Was shy to introduce, but here goes.. another day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Was shy to introduce, but here goes.. another day 1
Hi everyone (:
I've come across this site a couple of times earlier this year and then quickly left thinking "it's not like I'm really, an alcoholic". I mean All I do is drink a whole bottle of wine and then sometimes get too drunk to realize that I'm pouring a glass of bourbon to add on to the already messed up state of mind I'm in.
But I'm thinking...I'm 31 years old and started drinking at the age of 14 or 15 (secretly from family). It wasn't everyday then..maybe 2 times a week. I think.
So fast forward, I really only remember being sober for a full 9 months....12 years ago! when I was pregnant with my one and only child...oh wait and also for 30 days about a year ago.
I weigh only about 115, at 5'1, and I'm afraid that one day my body will just not wake up after a night of hard drinking.
I'm a "functional" and "happy" drunk...I laugh, be playful and fun around the home when I have my liquid pleasure in a bottle.
But in the morning...I am sick as all HELL. be it a hangover with vomiting and extreme anxiety or more recently withdrawals( same symptoms too).
as mentioned in my profile..I don't party or clubs..I'm an "at home drinking" loner drinker...and my SO drinks, but not a heavy or often drinker like me...so that still doesnt help. we have our own separate homes, but SO stays with me a lot at my place for the past 7 years.
Anyway...the past few days when I wake up I've been not having hangovers...but what I learned is actually withdrawal symptoms. I am bad nausea..headache strain..and really bad anxiety.
I took a very tiny piece of xanax (half of 0.25) and that has eased the nausea for today.
I did that a few days ago...woke up feeling so sick...took a tiny dose of x. and then by the next day and the day after that I was fine didn't need a tiny dose of xanax or anything and on the road to being and staying sober, no symptoms of discomfort...
until day 3 or 4 I asked my SO to please go get me a bottle of wine.
I wish my SO would just say NO! and so what if I bitch about it. though I may have gotten it myself anyways.
Tomorrow I will start taking my magnesium vitamins again, along with b vitamins...I feel pretty better when I keep up with that. I just hope in 3 days I don't run for the liquor store again. tired of feeling sick all the time the next day.
ok...that's all, don't want to write a whole book here.
thanks for reading.
I'm glad I finally spoke up and posted-despite it being so long and drawn out:-)
today is day 1 again.
I feel confident i can do this. And I'm finally admitting to myself that I may have "a problem".
I've come across this site a couple of times earlier this year and then quickly left thinking "it's not like I'm really, an alcoholic". I mean All I do is drink a whole bottle of wine and then sometimes get too drunk to realize that I'm pouring a glass of bourbon to add on to the already messed up state of mind I'm in.
But I'm thinking...I'm 31 years old and started drinking at the age of 14 or 15 (secretly from family). It wasn't everyday then..maybe 2 times a week. I think.
So fast forward, I really only remember being sober for a full 9 months....12 years ago! when I was pregnant with my one and only child...oh wait and also for 30 days about a year ago.
I weigh only about 115, at 5'1, and I'm afraid that one day my body will just not wake up after a night of hard drinking.
I'm a "functional" and "happy" drunk...I laugh, be playful and fun around the home when I have my liquid pleasure in a bottle.
But in the morning...I am sick as all HELL. be it a hangover with vomiting and extreme anxiety or more recently withdrawals( same symptoms too).
as mentioned in my profile..I don't party or clubs..I'm an "at home drinking" loner drinker...and my SO drinks, but not a heavy or often drinker like me...so that still doesnt help. we have our own separate homes, but SO stays with me a lot at my place for the past 7 years.
Anyway...the past few days when I wake up I've been not having hangovers...but what I learned is actually withdrawal symptoms. I am bad nausea..headache strain..and really bad anxiety.
I took a very tiny piece of xanax (half of 0.25) and that has eased the nausea for today.
I did that a few days ago...woke up feeling so sick...took a tiny dose of x. and then by the next day and the day after that I was fine didn't need a tiny dose of xanax or anything and on the road to being and staying sober, no symptoms of discomfort...
until day 3 or 4 I asked my SO to please go get me a bottle of wine.
I wish my SO would just say NO! and so what if I bitch about it. though I may have gotten it myself anyways.
Tomorrow I will start taking my magnesium vitamins again, along with b vitamins...I feel pretty better when I keep up with that. I just hope in 3 days I don't run for the liquor store again. tired of feeling sick all the time the next day.
ok...that's all, don't want to write a whole book here.
thanks for reading.
I'm glad I finally spoke up and posted-despite it being so long and drawn out:-)
today is day 1 again.
I feel confident i can do this. And I'm finally admitting to myself that I may have "a problem".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
Hi Vinter
Welcome. I think you will find lots of support and information here. Seeing a problem is the first step towards fixing it, so Congratulations.
The question i see asked of people struggling early on is "do you have a plan?"
Without a plan to fight the urges and change what has happened in the past, nothing will change.
Good luck to you.
Welcome. I think you will find lots of support and information here. Seeing a problem is the first step towards fixing it, so Congratulations.
The question i see asked of people struggling early on is "do you have a plan?"
Without a plan to fight the urges and change what has happened in the past, nothing will change.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Welcome VR. I keep saying that the road to being sober is self honesty. For the most part alcoholics are in denial of having a problem with alcohol. Amounts drank vary with many of us, it's what happens to us when we drink. Happy, angry, abusive, sullen etc. It usually not a positive outcome we planned. The most direct way to overcome it is not picking up the first drink one day at a time. I suggest reading posts here and AA as a positive way also. BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
no plan, but still sort of confident:-)
Thank you everyone for the Welcome
And no misterritter ..I don't really have a plan. I guess my plan is that I plan on not drinking from now. I guess after drinking off and on..mostly on for 15 years...I may need better plan of action.
However, I'm going to see how I do by the 3rd/4th day, which seems to be my most crave, gotta have it days.
my partner is actually in the other room having a drink right NOW
, when I saw her drinking, she said "oh, I was trying to hurry up and not let you see." Anyway.. I actually don't want any at all. Most likely because I'm so sick with nausea still.
but that 4th day. we'll see... I'll post on here if I get the urge...as well as take a full dose of my magnesium to calm my nerves.
k. Thanks again for the welcome!
And no misterritter ..I don't really have a plan. I guess my plan is that I plan on not drinking from now. I guess after drinking off and on..mostly on for 15 years...I may need better plan of action.
However, I'm going to see how I do by the 3rd/4th day, which seems to be my most crave, gotta have it days.
my partner is actually in the other room having a drink right NOW
, when I saw her drinking, she said "oh, I was trying to hurry up and not let you see." Anyway.. I actually don't want any at all. Most likely because I'm so sick with nausea still.but that 4th day. we'll see... I'll post on here if I get the urge...as well as take a full dose of my magnesium to calm my nerves.
k. Thanks again for the welcome!
x
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hi VinterRose. I was 29 when i realized that my drinking was abnormal. I'm 32 now and finally getting a handle on things. I dabbled in sobriety but i kept failing because i didn't have a way to get past Day 4. I finally started going to AA daily and that helped get me over the hump. I did that for 2 months. Perhaps spending time amongst like minded people could help you as well. You don't have to get a sponsor and work the steps, though that's strongly recommended. You have to just want to stop drinking.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Welcome VinterRose! Your post wasn't long and drawn out - it all makes perfect sense. Glad you found us and decided to reach out for some help.
When I joined SR I couldn't imagine how an online community would be able to help me. I quickly found I had so much in common with everyone - even though we're from all over the world & a variety of ages. I didn't have anyone to relate to in my life - everyone was a social drinker. The more I read and posted here, the more I found the strength to kick alcohol out of my life for good. I'm glad you joined us - you can do this Vinter.
When I joined SR I couldn't imagine how an online community would be able to help me. I quickly found I had so much in common with everyone - even though we're from all over the world & a variety of ages. I didn't have anyone to relate to in my life - everyone was a social drinker. The more I read and posted here, the more I found the strength to kick alcohol out of my life for good. I'm glad you joined us - you can do this Vinter.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Welcome VR! I am glad you are here. Technically I think all hangovers are forms of withdrawals, but if yours have changed it could mean that your drinking has progressed. You can do this. At 31 you have so much sober life to live if you want it!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,447
Welcome VinterRose
I encourage you to make a plan - even if, for now, it's just to log in here daily, reach out for support if you need it, and have a heart to heart with your SO about why it's important they not buy you wine.
little ripples can make great waves
why not join the Class of August thread for a start?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-7.html
D
I encourage you to make a plan - even if, for now, it's just to log in here daily, reach out for support if you need it, and have a heart to heart with your SO about why it's important they not buy you wine.
little ripples can make great waves
why not join the Class of August thread for a start?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-7.html
D
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