Gypzy

Ahhhg!! OK! I'm kinda hitting a wall here. It's getting to that time of day where I start arguing with myself weather to drink or not. Usually I just give in...I'm feeling like I don't need it...but my in my head I start seeing myself walking into the liquor store. I'm about to go on a run with my friend which I do everyday and I'm really afraid that I'm just going to find myself driving up and grabbing a bottle. I'm feeling board. The days are just all the same. Wake up, school work, sons swim class while I run, make dinner, watch TV, bed....that bottle makes my night interesting...I'm trying really hard to keep from buying it...but I'm afraid it's just going to happen.

cascademn

Hey Gypzy, hang tough! You can do this!! You are already taking a stand by posting your drinking thoughts. Post a hundred times on here if you have to. There is a fantastic chat room here that currently is full of SR people hanging out and supporting each other. Research additional recovery resources you can connect with locally. Do anything you can not to make that trip. I've soooo been there. It's a difficult obsession, but it can be overcome. We're with ya. hugs.

Take Care,
Cas

Eleni58

Your AV is telling you that the bottle makes the night more interesting. Don't listen! Don't try to do this alone! Go to AA or some other support group. Call someone..talk it out. You can do it!!!

Hevyn

Hi Gypzy. I'm so glad you joined us - you found a great place for support & encouragement.

I drank all my life & when I came here I didn't feel alone anymore. It was really hard to quit as an older person - and you're doing yourself such a favor by stopping now. I would love to go back to 29 and reclaim all those years I wasted being foggy and numb. Drinking never made anything better, more fun, or eased the pain of any situation. All it did was add to my problems and make horrible new ones.

Be proud of yourself for making this decision. It is hard in the beginning - there are hurdles to get over - but we promise it does get easier as you get some sober time behind you. You're doing great.

kab

hi gypzy,,,when I drank I drank to get messed up I could not stop,what I learned from aa is that u can try to stop for 24 hrs,,that's all you can do it,,,some people cant,,,so I sugest you go for 1hr at a time ,if that does not work go for 15min at a time,,you can stop for 15min,,most important is to pray to jesus or your hp for help,,if you have to pray to your hp every 15min do so,,,you can pray on your knees ,standing up,laying down,,,whatever you prefer.just keep praying,,prayer is my strongest tool I have,if you have phone numbers call those people,,they can help you also,,god works thru people.i will be praying for you gypzy,,,

DisplacedGRITS

boredom was a big problem for me too, gypzy. one thing i started doing again was reading. i'm in AA and step work or talking to another alcoholic helps too. going to meetings is almost always fun and it's different every time i go. when the voice in my head gets too loud and starts trying to tell me that i've got this and i can control my drinking, i come here and read and post. sometimes, posting to someone who needs support is all it takes to get me out of my own head. it gives me a good feeling to be of service to someone. sometimes, if i feel like i'm about to go nuts, i post here and just surround myself in the warmth of love, support and advice that this place is so amazing at offering. the bottle doesn't make your day more interesting. it just makes you happy being bored. so how about you get unbored and add something new to your life?

360shoes

Hi Gypzy and welcome!
The old 5 oclock was a hot spot for me too. I also noticed that if I made it to 7 I was kind of in the clear. Made sense since that was my drinking pattern so I just chalked it up to habit.

I figured I could handle anything for a couple hours so I just switched up the old routine.

For me it got easier and easier the longer I didn't drink. Now, just once in awhile a thought just pops out of nowhere and lasts about 10 secs. It just makes me laugh now.

Glad you joined in. You can do it!

JumpnOn2

Hello Gypzy. Glad u came hear. Based on what I read I see some of me in most everyone of u. Gypzy, AVRT is helpful to me and others here have said so too. Google "AVRT" the one u want is on the Rational Recovery website. It taught me how too recognize my addictive voice and ways to deal with the SOB. This is a good place 2 be!!!

misterritter

Hi Gypzy

I often fell prey to a routine which involved drinking. It was part of my day and i liked my routine. I think a key to getting out of that routine is planning to do something else. For the beginning part of sobriety find anything that can distract you. For me, breaking that inertia is really hard.

Continuing to not drink takes another set of tools and changing how life used to be, but that first part is something you have to get through anyway you can.

I also used to feel the way you do about therapy and sharing my thoughts and feelings with other people. I used to think it made me weak to have and share my feelings with other people. But I have since come to view the process another way. I know from experience how hard it is to truly talk to someone and share whats going one inside my head, so it takes a very strong person to do something so hard.

I used to think I was being strong by not needing anyone and bottling it all up inside, but now i realize i was taking the easy way out. It was pretty easy to watch my life from outside, number by alcohol, but participating in and steering my life is much harder and more rewarding, as well.

Keep posting and reading here, there is a lot of knowledge and compassion on this site.

Gypzy

Thank you everyone for your support. This is hard to say, but I didn't make it last night...but something else happened that was something big for me. Usually I feel better when I start drinking. Last night with every drink I took I felt worse and worse. Worse about myself and very disappointed. I had a friend come and visit me that I haven't seen in 10 years (he doesn't drink) and while talking with him (pretty sober at that point) I realized that we were sitting there having a great time laughing and catching up...and we didn't need to drink to do this. It was an eye opener because I usually hang out with a different friend who drinks like I do. So, even though I am so mad at myself for giving in last night, I'm glad it happened. It was like a corner was turned in my thought process. I just don't need that. I can have fun and hang out with out drinking. I am taking all of everyone advice. I'm so ready to be done with this stupid destructive behavior. I am going to go out and buy a couple books and get back into reading at night on my pouch instead of drinking. I am also not going to look at the long goal...I'm going to just take this day by day...and around 5 pm probably hour by hour...but I feel like I can do this. I don't want to feel that disappointment in myself again.

JumpnOn2

Gypzy, this is never easy u just have to keep trying when you slip. Try to think with your "good" head and not listen to that evil AV thing that comes out of all of us. Learning is part of this process for me. And boy have I had a lot of lessons!!! As I posted the other day "I might slip but I will try like hell not to fall".

Eleni58

I'm glad you are not beating yourself up over your slip. Great attitude! You can do it!

Dee74

Hi and welcome Gypzy

if what you've been doing to stay sober is not working, maybe you need to try other things, other approaches?

D

360shoes

Hi Gypzy,
That happened to me too! I had 2 weeks in the beginning and then drank one day. I hated every minute of it. I didn't enjoy one thing about it. Kind of made me sick just trying to gag it down. That's when it turned for me. Just got up the next day and said no more.

That was almost 6 months ago. I'm done. I'm not touching the stuff again. Me and alcohol don't get along. I will be just fine without it.

Never give up and just find what you need to keep it going!