Need help but asking is hard
Paused
Join Date: May 2004
Location: my cloud called sobriety
Posts: 26
Busy,
I know asking for help is hard. I put it off and put it off. Mostly, I was just scared to admit to myself that I needed help; I was ashamed. I was your typical case. I would swear off drinking and it seemed the more adament I was about the promise to myself, the more devastating my fall would be.
I was reading this forum for awhile, but I still continued to drink. Finally I MADE myself go to a meeting---told myself I would just go sit through one (I had a real negative attitude towards "meetings".
That was one week ago. I have gone to a meeting every day since and let me tell you, though I'm petrified of failing, it is RELIEVING. I was so hopeless, so incredibly depressed and in just one week I feel so much better about my life. Like you said, I guess I have "hope". I also have the realization that these people were once big drunks like me and they now leave very productive happy lives.
I really really encourage you to seek help. You sound lonely (I was so incredibly lonely) and seeking help from other addicts seems to have made me feel so much less lonely in a very short amount of time.
You owe it to yourself to just do it.
I know asking for help is hard. I put it off and put it off. Mostly, I was just scared to admit to myself that I needed help; I was ashamed. I was your typical case. I would swear off drinking and it seemed the more adament I was about the promise to myself, the more devastating my fall would be.
I was reading this forum for awhile, but I still continued to drink. Finally I MADE myself go to a meeting---told myself I would just go sit through one (I had a real negative attitude towards "meetings".
That was one week ago. I have gone to a meeting every day since and let me tell you, though I'm petrified of failing, it is RELIEVING. I was so hopeless, so incredibly depressed and in just one week I feel so much better about my life. Like you said, I guess I have "hope". I also have the realization that these people were once big drunks like me and they now leave very productive happy lives.
I really really encourage you to seek help. You sound lonely (I was so incredibly lonely) and seeking help from other addicts seems to have made me feel so much less lonely in a very short amount of time.
You owe it to yourself to just do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: ont,canada
Posts: 30
Thanks for the support, it almost makes me feel better just reading.I know what you mean Rednose, the last year the trying to quit and failing has brought me to many low points.I told my counsellor once that i sometimes wish i would die and this would be over but i can't even do that for myself.Hence part of my problem getting to recovery is the fear of my family's reaction, i have told alot of lies and hide many things and i just don't know how they would deal.I know that if i hurt myself that they do love me and that would hurt them, i don't want to cause that.So here i am stuck, i know what i'm living isn't much of a life but my mind can't seem to picture anything else.The days i try and not drink i don't know what to do , i can't sit and i don't even feel comfortable.Yes i do know that is were meetings and the people at the meetings can help.I haven't drank today and the day is almost through i so need to get this right alot of things have been happening lately and i can feel things closing in and hiding all these lies might be out of my control soon anyways.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Busy
...snip. I haven't drank today and the day is almost through i so need to get this right alot of things have been happening lately and i can feel things closing in and hiding all these lies might be out of my control soon anyways.
knucklehead
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: earth
Posts: 694
Busy, i am so happy you have made it 1 more day sober. I did to. i will try to get some sleep soon even though sleep may be difficult for me. Today i still feel that any day sober is so much more rewarding then a day drinking. How can it not get better. Booze really causes so many problems. Today we are winners we get to go to sleep sober and wake up with out the so many kinds of problems that drinking can create for us. Good night.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
hi busy
alcoholic -mack here
i too was overwhelmed by all the messes i had made in my life- someone told me i needed a meeting. i didn't go. But the messes didn't go away either. They just stayed and got bigger.
someone else told me about a meeting. Didn't they understand? I had messes!!
i didn't go to that meeting either.
i waited til no one could see me. snuck into a meeting in a different town. danced around the program. finally ended up in rehab. 90 in90. haven't had a drink or drug in 8 years
mackat
alcoholic -mack here
i too was overwhelmed by all the messes i had made in my life- someone told me i needed a meeting. i didn't go. But the messes didn't go away either. They just stayed and got bigger.
someone else told me about a meeting. Didn't they understand? I had messes!!
i didn't go to that meeting either.
i waited til no one could see me. snuck into a meeting in a different town. danced around the program. finally ended up in rehab. 90 in90. haven't had a drink or drug in 8 years
mackat
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Busy, Welcome, You are in the right place. don't drink for 5 min. at a time. those 5 min. wil grow to 1 hour at a time to 1 day at a time. I am 34 myself, started going to meetings when I was 17, have stayed clean for a few years, went back out after 7 years and went back today I have just shy of 90 days clean. Just for today you never have to drink again. Just remember: Easy Does It.
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