I'm in trouble
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Welcome TKS this is a great site for support and there are many many varied threads, so you are bound to find people who share interests with you. The class of August 2013 thread is for folk giving up this month, so you will meet others going through the early days.
Keep working at your sobriety, and keep close to SR, you will find plenty of ways, methods and tools to aid your way. Good luck
Keep working at your sobriety, and keep close to SR, you will find plenty of ways, methods and tools to aid your way. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 327
Stuart, your story touched me. I saw a lot of my alcoholic life there...(going back out to the store to buy more booze...late night texts and phone calls that humiliated me in the morning when I realized what I had said and planning to go to AA or other healthy events that I would enjoy but drinking instead...and also the calling in sick to work so many times over my life that I have almost become unemployable). Your tales about falling down make me worry about my boyfriend who is also an alcoholic and falls a lot. He comes home with bruises and scrapes on his elbows and knees and even had a huge lump on his forehead he says he doesn't know where it came from..." Thanks for sharing your story and they tell me that it does get better if you don't take that first drink right now one second at a time, minute..hour and day...it really is a battle, but it's the only choice I have if I don't want to lose everything and be living on the street. Good luck to you mate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 175
Ok, it's 10am Sunday morning, and I just realised that, while I have said I would stay sober previously, this will be the first time I have had some support in doing so. I'm going for lunch today with my former partner, because I need to get out of my apartment. There will be no drinking, as it's a Lebanese place in a Muslim part of town, so booze is frowned upon. Very convenient, and it's my favourite eatery ! and then shall return home and do something constructive, and with purpose.
@Notmyrealnane: I really don't know what drives me to break my sobriety. This is concerning especially when I'm making an effort. It appears to be an instantaneous turnaround from thinking that I'll stay straight. There's a lot of justification that goes on when I walk up to there store, and I am entirely comfortable in breaking my word (to myself) because it's only going to be 'one bottle of wine'. As stated, though, it never is.
@Michael: Life of Pi raises an interesting scenario with regards to faith. I have often wondered why deity-based followers are so quick to reject other denominations. The exception being Islam, which quite proudly recognizes the character of Jesus as a prophet. I'm not so sure that Buddhist meditation is only about emptying the mind, and I suspect that there are several methods. The couple of times I was a part of guided practice, it was said that it was imperative to be aware. Regardless of method, assignment of practice by 'x' faith', I am wondering if at the core of it all, meditation is simply a tool in which to focus on a singular thing. Breathing, God, Life Force, call it what you will. Anyway, although I am inexperienced with such things, and definitely not a 'new age' type, I firmly believe that augmenting my recovery journey with meditation is going to be of great benefit.
@Hevyn: Thanks, and you're right It's been miserable.
@Mizzuno: Indeed, I do deserve to be healthy. Surprisingly, apart from be booze sickness, I rarely get ill. My lifestyle & diet are horrible, I don't exercise, apart from walking a lot, but I still hang in there. Perhaps the grog has been preserving my organs!
@tate: Yes, the calls & texts are embarrassing. The strange thing is that I don't feel anywhere near as lonely when I am sober. Take care of your fellah, sounds like he's in some trouble too.
Just a thought on injuries, after Tate's post. I'm actually very surprised that I haven't been beaten or bashed when I go out while being drunk. I know I often sound off to some fairly hard guys. Maybe I'm lucky that I'm tall, and apparently have an appearance that looks a bit unapproachable, that makes people think twice. I'm so lucky this has never happened, because I don't do the whole fighting bravado (I'm far from being a schoolboy!), and would come off fairly badly if something started.
Just putting some of my thoughts into words, hope that's OK for this thread.
@Notmyrealnane: I really don't know what drives me to break my sobriety. This is concerning especially when I'm making an effort. It appears to be an instantaneous turnaround from thinking that I'll stay straight. There's a lot of justification that goes on when I walk up to there store, and I am entirely comfortable in breaking my word (to myself) because it's only going to be 'one bottle of wine'. As stated, though, it never is.
@Michael: Life of Pi raises an interesting scenario with regards to faith. I have often wondered why deity-based followers are so quick to reject other denominations. The exception being Islam, which quite proudly recognizes the character of Jesus as a prophet. I'm not so sure that Buddhist meditation is only about emptying the mind, and I suspect that there are several methods. The couple of times I was a part of guided practice, it was said that it was imperative to be aware. Regardless of method, assignment of practice by 'x' faith', I am wondering if at the core of it all, meditation is simply a tool in which to focus on a singular thing. Breathing, God, Life Force, call it what you will. Anyway, although I am inexperienced with such things, and definitely not a 'new age' type, I firmly believe that augmenting my recovery journey with meditation is going to be of great benefit.
@Hevyn: Thanks, and you're right It's been miserable.
@Mizzuno: Indeed, I do deserve to be healthy. Surprisingly, apart from be booze sickness, I rarely get ill. My lifestyle & diet are horrible, I don't exercise, apart from walking a lot, but I still hang in there. Perhaps the grog has been preserving my organs!
@tate: Yes, the calls & texts are embarrassing. The strange thing is that I don't feel anywhere near as lonely when I am sober. Take care of your fellah, sounds like he's in some trouble too.
Just a thought on injuries, after Tate's post. I'm actually very surprised that I haven't been beaten or bashed when I go out while being drunk. I know I often sound off to some fairly hard guys. Maybe I'm lucky that I'm tall, and apparently have an appearance that looks a bit unapproachable, that makes people think twice. I'm so lucky this has never happened, because I don't do the whole fighting bravado (I'm far from being a schoolboy!), and would come off fairly badly if something started.
Just putting some of my thoughts into words, hope that's OK for this thread.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
TKS: That' quite a story you tell. It's a good sign that you can tell us that. And, in doing so you are also telling it to yourself. It's as if you are saying to yourself how self destructive you have been. And perhaps asking yourself, "Has all this drinking and other stuff led to happiness?" "Self medicating"? Medication usually means something like "curing", "healing". Has the self medication "cured', "healed" anything? Has it done anything other than brought relief from the unpleasant feelings which come from not taking the "medication"? These are questions you can ask yourself. And then reach out and talk to other persons in recovery. If AA is not comfortable for you try the SR link to "Secular Connections".
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Originally Posted by TKS 
Thanks Michael. It's 5pm Sunday, and I'm intending to be sober for the rest of the day. I'm *hoping* to be sober for the rest of my life. But honestly I am fearing the week ahead.
I'm glad you're going to check out AA. I'm not religious, don't really care for group activities, and don't really think of myself of the type to be sitting in a church basement talking about a Higher Power and holding hands and saying the serenity prayer. But guess what? I LOVE AA! I really do. It has kept me sober, and happily sober, for 11 months. So I'd say give it a chance, go in with an open mind,and see if any of it connects with you.
Best of luck, you can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 175
Thanks ! Yes, at the time of your post, it is 9:40AM Monday morning for me, and my second day of this commitment. I have awoken reasonably early, sent off some job applications, and plan to keep myself occupied with something productive.
The strange thing about committing to being sober is that I seem to be thinking about it constantly and obsessing over how easy it will be to fail. Probably not a healthy mindset, and I know I should instead be thinking about how much more I can feel better without being drunk or hungover.
The strange thing about committing to being sober is that I seem to be thinking about it constantly and obsessing over how easy it will be to fail. Probably not a healthy mindset, and I know I should instead be thinking about how much more I can feel better without being drunk or hungover.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Welcome TKS, and I'm glad you have joined our family here at SR.
Like you, I felt incredibly alone before I found this place and I always find inspiration and hope here.
I also thought about being sober constantly in the first week. But, I think you will find that you will gradually notice those obsessive thoughts lessening as you move through recovery. Keeping busy and sending out job applications is a great idea and another step forward. Good for you!
Like you, I felt incredibly alone before I found this place and I always find inspiration and hope here.
I also thought about being sober constantly in the first week. But, I think you will find that you will gradually notice those obsessive thoughts lessening as you move through recovery. Keeping busy and sending out job applications is a great idea and another step forward. Good for you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
TKS wrote: "The strange thing about committing to being sober is that I seem to be thinking about it constantly and obsessing over how easy it will be to fail. Probably not a healthy mindset, and I know I should instead be thinking about how much more I can feel better without being drunk or hungover."
Could it be that both things are true? That is that in this very early period of your recovery, it will be indeed very "easy" for you to fail in that your body, long accustomed to alcohol, has yet to change its chemistry and physiology back to a more "normal" state. In view of that there may be parts of your brain that are literally crying out for alcohol. Be aware of them, constantly on your guard. For more insight do a search on this SR website for AVRT and Rational Recovery. Look at the Secular Recovery forum on this SR website.
The second thing you say is also true in the sense that a good way to combat these toxic and negative aspects of the more primitive parts of your brain is to focus on the more creative and potentially more mature parts of your brain by using cognitive psychology, anticipating all the wonderful benefits and happiness that can come from sobriety. It's like watering and fertilizing a potentially beautiful plant or tree, something which, given care and love, will grow into a splendid and happy future for you.
So be very, very careful in this early period. "Watch your back" and don't let yourself be ambushed into a relapse. And nurture the higher and more hopeful parts of your brain. As the latter grows and recovers you will find it gets progressively easier. But the road is fraught with many traps and pitfalls. Keep in touch. Reach out to other recovering alcoholics. If you wish, try to focus on the aspects of AA which make you feel most comfortable and don't let yourself be spooked by what some call the "God Stuff."
W.
Could it be that both things are true? That is that in this very early period of your recovery, it will be indeed very "easy" for you to fail in that your body, long accustomed to alcohol, has yet to change its chemistry and physiology back to a more "normal" state. In view of that there may be parts of your brain that are literally crying out for alcohol. Be aware of them, constantly on your guard. For more insight do a search on this SR website for AVRT and Rational Recovery. Look at the Secular Recovery forum on this SR website.
The second thing you say is also true in the sense that a good way to combat these toxic and negative aspects of the more primitive parts of your brain is to focus on the more creative and potentially more mature parts of your brain by using cognitive psychology, anticipating all the wonderful benefits and happiness that can come from sobriety. It's like watering and fertilizing a potentially beautiful plant or tree, something which, given care and love, will grow into a splendid and happy future for you.
So be very, very careful in this early period. "Watch your back" and don't let yourself be ambushed into a relapse. And nurture the higher and more hopeful parts of your brain. As the latter grows and recovers you will find it gets progressively easier. But the road is fraught with many traps and pitfalls. Keep in touch. Reach out to other recovering alcoholics. If you wish, try to focus on the aspects of AA which make you feel most comfortable and don't let yourself be spooked by what some call the "God Stuff."
W.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
<<If you wish, try to focus on the aspects of AA which make you feel most comfortable and don't let yourself be spooked by what some call the "God Stuff." >>
Indeed. AA is not a religious program. it is a spiritual program, however. But it's a spiritual program designed around a God of your understanding. I combine my AA work with secular methods of recovery as well. Design your recovery as best it will work for you. Hope you are doing well today!
Indeed. AA is not a religious program. it is a spiritual program, however. But it's a spiritual program designed around a God of your understanding. I combine my AA work with secular methods of recovery as well. Design your recovery as best it will work for you. Hope you are doing well today!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I'm late to the welcome wagon but so very glad to see you have moved into sobriety : ) Appears to me your intellect and creativity quotient is on the high side. Noisy brain is often part of the equation. Gosh, imagine what that big brain can accomplish if it stays in the light : )
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 175
It's 2:30pm on day 4 and I still haven't had a drink. Feeling quite lost, and cannot find the motivation to do anything but wander around the house and smoke cigarettes. I'm worried about the next few days, but am trying to get in touch with an alternative (to AA) recovery group for Friday night.
. Keep coming back here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 130
Greetings TKS -
WELCOME to SR! I'm a newcomer too..
I can relate to what you're going through as my first few
days I felt completely idle. I was unsure what to do with myself
because my monkey brain was unhinged and I was still reeling from
the recent memories (and the uncertain parts due to a black out) which brought
on such intense waves of guilt, shame & anxiety, I thought my heart would explode
at times.
It was so bad, I nearly started drinking again to quiet the demons, but I am SO glad
I stuck to it because let me tell you, 30 days in, I feel like a new being. The shame &
guilt is (mostly) gone. Sometimes I still feel idle, but now I get proactive about how I can get myself out of that whirlpool and I reach for a book or check out a sobriety blog, or meditate or call a friend...
All the things that seem broken in your life right now will likely only continue to get worse
if you keep drinking, but the possibilities are endless for happiness, success and love in abundance if you abstain. loving yourself seems to be the secret in all of this, at least in my case.
I spent some time in Australia, nearly moved to Melbourne. My experience was that much of the culture revolves around drinking alcohol. I don't think I met a single sober person there. It sounds like you're on the right track by plugging into a support group. Good for you.
Congrats on day 4!! You can do this!
WELCOME to SR! I'm a newcomer too..
I can relate to what you're going through as my first few
days I felt completely idle. I was unsure what to do with myself
because my monkey brain was unhinged and I was still reeling from
the recent memories (and the uncertain parts due to a black out) which brought
on such intense waves of guilt, shame & anxiety, I thought my heart would explode
at times.
It was so bad, I nearly started drinking again to quiet the demons, but I am SO glad
I stuck to it because let me tell you, 30 days in, I feel like a new being. The shame &
guilt is (mostly) gone. Sometimes I still feel idle, but now I get proactive about how I can get myself out of that whirlpool and I reach for a book or check out a sobriety blog, or meditate or call a friend...
All the things that seem broken in your life right now will likely only continue to get worse
if you keep drinking, but the possibilities are endless for happiness, success and love in abundance if you abstain. loving yourself seems to be the secret in all of this, at least in my case.
I spent some time in Australia, nearly moved to Melbourne. My experience was that much of the culture revolves around drinking alcohol. I don't think I met a single sober person there. It sounds like you're on the right track by plugging into a support group. Good for you.
Congrats on day 4!! You can do this!
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