and soon he will drag you down too. The last thing you need is to be involved in law enforcement because of his habits. I went to my exs family and friends and they came and removed him. I wound up putting a restraining order on just in case. It gives a little bit of cushion for you because you also can violate the order. You should distance yourself, tell him that he needs to start looking for another place to live, If you are afraid then involve someone else, it doesnt have to be the cops but dont count that out. YOU CAN DO THIS, FOR YOUR FUTURE, you deserve to be treated right and to have a man who supports you and your little one. One who listens to your concerns and who takes you into consideration, AND TRUST ME HE IS OUT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. Take your time on this, seriously think everything through, the pros the cons. I have faith you will do what is best for you.

ClearLight

You should post your original question to the Friends and Family Forum.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You will get a lot more feedback you can use.

Also you could check out Al-Anon