TexasAngel8

Hi! I was a fairly long-time poster in F&F years ago. Now I'm here. I just want to share my experiences and gain some of your amazing insight.

I really don't remember when daily drinking became the rule for me. I do remember questioning whether my standard 4 beers was problematic several years back, but It wasn't every day. I do know for certain that it has been every day for at least the past year if not 2+. Most recently, I was up to 5-8 beers nightly or a bottle of wine plus 2-3 beers. I didn't miss work, but I was increasingly late, but that's acceptable at my job. I had no DWIs, but that wasn't for lack of trying... I drank until passed out. I would get lonely and just start after work. Half the time I'd stop for a solo dinner/happy hour at my favorite restaurant. All my friends drink pretty often, and it's not just a couple of drinking buddies. They all drink.

I quit for a week in February, and an unknowing friend pressured me back in. Yes, I know I allowed that...I didn't really think I was quitting then...just testing whether I could or not.

The most recent change I saw was that about once every week or two in the past 2 months, I needed 1 drink at lunch so that I could survive the rest of the day. Then I also had several incidents of blacking out and making a fool out of myself. I knew it wasn't good, so I made an appointment with my old psychologist and said I would stop 4 days later, the Sunday after my birthday. And I did. Today is day 18, and honestly, it hasn't been a big deal. I've never had true withdrawals or anything (yes, understanding that a hangover is a withdrawal as well). I've had 3 nights home bored when I really wanted a beer, but I want to not drink 6 more than I want to drink 1. I've even met friends out and had club soda vs what they're having, and that wasn't as hard as being home alone with my thoughts lol. I read on here somewhere that sober people get lonely too. Good point. My house is cleaner than it's ever been, and I've even lost weight.

Anyway, I guess I should be grateful that I could see the writing on the wall, or that I'm not terribly deep, and maybe even for my ex-hubby who was a 3-time rehab, 5-dwi drunk that made me learn a lot about alcoholism then.

I know my lifestyle wasn't sustainable, but I admit, I find myself wondering if maybe I overreacted. I (logically) know the answer to that, but that other little side of my brain is challenging it. Maybe I'm wondering if I'm serious or not.

I'm not going to AA. If things were to become so painful and unmanageable at one point, I would go. I was at that point with my ex, and no amount of embarrassment kept me away from al-anon (although short lived). However, at this point, I just want to kick this and move on down the road without having to live and breathe recovery forever.

I guess I'm just expressing some thoughts and emotion here. Thanks for reading if you made it this far....

Anna

I'm glad you are posting.

You said you drank a lot every night, you drank till you passed out, and drank at lunch time to get through the day. I definitely don't think you're overreacting. And, remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will worsen unless you stop. Your addict brain is screaming for attention because it knows you are winning. Don't listen to it.

least

back! Congrats on 18 days sober! Keep on keepin' on.