LadyinBC

Maybe at the end of the day we are the normal ones. We have to clean house and deal with our baggage. We realize when recovering that life is precious and that material things aren't everything. There are lots of people who go thru life never doing this or don't know this until the very end of their lives. We have a head start on realizing that it is the little things that matter .

jnoob22

I am not a bible thumper and have difficulty praying (it's very unnatural at times) but AA has worked for me. I would suggest you get to a meeting -- almost certainly there is one near you. There you can talk with others who are going through the same things you are. Doesn't mean that you have to go along with their program but it will help keep you from drinking today which is the most important thing.

ippochick

i don't do god, or praying. i have tattoos on my feet, hands, arms and neck. and i'm a girl.

i'm also 34 days sober. it sounds to me like you are not ready to stop. take care, please. we'll still be here.

Fallow

I just want to be normal.

Most of my life my perception of normal consisted of what I thought other people were. What I thought they felt. How I felt they perceived me.

Constantly judging my insides by other peoples outsides. I could never be what I expected normal to be and I became uncomfortable in my own skin.

Today I want to be normal . But only based on what I expect of myself for myself.

SoberBella1

Teardrop we are here for you....you are not alone!!!!

OMG Fallow I felt exactly the same way...that is my life!!!

wiscsober

You have the decision one way or the other.

When I was using I really didn't have that choice.

Just for the moment pick up the phone and call a sober friend....make a committment to meet for coffee...after that if you still want to use....get back on SR and tell us how you stayed sober today...

OK? Pulling for you.

Just a guess but I don't think you wanting to drink is because you lack relgious beliefs.

Keep It Simple.

Sally3127

What everyone said. Make a decision. You can choose not to drink today. That is the decision I made for the next 24 hours. We are here for you.

teardrop

i felt good at 34 days sober too

ready i been trying for nearly 4 years

clearhead44

I think the same as you sometimes why can't I sit in the garden, the pub or elsewhere drinking like everyone else? I've started to see that these people only drink occasionally I've hammered it for years and sometimes it gets to me that I'm not the same as everyone else I've probably drank more in a year than they have their whole lives. You see them laughing and joking over a beer and you want in of course you do it's the social buzz but where these people have one or two then go home most of us can't and when we look again we've done our drinking for us normality has to be sobriety. Keep strong teardrop x

Nuudawn

Hi teardrop...really hope you're hanging in there. I'm with Scott on this one. Although I am a believer in a God of my definition, it is not a co dependent relationship. He is not in charge of my sobriety. I am. He gives me enough rope to either find my way...or hang myself. I am a co-creator with my God. So whether you are spiritual or not, you need to decide whether you want sobriety. It appears that not drinking is a severe deprivation to you..and that is unfortunate. I posted something to you yesterday as making your mind your HP... cuz really it's your SELF you gotta find and want it for. Do you really want to keep hiding in the dark? Sobriety ain't for sissies...you gotta want it and you gotta have a reason. My reason is I'm bloody tired of being absent in this world..in my world. I'm tired of hating and abusing myself...I'm not so bad..and neither are you! Give yourself a bloody chance here man. If you can't find a community out there in 3D land..well, this one suits me just fine! Stay here...keep posting..keep reading...people here care.

secretary

We aren't normal! We are now sober superhumans!

ippochick

teardrop, i'm so sorry - i hadn't read your previous thread and didn't realise you've been sober for a while.

hang in there, buddy.

deadlift

mate its the weather that's doing my head in, .watching all those people in the bl""y beer gardens isn't easy at the moment I just read the book "kick the drink easily"
its quite good and its purpose is not to say you cant have a beer but taking away the desire for it
might be worth a try
good luck

Peter G

Normal is boring. And it's a myth. The most normal people you know have skeletons rattling around somewhere just like we do.

So, you want to be normal? Congrats, you are. You can't drink. The 'normal' folks down the block can't eat Macdonalds, or stop cheating on their spouse, or maybe walk by a parking lot without counting all the red cars, or have a tuna salad without throwing it up quietly in the bathroom.

Teardrop, this too shall pass. Drink or not, it will pass. So instead of getting pi$$ed because you're not living some life-concept that exists only in a Norman Rockwell painting, how about just DON'T drink? Just wait out the time, because this ominous 'need' you're currently being consumed by will simply pass and your skin will stop crawling. You know it just as much as I do.

The feeling that you absolutely know 100% that a relapse is inevitable? It's gonna dissipate whether you are sober on the other side of it, or whether you're so sick you can't move from alcohol poisoning. Just knuckle through it even if it means locking yourself inside, and when the storm is over, look at your health and welfare and feel proud (and normal). I guarantee it's so much better down this road when you're thankful there's no DUIs to cry over, no dings in your car to repair, no relationship-ending drunk brawls, no money gone from your account that you'll never properly account for, no jail sentences, no liver failure, e.t.c...

As for prayer? Not necessary. The God of your understanding does not have to mean God at all. It's a concept, a commitment of faith, not necessarily an external source whatsoever. And besides that, there's plenty of us here praying for you by now, so there you go, you don't have to worry about it.

Just don't drink, and see how it goes. Give sobriety another week. Can?

Grungehead

When I drink alcohol I do stupid things, I say stupid things, I think stupid thoughts, and I make stupid decisions. The things I do when drinking are not normal and the way I think before I take a drink is not normal. I was born with an abnormal heart and I have had two open heart surgeries to correct problems with my heart. I wish I would have been born with a normal heart but it doesn't change the fact that I wasn't.

Now let's substitute my abnormal heart with a different condition...alcoholism. I can wish all I want that I was normal but it doesn't change the fact that I am an alcoholic. I have two options with my abnormal heart, surgery to repair it or death. Open heart surgery is very painful and the thought of having it was very frightening, but the other choice was not an option to me. If I didn't have surgery I would have gotten progressively sicker and eventually died.

I heard someone say yesterday that the alcoholic finds themselves in a dilemma.

When it comes down to it they only have two choices:

A) Alcoholic death

B) Change their mind

Yet when it comes to alcoholism I have had a hard time making that choice. That is the insanity of the disease. For some reason I can't wrap my brain around the concept that my alcohol problem will kill me just as surely as my heart problem will if either are left untreated. I have plenty of anecdotal evidence that alcohol can and will eventually kill me yet drinking still seems like a viable choice.

During my last period of drinking after several years of sobriety I went far enough down the hole to get a glimpse of what was waiting for me at the bottom, and it scared the **** out of me. I now know if I go to the bottom of that hole there is no coming back. I guess that's what it took for me, but now given the choice of dying an alcoholic death or becoming willing to "change my mind", I choose "B". I thoroughly believe now that if I continue to drink I will die, so I have no other option. There seem to be several "sub-categories" in option B to choose from, but there is no option "C".

BlueFrancis

I'm an atheist.

I strongly believe god doesn't exist.

Therefore, what difference does something I believe not to exist impact on me being sober?

Don't give up. Religion is irrelevant in sobriety.

deadlift

hope teardrop got thru it eh!

teardrop

yeah i got through it, i at last min of giving in put fuel in car took familly out to scarborough, a seaside town, 30 mile away, and had ice creams and burgers and pizza, and as a bonus there was a big car cruise meet on so lots of fancy cars to look at, i love cars.

cheers for all the advice guys and girls

ps what does DH and ds stand for

is it something to do with partener and children ?

GracieLou

I am glad you made it through another day! It sounds like you had a good time and your family did as well

I believe DH - Dear Husband. DS - Dear sister, Dear spouse..not sure there. I have neither so I don't know...lol

RachelNorth

Hi Teardrop. So good to read your last post. I am in Yorkshire Dales and struggling. To me this weather means sitting outside pubs (with the crucial other boozers) drinking. Don't want to go with friends, they only want one and then want a walk or a lot round the shops!!! But I always found other boozers who always said 'yes I'm staying for another'. They are all there now, today and I am watching Lewis from last night. Today is 4 weeks sober after lots of periods sober and lots of relapses. You are on this site cos you are not a normal drinker but you are a normal person.

Take care, get off the seaside again. Think I will get an ice cream later. Enjoying food again is one of the many reasons to stay sober. But yes it is hard. But I know when I get into bed tonight I will be happy to put another sober day under my belt. Its better this way, simple as that.