Back to the beginning with less strength than before
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bourne, MA
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by DesperateDan 
Thanks SLB - I agree with all of this.
They (her mum & sister) did the right thing by removing my daughter from the situation. It must have been absolutely awful for them - I was very rude to both of them as well and the neighbour had to get involved. Just the worst thing ever.
I am not cross they took her - I know it was the right thing to do.
It has given me a new rock bottom. With the right kind of help, I want to try and turn that into a springboard, make amends for this mess, and be a good man in life.
This is my only motivation now.
Thank you for your msg - and lovely bit of LedZep in there too
x
They (her mum & sister) did the right thing by removing my daughter from the situation. It must have been absolutely awful for them - I was very rude to both of them as well and the neighbour had to get involved. Just the worst thing ever.
I am not cross they took her - I know it was the right thing to do.
It has given me a new rock bottom. With the right kind of help, I want to try and turn that into a springboard, make amends for this mess, and be a good man in life.
This is my only motivation now.
Thank you for your msg - and lovely bit of LedZep in there too
xI am fortunate in that I married the the most caring, strongest and patient woman that the good lord ever put on Earth. Her empathy and forgivness (with lots of qualifications) is the only reason I'm alive today.
Still battling it out with alcohol although not quite as bad. My point in all of this is that I've decided that I blew allot of time and did allot of wrong. I will just do my best going forward to make up for it. That's all I can do. Just do the work, keep the faith, and every day at this point is you feeling better and getting another step closer to rebulding that trust.
I wish you luck
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Dan, thank you for sharing your story.
When I read it and all the responses from other members, it just reinforces how shockingly sad it is that logical, caring people like us have put ourselves and others through this craziness.
I am only 28 days sober, I can't offer much wisdom other than being aware of what your potential triggers are in the next few days, and have a plan,even for simple things, like when you might crave a drink after work etc.
I imagine this is especially important for the stress before and after your visit with your daughter. Will you go for a walk, promise yourself you will stay calm, reward yourself with a trip to the movies afterwards so you don't feel as much alone or sad?
Sending you positive thoughts.
I hope you'll continue posting as you begin this journey. You never have to return to hell. We're all here to help. So true.
When I read it and all the responses from other members, it just reinforces how shockingly sad it is that logical, caring people like us have put ourselves and others through this craziness.
I am only 28 days sober, I can't offer much wisdom other than being aware of what your potential triggers are in the next few days, and have a plan,even for simple things, like when you might crave a drink after work etc.
I imagine this is especially important for the stress before and after your visit with your daughter. Will you go for a walk, promise yourself you will stay calm, reward yourself with a trip to the movies afterwards so you don't feel as much alone or sad?
Sending you positive thoughts.
Originally Posted by Hevyn
I hope you'll continue posting as you begin this journey. You never have to return to hell. We're all here to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 10
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and for sharing what you have.
I am at work and feel like I am about to dissolve in tears.
I keep thinking about my poor ex partner pushing the buggy on her own and it is just too much to bear.
I never wanted it to be like this. I wouldn't wish what I've done on my worst enemy, let alone the mother of my children.
Thanks again for what you've all written - I'm just sharing the contents of my head at the moment and that intrusive image of her alone....it just makes me weep.
I am at work and feel like I am about to dissolve in tears.
I keep thinking about my poor ex partner pushing the buggy on her own and it is just too much to bear.
I never wanted it to be like this. I wouldn't wish what I've done on my worst enemy, let alone the mother of my children.
Thanks again for what you've all written - I'm just sharing the contents of my head at the moment and that intrusive image of her alone....it just makes me weep.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 10
Thanks again SLB for what you've written. Her mum has made a lot of mistakes. Throughout my ex partners childhood, my ex partner was badly beaten by her father while mum just turned her back.
I just feel so so wretched about what I've done to my ex. She's already had all that sh*t and us and our new baby were meant to be a way out of it all. And I destroyed it.
It's going to be a tough day today. I am determined not to take a drink. I don't really have a craving for one or anything like that (maybe the Campral, who knows..)
I just never wanted to hurt another person the way that I have hurt her. I never ever wanted to do that.
I just feel so so wretched about what I've done to my ex. She's already had all that sh*t and us and our new baby were meant to be a way out of it all. And I destroyed it.
It's going to be a tough day today. I am determined not to take a drink. I don't really have a craving for one or anything like that (maybe the Campral, who knows..)
I just never wanted to hurt another person the way that I have hurt her. I never ever wanted to do that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: London, UK
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Sasha4
What I also said to him is the phrase that got me on the straight and narrow, but I doubt be will remember.
This explains drinking in my life full stop.
'I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have never regretted NOT drinking'.
It is so true for me.
Hand on heart can you look back over your life and think of any occasions where you wished you had drunk?
This would not be just drinking one or two, but drinking as we know how, far too many drinks, blacking out, saying hurtful things, doing wrong things, having memory loss, having unexplained injuries?
The other phrase that worked for me was 'if I don't pick up the first drink, I cannot get drunk'.
Again that has totally made me see that it is not the 8th or 9th drink, that causes trouble, it is the first one.
I don't know how many times i have woken up from a blackout where at the start off the night I had sworn to myself I would only drink 4 drinks and that's it.
The only sure way to make me not drink, is to never have TNT first one,then my mind cannot be tempted into more, I don't start justifying that just a one more won't hurt. Because it is never one more, it is always too many more.
I wish you the best and I am glad you are seeing this as an opportunity to sort yourself out, rather than drink more to commiserate what you think you have not got.
Just remember too that how you feel today will not be how u feel tomorrow, next week, in a months time,in 6 months time.
This will be true for your family and in laws too.
They will be angry okay. Next week thy will be less angry, in 3 months it won't be mentioned as much, in 6 months it might be forgotten.
Just get your head down, do what you need to do, come here everyday, read,post learn and I am sure you can totally do this.
Your life is not over, your not a hideous person, you are not a monster, you. Just made a bad choice. That's all I promise you. Xxxx
This explains drinking in my life full stop.
'I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have never regretted NOT drinking'.
It is so true for me.
Hand on heart can you look back over your life and think of any occasions where you wished you had drunk?
This would not be just drinking one or two, but drinking as we know how, far too many drinks, blacking out, saying hurtful things, doing wrong things, having memory loss, having unexplained injuries?
The other phrase that worked for me was 'if I don't pick up the first drink, I cannot get drunk'.
Again that has totally made me see that it is not the 8th or 9th drink, that causes trouble, it is the first one.
I don't know how many times i have woken up from a blackout where at the start off the night I had sworn to myself I would only drink 4 drinks and that's it.
The only sure way to make me not drink, is to never have TNT first one,then my mind cannot be tempted into more, I don't start justifying that just a one more won't hurt. Because it is never one more, it is always too many more.
I wish you the best and I am glad you are seeing this as an opportunity to sort yourself out, rather than drink more to commiserate what you think you have not got.
Just remember too that how you feel today will not be how u feel tomorrow, next week, in a months time,in 6 months time.
This will be true for your family and in laws too.
They will be angry okay. Next week thy will be less angry, in 3 months it won't be mentioned as much, in 6 months it might be forgotten.
Just get your head down, do what you need to do, come here everyday, read,post learn and I am sure you can totally do this.
Your life is not over, your not a hideous person, you are not a monster, you. Just made a bad choice. That's all I promise you. Xxxx
It's what I keep clinging on to.
How could I ever think I would just have 'the one' on Thursday.... It led to the 4th bottle of vodka on the Sunday.
And for that, they were right to take my daughter.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
They can never ever truly take your daughter.
You are always going to be her daddy.
You can't stop being her daddy.
They cannot take away your title as her daddy.
She will also probably understand what's happening now.
I feel we all have to 'get it' eventually.
What I mean by 'get it' is in my case I had to understand 100% that me and drink, in any amount, is a bad mix full stop.
Since I 'got that' clearly understood for myself, there have been a lot less drama's in my life.
You are young. Your daughter is young.
Why not 'get it' now while you have the rest of your life ahead of you?
Don't loose anymore.
You have not lost your job.....yet.
You have not lost your home ......yet
You have not lost your daughter...yet.
You just need to decide to be the best daddy you can be with what you have at the moment.
Doctors also class addiction (drink or drugs, food or gambling) as a disease.
They believe it is no different to suffering from a chronic long term disease, such as epilepsy, asthma, or diabetes. And everyday you have to look after yourself, protect yourself from the things that make your disease flare up.
It does not excuse things. It is not a get out clause, but when I learnt more about addiction, it explained why I kept making bad choices. Why I promised myself 2 but drank 12. Why I planned every Monday to stop, yet by Monday afternoon I was queuing up to pay for my wine or vodka at Asda.
It made me feel less alone being part of this forum, where I found others who not only understood but had done the same things I did.
So asthma it might be avoiding dust.
Diabetes might be being careful with what you eat.
Alcoholism avoiding drink and any stressful situations that make you drink.
[/LIST]
You are always going to be her daddy.
You can't stop being her daddy.
They cannot take away your title as her daddy.
She will also probably understand what's happening now.
I feel we all have to 'get it' eventually.
What I mean by 'get it' is in my case I had to understand 100% that me and drink, in any amount, is a bad mix full stop.
Since I 'got that' clearly understood for myself, there have been a lot less drama's in my life.
You are young. Your daughter is young.
Why not 'get it' now while you have the rest of your life ahead of you?
Don't loose anymore.
You have not lost your job.....yet.
You have not lost your home ......yet
You have not lost your daughter...yet.
You just need to decide to be the best daddy you can be with what you have at the moment.
Doctors also class addiction (drink or drugs, food or gambling) as a disease.
They believe it is no different to suffering from a chronic long term disease, such as epilepsy, asthma, or diabetes. And everyday you have to look after yourself, protect yourself from the things that make your disease flare up.
It does not excuse things. It is not a get out clause, but when I learnt more about addiction, it explained why I kept making bad choices. Why I promised myself 2 but drank 12. Why I planned every Monday to stop, yet by Monday afternoon I was queuing up to pay for my wine or vodka at Asda.
It made me feel less alone being part of this forum, where I found others who not only understood but had done the same things I did.
So asthma it might be avoiding dust.
Diabetes might be being careful with what you eat.
Alcoholism avoiding drink and any stressful situations that make you drink.
[/LIST]
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