TNWingman

Been off booze for two days. Still dealing with shakes and sweats. Been to meetings both days.

While she knew I had to take action and get a handle in my drinking, I'm not sure she gets that I'm meeting people who will support and care for me. I'm worried this will drive a wedge.

We both have had a rough go with messy divorces and continual uncooperative exes and child support and custody, plus my dad died a year ago.

My wife stresses but doesn't drink to combat it, but she gets moody and I worry about the support issue if I say I need to go to a meeting.

Has anyone been through this?

ScottFromWI

Have you talked to her about it? That would be the first step. Just be honest.

TNWingman

She has said she's not really sure about what it all entails and would be willing to go to a meeting me. Is that recommended?

TKS

I'm finding that non-alcoholics aren't really understanding of the challenges, thinking 'well just stop doing it' is the ultimate answer. Perhaps you need to help your wife to find some literature to read.

Anna

I think you should talk to your wife about her feelings and I think you should do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. For me, balance is the key and that includes lots of time for my relationship. I'm not an AA person, but hopefully you could find meetings that suited you and didn't interfere with your family time.

ScottFromWI

If she's willing to go to a meeting with you that sounds like a great start. AA has open meetings for spouses and family members to attend.

JackDsMissus

Good luck sir!

TNWingman

I think she will have a better idea when she sees how other people deal with it, hears some stories, sees the environment. Also talking to her will help.

Dee74

I think communications important TNwingman.
Let your wife in on whats going on

D

least

Go together to an open meeting. So she can see how it's done and that it's not a place to 'meet up' but a place for support in sobriety.

Eleni58

I warned my boyfriend what side effects I might get when I quit drinking (i.e. crabby, moody, resentful, tired, etc.) and said he could deal with it but hoped it didn't last forever. I assured him it wouldn't and I haven't been crabby, moody or resentful yet. So far he has been very supportive, understanding and very courteous (i.e. always asks if it will bother me if he has a beer in front of me).

LadyinBC

There is also Al-Anon, she could go to that.

Tamerua

Take her to an open meeting, I think it would be eye opening for her. My partner was leery but knew I had to do something. She now looks forward to the meetings more than I do and everyone in my home group loves her and asks for her when she doesn't go.

Gottalife

The partner of an alcoholic can also be badly affected by the disease, and it can be a bewildering time for them as there other half recovers, unless they can get some help and understanding for themselves.

I wonder if there is a recovered alcoholic in your group who has a partner in Alanon. Perhaps it would be an idea to invite them over for coffee with you and your wife, with a view to getting a better understanding of the disease as it affects everyone. Alanon has just as important a message of hope for your wife as AA has for you.