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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Atlanta, GA
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I joined this forum this past Saturday. I woke up with an excruciating hangover – both emotional and physical – and thought to myself, “This is it. This ends now. You will kill yourself if you don’t stop.” I had drank myself oblivious every night of the preceding week. It was the culmination of a couple of years of escalating alcohol consumption, and maybe it was my proverbial rock bottom.
I had thought about joining AA previously, usually always after a night of bad decisions and regret. But, I just don’t know if AA is for me. Having been raised in a family of alcoholics, I have attended Al-Anon meetings in the past but for some reason the philosophy never rang true for me. I don’t begrudge anyone what they need to do to handle their addictions, but I can’t yet accept the idea that I am powerless. Maybe that is my ego still trying to assert itself, and maybe I will find myself joining AA in the future, but for now, I’m trying to do this without a 12 step program.
Nearly every male person in my family was/is an alcoholic – both grandfathers, father, stepfather, uncles and brother. Some are dead, some are still alive although “dry,” and some are still working the AA program. I had thought that somehow I had escaped the curse. Sure I had my college years of excessive drinking behind me, and I have had the occasional binge during my adult years, but I had usually been able to reign it in and resume normal social drinking. Although I had been previously able to call it a night after 2 or 3 beers, my recent history has seen me drinking to the point of blacking out. When I look back on it, I think of those spiral wishing wells where you launch a penny down the ramp and watch the penny would slowly circle toward the center gathering speed as it approached the bottom. By the time the penny drops out, you can’t even see it clearly anymore. I had numerous moments of thinking to myself that balance was tipping in the wrong direction. I even joked at one point that I was trying to outdo Keith Richards, but then my friends would assure me everything was fine, and I would be off and running again.
So, now, I am 4 days without a drink. It has been nice waking up the past few mornings not wondering how the hell I got home. The immediacy of the pain I felt Saturday morning is waning, but it is still there. I cringe when I think about it too long. I find myself crying at odd times. I confided in my fiancé that I have to stop, and he is supportive. I have not yet told many of my friends because they were my drinking buddies whom I only really talked to at the bar. I just want a few more alcohol-free days under my belt before I let them know. And, maybe my absence at the bar will give them an idea of what’s up.
So that’s it for now. I have been reading other posts here regularly the past few days and feel encouraged. I figured it was time I put it out there. Thanks for reading.
I had thought about joining AA previously, usually always after a night of bad decisions and regret. But, I just don’t know if AA is for me. Having been raised in a family of alcoholics, I have attended Al-Anon meetings in the past but for some reason the philosophy never rang true for me. I don’t begrudge anyone what they need to do to handle their addictions, but I can’t yet accept the idea that I am powerless. Maybe that is my ego still trying to assert itself, and maybe I will find myself joining AA in the future, but for now, I’m trying to do this without a 12 step program.
Nearly every male person in my family was/is an alcoholic – both grandfathers, father, stepfather, uncles and brother. Some are dead, some are still alive although “dry,” and some are still working the AA program. I had thought that somehow I had escaped the curse. Sure I had my college years of excessive drinking behind me, and I have had the occasional binge during my adult years, but I had usually been able to reign it in and resume normal social drinking. Although I had been previously able to call it a night after 2 or 3 beers, my recent history has seen me drinking to the point of blacking out. When I look back on it, I think of those spiral wishing wells where you launch a penny down the ramp and watch the penny would slowly circle toward the center gathering speed as it approached the bottom. By the time the penny drops out, you can’t even see it clearly anymore. I had numerous moments of thinking to myself that balance was tipping in the wrong direction. I even joked at one point that I was trying to outdo Keith Richards, but then my friends would assure me everything was fine, and I would be off and running again.
So, now, I am 4 days without a drink. It has been nice waking up the past few mornings not wondering how the hell I got home. The immediacy of the pain I felt Saturday morning is waning, but it is still there. I cringe when I think about it too long. I find myself crying at odd times. I confided in my fiancé that I have to stop, and he is supportive. I have not yet told many of my friends because they were my drinking buddies whom I only really talked to at the bar. I just want a few more alcohol-free days under my belt before I let them know. And, maybe my absence at the bar will give them an idea of what’s up.
So that’s it for now. I have been reading other posts here regularly the past few days and feel encouraged. I figured it was time I put it out there. Thanks for reading.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Ditto! Be proud of yourself - you've made a great decision and found a terrific place for support.
Until I found SR I felt all alone with the problem. Coming here was the best thing I could've done to help myself. I wasn't judged or criticized - I was made to feel like one of the family. You'll find many good suggestions and encouragement from people who truly understand. Congratulations on making the decision to stop. You sound positive and almost relieved to have reached this conclusion.
4 days without a drink - well done!
Until I found SR I felt all alone with the problem. Coming here was the best thing I could've done to help myself. I wasn't judged or criticized - I was made to feel like one of the family. You'll find many good suggestions and encouragement from people who truly understand. Congratulations on making the decision to stop. You sound positive and almost relieved to have reached this conclusion.
4 days without a drink - well done!
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Hello! I new also. I has had the week long hangover before, just laying there with every cell of body in agony, wondering why I stupid and if I gonna die. Is unbelievable that I manage to drink again after those. Is funny how I somehow find the perserverance and resilience to keep on drinking after such suffering, but can no find it when it come to quitting and taking care of self. Yes, I with you, is has to end now!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
and congrats on the 4 days! You've come to a great place. Wonderful, people who don't judge and are willing to help 24/7. No matter what path you take this is the best place to be.
There's a lot of information on traditional and non traditional programs. Some here use a combination of self help programs and this message board.
Any way you choose to go you've made a great decision!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Dittoditto 
I had thought about joining AA previously, usually always after a night of bad decisions and regret. But, I just don’t know if AA is for me. Having been raised in a family of alcoholics, I have attended Al-Anon meetings in the past but for some reason the philosophy never rang true for me.
Whatever you do, please don't do this on your own. There's a lot of help and support here and elsewhere.
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