This should be day 4...
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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This should be day 4...
But lo and behold I didn't make it...now there's a surprise! 
...usual feelings of guilt, shame, frustration etc...I am sick, tired and beyond bored of feeling this way...why o why then do I keep doing it! 
think I'm going to stop counting, it just leads to more disappointment...I will continue reading others' experiences tho, it's somewhat comforting to know that others feel the same and I am not completely alone in this cycle of hell.
...usual feelings of guilt, shame, frustration etc...I am sick, tired and beyond bored of feeling this way...why o why then do I keep doing it! think I'm going to stop counting, it just leads to more disappointment...I will continue reading others' experiences tho, it's somewhat comforting to know that others feel the same and I am not completely alone in this cycle of hell.
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hey keen 
many of us have stumbled - changing our lives is hard.
Pick yourself up and start again
Honestly tho, I don't think it's the counting days that makes us slip tho - it's the decision to drink.
Count or don't count...it's the drinking thing that we need to focus on, and the reasons why.
what happened?
what do you think you can do differently this time?
D
many of us have stumbled - changing our lives is hard.
Pick yourself up and start again
Honestly tho, I don't think it's the counting days that makes us slip tho - it's the decision to drink.
Count or don't count...it's the drinking thing that we need to focus on, and the reasons why.
what happened?
what do you think you can do differently this time?
D
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Thanks Dee... I planned my day, took kids out, kept occupied...then came home and made the stupid decision to have a low a alcohol drink...say no more after that...not as bad as I could've gone in the past, but still disappointed with myself. I guess the answer is I didn't do anything different that day.
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It's the big lie we all fall for at one time or another Keen - 'one drink won't hurt'...
If you can learn the lesson here that it is always a lie for people like us, then maybe you can make today a turning point?
D
If you can learn the lesson here that it is always a lie for people like us, then maybe you can make today a turning point?
D
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You're right Dee and its a lesson I need to learn...get into my head when I reach for that bottle...I quit smoking when I was having my children for the sake of their health, so i must have an element of will power, I can't understand why I am unable to crack this habit.
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Originally Posted by keen2bclean 
I quit smoking when I was having my children for the sake of their health, so i must have an element of will power
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Thank you AW...perhaps smoking was easier to quit for me as it wasn't as much a 'mood altering drug' like alcohol is...thank you for the encouragement to try again, I will give it yet another shot...good luck with quitting smoking too, I had to stop going to pubs/bars (you could smoke in them back then) when I stopped as like you say a drink and cigarette go hand in hand...I stopped drinking then too when I was having my children...I guess the mistake I made was having alcohol in the house, because if I had to go to a bar to drink, I wouldn't.
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Honestly; reading and learning what I have so far here and books .. It isn't the alcohol in the house as much as PICKING up the alcohol that is in the house that gets us; at least me in trouble.. I never said anything early on cause I was still cautious and nervous here; but my first 70+ day stint at being sober I did it w\ a half full bottle of Raspberry Vodka in the freezer :p Not mine; My Ex's, hence I wouldn't drink it cause then I would have to "replace" it before she got home from Work .. But there were plenty of times that first time I thought about it .. If it was still here I know for a fact I would have drank it by now 
So I don't think it is being "in the house" that is the problem as much as it is our mindset and as you said will power. Stay strong Keep Posting; we all stumble ...
So I don't think it is being "in the house" that is the problem as much as it is our mindset and as you said will power. Stay strong Keep Posting; we all stumble ...
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Thank you AW ...what you say makes sense...and thinking about it now I would probably feel more panicked right now if there wasn't any in the house...the fact that its there is a weird kind of comfort ...like knowing I can if I want to, but just not now, not this minute...and I'll tell myself that the next time I feel the urge, not just this minute...this is such an all consuming habit...I'm sick and tired of it taking up so much energy and sick and tired of losing so many days to booze. I really admire the ones who have broken free, their lives seem so much happier/fuller.
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That is all you need to do; minute by minute .. Don't worry what's down the road at this point just focus on the moment .. As much as I can give this advice; I am struggling as we all are; but I just walked right past the packie getting cigs; and I WANTED to buy beers and shots bad; but I said NO not now ... Knowing full well I wanted walk down later & I won't today; so Yay small battle won .. That's all we gotta do; win the small battles daily Stay Strong.
Stay Strong.
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Hi Keen - I have found my own willpower to be of no use when it comes to alcohol. I have tremendous willpower in other areas of life, but because I am an alcoholic, I lose the fight with alcohol when I try to employ my own willpower. If you find you can get sober on your own power, by all means keep doing what works. But if you keep drinking when you don't want to, consider trying a new approach. For me it's AA and a Power other than me that keeps me sober today. It works because we eventually give up the fight, and although I never thought I would be "one of those people," I am gratefully and happily living sober today. Just know that you have options
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Hi Climber and thanks for your advice...I am going to go and read more about AA and what it involves...I saw a post on here earlier where someone mentioned the steps can be accessed online, that could be a starting point for me. It must be so nice waking up with a clear head after a full night of real sleep...no blank spots or shameful flashbacks....one day I hope that will be me too.
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For some people I think quiting cigarettes is easier than alcohol.
I know this was the case with me.I quit smoking back in 1993.Back then I was drinking in bar rooms(people still smoked in bars back then) and still managed to quit.
Didn't quit drinking till 2007 the first time.Made the mistake of trying to drink responsibly.A BIG no,no.
You'll kick this alcohol issue.Just keep working at it and stay focused.
I'm on lucky day number 13 and feeling petty good both mentaly and physically.
I know this was the case with me.I quit smoking back in 1993.Back then I was drinking in bar rooms(people still smoked in bars back then) and still managed to quit.
Didn't quit drinking till 2007 the first time.Made the mistake of trying to drink responsibly.A BIG no,no.
You'll kick this alcohol issue.Just keep working at it and stay focused.
I'm on lucky day number 13 and feeling petty good both mentaly and physically.
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I think I have to treat each day as a "Day 1". Counting for me (while of course it is in the back of my mind) i think just adds to the angst when I drink..
If I can just focus on today I seem to do better. BTW it IS day 2, and I am still rattled, but feeling alright. Have some difficult things to take care of today, but one thing at a time. Focus has always been hard for me.
If I can just focus on today I seem to do better. BTW it IS day 2, and I am still rattled, but feeling alright. Have some difficult things to take care of today, but one thing at a time. Focus has always been hard for me.
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Originally Posted by Pamel
Focus has always been hard for me.
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Yes Keen it is great to feel normal in the AM. I used to wake up and do a systems check: "What kind of hangover do I have? Nausea, headache, spins? All of the above? How's the anxiety? I wonder if I can make the morning commute without a panic attack...". It was exhausting and was turning hopeless! Sobriety is so much better. I handle tough days with God's grace and tools I learned in meetings at AA. We call it "living life on life's terms." We accept that sometimes life is hard, but that being drunk only makes it harder. There are tough days too when sober, and you may find cravings persist for a time. I know some folks who had the obsession removed right away, and others who struggled a lot before they were relieved of it. But the beauty is you are truly not alone anymore - it's a group that is full of people that totally understand where you are coming from. I hope you give it a go
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