My pregnant wife has a drinking problem
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Please stop "having a drink with her" Please. That's just enouraging her. I have no tolerance for people who drink just a little when they are pregnant. You need to talk to a doctor immediatley. If she is passing out, that is NOT good for the baby.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Please take appropriate steps to care for your unborn child. This baby has no one looking out for its well-being, and it's heart-breaking. As a father, step up and put your child's needs before yours and your wife's. Talk to her dr, to social services, do whatever you need to do to prevent her from drinking anymore. Having witnessed first-hand what FAS can do to a child and to a family, I hope that you will speak with your wife's dr and tell him the truth.
This is our Sticky in the Women's Forum on FAS:
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
It''s important to know that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome cannot be diagnosed until after the baby is born, so a Prenatal visit cannot tell you about FAS. Definition
All of the following information is from the Mayo Clinic Website.
Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is a condition that results from alcohol exposure during pregnancy. Problems that may be caused by fetal alcohol syndrome include physical deformities, mental retardation, learning disorders, vision difficulties and behavioral problems.
The problems caused by fetal alcohol syndrome vary from child to child, but defects caused by fetal alcohol syndrome are irreversible.
There is no amount of alcohol that's known to be safe to consume during pregnancy. If you drink during pregnancy, you place your baby at risk of fetal alcohol syndrome.
If you suspect your child has fetal alcohol syndrome, talk to your doctor as soon as possible. Early diagnosis may reduce the risk of problems, including learning difficulties and substance abuse.
Causes
By Mayo Clinic staff
When you're pregnant and drink alcohol, it enters your bloodstream and reaches your developing fetus by crossing the placenta. Because a fetus metabolizes alcohol more slowly than an adult does, your developing baby's blood alcohol concentrations are higher than those in your body. Alcohol also interferes with the delivery of oxygen and optimal nutrition to your baby's developing tissues and organs, including the brain.
The more you drink while pregnant, the greater the risk to your unborn baby. The risk is present at any time during pregnancy. However, impairment of facial features, the heart and other organs, including the bones, and the central nervous system may occur as a result of drinking alcohol during the first trimester. That's when these parts of the fetus are in key stages of development. In the early weeks of the first trimester, many women may not be aware that they're pregnant.
Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
Fetal alcohol syndrome isn't a single birth defect. It's a cluster of related problems and the most severe of a group of consequences of prenatal alcohol exposure. Collectively, the range of disorders is known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs).
Fetal alcohol syndrome is a common — yet preventable — cause of mental retardation. The severity of mental problems varies, with some children experiencing them to a far greater degree than others.
Signs of fetal alcohol syndrome may include:
· Distinctive facial features, including small eyes, an exceptionally thin upper lip, a short, upturned nose, and a smooth skin surface between the nose and upper lip
· Deformities of joints, limbs and fingers
· Slow physical growth before and after birth
· Vision difficulties or hearing problems
· Small head circumference and brain size (microcephaly)
· Poor coordination
· Mental retardation and delayed development
· Learning disorders
· Abnormal behavior, such as a short attention span, hyperactivity, poor impulse control, extreme nervousness and anxiety
· Heart defects
The facial features seen with fetal alcohol syndrome may also occur in normal, healthy children. Distinguishing normal facial features from those of fetal alcohol syndrome requires expertise.
Doctors may use other terms to describe some of the signs of fetal alcohol syndrome. An alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder is a mental or behavioral impairment that occurs as a result of fetal exposure to alcohol. Alcohol-related birth defects are physical defects that occur from fetal alcohol exposure.
When to see a doctor
If you're pregnant and can't stop drinking, ask your obstetrician or other health care provider for help.
Because early diagnosis may help reduce the risk of long-term problems for children with FAS, let your child's doctor know if you drank alcohol while you were pregnant. Don't wait for problems to arise before seeking help.
If you've adopted a child or are providing foster care, you may not know if your child's biological mother drank alcohol while pregnant — and it may not initially occur to you that your child may have fetal alcohol syndrome. However, if your child has learning and behavioral problems, talk with your child's doctor so that the underlying cause might be identified.
Tests and diagnosis
By Mayo Clinic staff
Although doctors can't diagnose fetal alcohol syndrome before a baby is born, they can assess the health of mother and baby during pregnancy. If you report the timing and amount of alcohol consumption, your obstetrician or other health care provider can help determine the risk of fetal alcohol syndrome.
If you let your child's doctor know that you drank alcoholic beverages during your pregnancy, he or she can watch for signs and symptoms of this syndrome in your child's initial weeks, months and years of life. To make a diagnosis, doctors will assess:
· Growth
· Facial features
· Heart health
· Hearing
· Vision
· Cognitive ability
· Language development
· Motor skills
· Behavior
Doctors may refer a child with possible fetal alcohol syndrome to a medical genetics specialist to rule out other disorders with similar signs and symptoms.
If one child in your family is diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, it's important to evaluate his or her siblings to determine whether they also have fetal alcohol syndrome.
__________________
This is our Sticky in the Women's Forum on FAS:
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
It''s important to know that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome cannot be diagnosed until after the baby is born, so a Prenatal visit cannot tell you about FAS. Definition
All of the following information is from the Mayo Clinic Website.
Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is a condition that results from alcohol exposure during pregnancy. Problems that may be caused by fetal alcohol syndrome include physical deformities, mental retardation, learning disorders, vision difficulties and behavioral problems.
The problems caused by fetal alcohol syndrome vary from child to child, but defects caused by fetal alcohol syndrome are irreversible.
There is no amount of alcohol that's known to be safe to consume during pregnancy. If you drink during pregnancy, you place your baby at risk of fetal alcohol syndrome.
If you suspect your child has fetal alcohol syndrome, talk to your doctor as soon as possible. Early diagnosis may reduce the risk of problems, including learning difficulties and substance abuse.
Causes
By Mayo Clinic staff
When you're pregnant and drink alcohol, it enters your bloodstream and reaches your developing fetus by crossing the placenta. Because a fetus metabolizes alcohol more slowly than an adult does, your developing baby's blood alcohol concentrations are higher than those in your body. Alcohol also interferes with the delivery of oxygen and optimal nutrition to your baby's developing tissues and organs, including the brain.
The more you drink while pregnant, the greater the risk to your unborn baby. The risk is present at any time during pregnancy. However, impairment of facial features, the heart and other organs, including the bones, and the central nervous system may occur as a result of drinking alcohol during the first trimester. That's when these parts of the fetus are in key stages of development. In the early weeks of the first trimester, many women may not be aware that they're pregnant.
Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
Fetal alcohol syndrome isn't a single birth defect. It's a cluster of related problems and the most severe of a group of consequences of prenatal alcohol exposure. Collectively, the range of disorders is known as fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASDs).
Fetal alcohol syndrome is a common — yet preventable — cause of mental retardation. The severity of mental problems varies, with some children experiencing them to a far greater degree than others.
Signs of fetal alcohol syndrome may include:
· Distinctive facial features, including small eyes, an exceptionally thin upper lip, a short, upturned nose, and a smooth skin surface between the nose and upper lip
· Deformities of joints, limbs and fingers
· Slow physical growth before and after birth
· Vision difficulties or hearing problems
· Small head circumference and brain size (microcephaly)
· Poor coordination
· Mental retardation and delayed development
· Learning disorders
· Abnormal behavior, such as a short attention span, hyperactivity, poor impulse control, extreme nervousness and anxiety
· Heart defects
The facial features seen with fetal alcohol syndrome may also occur in normal, healthy children. Distinguishing normal facial features from those of fetal alcohol syndrome requires expertise.
Doctors may use other terms to describe some of the signs of fetal alcohol syndrome. An alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder is a mental or behavioral impairment that occurs as a result of fetal exposure to alcohol. Alcohol-related birth defects are physical defects that occur from fetal alcohol exposure.
When to see a doctor
If you're pregnant and can't stop drinking, ask your obstetrician or other health care provider for help.
Because early diagnosis may help reduce the risk of long-term problems for children with FAS, let your child's doctor know if you drank alcohol while you were pregnant. Don't wait for problems to arise before seeking help.
If you've adopted a child or are providing foster care, you may not know if your child's biological mother drank alcohol while pregnant — and it may not initially occur to you that your child may have fetal alcohol syndrome. However, if your child has learning and behavioral problems, talk with your child's doctor so that the underlying cause might be identified.
Tests and diagnosis
By Mayo Clinic staff
Although doctors can't diagnose fetal alcohol syndrome before a baby is born, they can assess the health of mother and baby during pregnancy. If you report the timing and amount of alcohol consumption, your obstetrician or other health care provider can help determine the risk of fetal alcohol syndrome.
If you let your child's doctor know that you drank alcoholic beverages during your pregnancy, he or she can watch for signs and symptoms of this syndrome in your child's initial weeks, months and years of life. To make a diagnosis, doctors will assess:
· Growth
· Facial features
· Heart health
· Hearing
· Vision
· Cognitive ability
· Language development
· Motor skills
· Behavior
Doctors may refer a child with possible fetal alcohol syndrome to a medical genetics specialist to rule out other disorders with similar signs and symptoms.
If one child in your family is diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, it's important to evaluate his or her siblings to determine whether they also have fetal alcohol syndrome.
__________________
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 186
Hi BD.
I am very sorry that you are all in this position. You have the chance to improve things for the last two months of the pregnancy. You are a family and need to move forward together.
I suggest you approach her with a supportive attitude but a DECISION that you will seek medical advice and SUPPORT for her. Hopefully you can access this together with her agreement, otherwise, I think you need to advise her that you will intervene without her consent.
Emphasise the team or family approach. Something HAS to change and you want to do it together if you can.
All best for you all.
I am very sorry that you are all in this position. You have the chance to improve things for the last two months of the pregnancy. You are a family and need to move forward together.
I suggest you approach her with a supportive attitude but a DECISION that you will seek medical advice and SUPPORT for her. Hopefully you can access this together with her agreement, otherwise, I think you need to advise her that you will intervene without her consent.
Emphasise the team or family approach. Something HAS to change and you want to do it together if you can.
All best for you all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 57
The absolute priority is the health and well-being of the baby. You need to do whatever it takes. You need to ensure the safety of the baby regardless of the consequences.
Maybe an intervention? At least go talk to your doctor about it.
I wish you luck.
Maybe an intervention? At least go talk to your doctor about it.
I wish you luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Jacksonville
Posts: 4
Thanks for all the input! I got home and noticed she had quite a bit to drink and confronted her with empty bottles and how she is hurting the baby. I took the debit card and the car keys and called our OB to inform them of the situation. Her mother is coming out to stay with us until after the baby is born.
I think another issue is she seems to be depressed. She feels everything moved too fast, away from family/friends and regrets her decisions. Her mom being here to watch and help keep her occupied should be a big help.
I think another issue is she seems to be depressed. She feels everything moved too fast, away from family/friends and regrets her decisions. Her mom being here to watch and help keep her occupied should be a big help.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I'm so glad you told your OB and have come back here. It may well be that damage has already been done if she has been drinking consistently and heavily throughout her pregnancy but at least your doc knows the situation now and can monitor the baby once it is born and provide extra care if required.Wishing you all the very best.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Dear bonedaddy, I'm glad you are actively seeking answers here. Good job. I'm concerned about the effect withdrawals might have on the baby also. Withdrawals can be very rough on the person and the baby would have to go thru it also. You should not share a drink with her. Don't drink around her either. Drinking and pregnancy do not go together at all. Here's your chance to begin being a father. Protect your child. You have to be their voice. They are counting on you. You can be the hero here for your child and your wife. You should be very vocal about this. Hugs to you for seeking answers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 18
My heart hurts for your situation. Please don't talk yourself into the mindset that this is OK. She needs to stop. She is hurting your baby by drinking. Even if the baby is born seemingly healthy doesn't mean there won't be irrepairable damage that shows up later. The baby's tiny body and brain can not go unaffected from this alcohol exposure. I quite while pregnant both times but when the urges got so strong I would have an Odoul's (a non alcoholic beer) or occasionally a glass of wine. I had twins and one is fine shows not symptoms of anything but the other suffers from all sorts of learning disabilities, social skill issues, maturity issues, sensory processing issues. I wonder what effect that exposure had? Find some help for her. She needs it and so does your baby.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
I'm glad your MIL will be with her. I remember during my first pregnancy, I was so lonely, as we'd moved away from all my family...it's hard....but not an excuse to drink. Does your wife have a doctor she could discuss depression with? I think it would be a good idea, especially as post partem depression could be an issue after the baby is born.
Thank you for the update.
Thank you for the update.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
I'm really glad you are taking action. I quit drinking the day I found out I was pregnant for each of my pregnancies, and even as an alcoholic, did not find it difficult at all because the knowledge of my baby's health was so central in my brain. Of course, I understand that it is not easy for everyone.
Even though I did everything right, my first child died at 30 weeks gestation, and it was devastating. I say this because if, god forbid, something were to happen to your baby, whether related to her (very heavy) drinking or not, the guilt will be enormous. Perhaps nearly insurmountable. I did everything right in my pregnancy, and the guilt of losing my child was still heavy.
Pregnancy is a fragile time, both for mom and baby, and I truly hope that your baby is born healthy and full-term with no problems. I have spent a total of 45 days in the NICU with my 2 living children, and believe me, the nurses have little pity for moms who have abused their babies during pregnancy. They care for the babies none-the-less, but it's another awful place to be. I am so sorry for the position you are in.
Even though I did everything right, my first child died at 30 weeks gestation, and it was devastating. I say this because if, god forbid, something were to happen to your baby, whether related to her (very heavy) drinking or not, the guilt will be enormous. Perhaps nearly insurmountable. I did everything right in my pregnancy, and the guilt of losing my child was still heavy.
Pregnancy is a fragile time, both for mom and baby, and I truly hope that your baby is born healthy and full-term with no problems. I have spent a total of 45 days in the NICU with my 2 living children, and believe me, the nurses have little pity for moms who have abused their babies during pregnancy. They care for the babies none-the-less, but it's another awful place to be. I am so sorry for the position you are in.
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