Hard but truly eye opening
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 18
Hard but truly eye opening
Hi everyone, today is day 4 and I went to my second AA meeting last night. There were only 5 of us, all guys and it was a Big Book night. It was actually pretty cool, we all read passages from the "Acceptance" chapter, page 407 and wow did it open my eyes. My wife is leaving me any day now, she just has to sign the lease for her apartment and the chapter we read was about how alcohol made me, over time, do nothing but see the negatives in my wife. It made me completely lose sight of all of the beautiful things about her and eventually all I could think about were her faults. I blamed her for our fights, for the house not being clean, for not helping me with the yard work, for not spending enough time with our kids, etc. It was the way alcohol changed my view of everyone else, becuase I could not accept that perhaps I was the one to blame for the problems I was encountering.
Another interesting thing, the times when I feel the best now are the times when I would usually be drinking (on the way home from work, at night before bed) and the times when I worry about whether or not I can continue are the times when I would never drink before (at work during the day). Not sure why this is happening, but I drive by the liquor stores on my way home and feel a sense of calmness and encouragement.
The night sweats are getting a little better with each night, although I am only truly sleeping for about 3 hours a night. I still feel better during the day though than I used to when I was drinking.
I really love the "Think it through" process. I could have one drink, but then what would happen next, well I would get a little buzz and feel pretty good, in fact I would feel even better if I had one more and then that leads to alright I am not supposed to be drinking, so as long as I am I may as well keep going and have all I want, I can always quit again tomorrow. That one drink starts is, just that one and then your look where you go. Think it through and you will always come up with the same scenarios. It is just not worth it.
Thanks again for everyone's support, it has really helped.
Another interesting thing, the times when I feel the best now are the times when I would usually be drinking (on the way home from work, at night before bed) and the times when I worry about whether or not I can continue are the times when I would never drink before (at work during the day). Not sure why this is happening, but I drive by the liquor stores on my way home and feel a sense of calmness and encouragement.
The night sweats are getting a little better with each night, although I am only truly sleeping for about 3 hours a night. I still feel better during the day though than I used to when I was drinking.
I really love the "Think it through" process. I could have one drink, but then what would happen next, well I would get a little buzz and feel pretty good, in fact I would feel even better if I had one more and then that leads to alright I am not supposed to be drinking, so as long as I am I may as well keep going and have all I want, I can always quit again tomorrow. That one drink starts is, just that one and then your look where you go. Think it through and you will always come up with the same scenarios. It is just not worth it.
Thanks again for everyone's support, it has really helped.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Keep up the good work. No matter what happens with the marriage, staying sober will give you an opportunity for a better life than you could have imagined. Now, "opportunity" is the key word as we still have to do some things to make it happen. I can truly say that I never thought I would be where I am today.
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