i don't know what to say at this point
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hey, I think many of us are the same at the beginning. We are all a little over-emotional and sensitive and it's easy to beat ourselves up about any perceived 'slight'. I hadn't thought about the 'thank you' count, but I did used to read and re-read people's posts and for every 100 positive comments, used to focus on the 1 negative that I thought I heard amongst them. That obviously set off my feelings of inadequacy and despondency.
I think part of growing is recognising the good in others. People take time to respond because they genuinely care. It's about looking for the positives rather than the negatives basically and that takes practice.
Wanting to be liked is such a basic need. I understand you because I was the same.
Give yourself time. Focus on the good stuff. You're doing great x
I think part of growing is recognising the good in others. People take time to respond because they genuinely care. It's about looking for the positives rather than the negatives basically and that takes practice.
Wanting to be liked is such a basic need. I understand you because I was the same.
Give yourself time. Focus on the good stuff. You're doing great x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 65
Those poor me's can lead to pour me another drink - I was told if I was looking for sympathy I would find it between **** and syphilis in the dictionary.
The only answer to 'why me' is 'why not you.' Now it's time to live in the solution
A new beginning.
The only answer to 'why me' is 'why not you.' Now it's time to live in the solution
A new beginning.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by rAAt 
Those poor me's can lead to pour me another drink - I was told if I was looking for sympathy I would find it between **** and syphilis in the dictionary.
The only answer to 'why me' is 'why not you.' Now it's time to live in the solution
A new beginning.
The only answer to 'why me' is 'why not you.' Now it's time to live in the solution
A new beginning.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Originally Posted by iwh
yeah Natty, i don't care about popularity, but don't want to be a ghost.
like hay balls and crickets chime in when i say something.
then i look at what i said and it's fine & intelligent and often clearly made a difference for the better.
people don't want to here me whine about this, but it's an issue, a dead horse now, and we move on. yay!
like hay balls and crickets chime in when i say something.
then i look at what i said and it's fine & intelligent and often clearly made a difference for the better.
people don't want to here me whine about this, but it's an issue, a dead horse now, and we move on. yay!
Thank you for sharing how you feel. That helps me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I think that your speaking up is great. I know that talking about things can really help a person out. I am sorry for your hurt in this situation. I have had my moments, and they have passed. I hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Pretoria, South Africa 🇿🇦
Posts: 4,004
Originally Posted by Dee74
A lot of us become so insular as drinkers it takes a while to remember what real human relationships are like, even on things like web forums
D
D
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
There are several things in my life where i make something and then cast it out , some things have wings others fall flat , either way the thing has a life of it's own once i put it out there .
I have a whole wall of cat paintings i did , a bit like a freaky acid version of louis wain , i can't sell them, even for less than the canvas their painted on , i've tried . Every morning when i wake up i have a wall of nice cats looking at me and it makes me smile . I don't look at them and see a failiure to sell them .
Your posts are out there , it might help one of the lurkers who can't thumb things , when i look there are about 4 times as many of them as people logged in .
Thumb or don't thumb , sometimes i'm just a dog in the night barking to frighten the cobblys away . Other people are out of my control with such stuff .
Bestwishes, m
I have a whole wall of cat paintings i did , a bit like a freaky acid version of louis wain , i can't sell them, even for less than the canvas their painted on , i've tried . Every morning when i wake up i have a wall of nice cats looking at me and it makes me smile . I don't look at them and see a failiure to sell them .
Your posts are out there , it might help one of the lurkers who can't thumb things , when i look there are about 4 times as many of them as people logged in .
Thumb or don't thumb , sometimes i'm just a dog in the night barking to frighten the cobblys away . Other people are out of my control with such stuff .
Bestwishes, m
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by Dee74
This is the second time this has come up this week.
I'd hate anyone to take it personally when I don't 'thank' them - but seriously - I read *hundreds* of posts a day...I simply can't thank each one...
and I'll reckon I'll be thanking less and less as the site gets bigger and bigger.
Rest assured tho - I value the time and effort that every one puts in here
D
I'd hate anyone to take it personally when I don't 'thank' them - but seriously - I read *hundreds* of posts a day...I simply can't thank each one...
and I'll reckon I'll be thanking less and less as the site gets bigger and bigger.
Rest assured tho - I value the time and effort that every one puts in here
D
I was complaining/whining/moaning about this very thing to a friend of mine. I "knew" I was being "irrational" but I couldn't help how I felt. I had made a very emotional, heartfelt post that had zero response of any kind. Meanwhile, I had been having great posts/interactions with other posters, people actually asked for my thoughts on things, saying thank you and yet I had to focus on the one--and only--post that had no responses. Aarrgghh!
I've had this feeling in the past, too, upset at no responses or thank yous. I know it's part of my deepseated rejection/abandonment issues and my negative thinking, stuff I am continuing to work on and will work on for the rest of my life. Mostly I can keep it in perspective and in balance but some days, well some days I'm going for the full on "poor mes" and I just have to accept it.
What's really cool, the Universe's sense of humor or whatever, I finally got one response to my unanswered post and it just melted my heart. (By then I had more perspective, too.)
I respond when I can (of course not assuming my posts are worth reading, lol!) but sometimes my brain is just flat, empty, I feel I have nothing useful to offer. I often hit the thank you, though, so a poster will know that someone else is there, cares, acknowledges them.
Thanks for being brave enough to raise this topic iwh!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
My reason for posting replies is to maybe say something that can help someone new or old seeking sobriety. I over the years chaired a few hundred of our groups beginners meetings, spoke at many OS meetings and rehab centers. My reward was when someone , male or female, came to me afterwards and said "you said what I needed to hear." The thing is no one ever said what it was.
After so many years in AA and seeing all the causalities of alcoholism I'm not soft and cuddly and at times I feel my 2X4 isn't large enough to get attention. I know it isn't as simple as "don't pick up the first drink and go to meetings" Remember that a newcomer in most cases doesn't have a clue as to what's going on here, AA or in their head. They would most likely run in horrors if they were told the main problem is miss handled feeling during their drinking years. BE WELL
After so many years in AA and seeing all the causalities of alcoholism I'm not soft and cuddly and at times I feel my 2X4 isn't large enough to get attention. I know it isn't as simple as "don't pick up the first drink and go to meetings" Remember that a newcomer in most cases doesn't have a clue as to what's going on here, AA or in their head. They would most likely run in horrors if they were told the main problem is miss handled feeling during their drinking years. BE WELL
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
And, most of you guys know, I come here every day and read a lot of posts. I do a lot of stuff behind the scenes and don't have as much time as I'd like to thank everyone. Plus I have a day job.
My advice, as part of your recovery, don't bother reading who is thanking you or not. Read the posts that are offered and decide yourself what part of the posts, if any, you will incorporate into your recovery tools.
My advice, as part of your recovery, don't bother reading who is thanking you or not. Read the posts that are offered and decide yourself what part of the posts, if any, you will incorporate into your recovery tools.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
You can't "thank" a post if you aren't logged in. Your posts are being read by many lurkers/non-members. Imagine all the people you are helping!
Edit - I finished writing this post and then I checked the log. Right now there are 15 members in here, and 26 guests.
Edit - I finished writing this post and then I checked the log. Right now there are 15 members in here, and 26 guests.
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Better to get replies, no? Takes one click to 'thank' a post. Takes time, caring and courage to offer up advice or speak up, y'know.
Often I thank instead of posting, either to show I'm listening or 'cause someone's already said what I would have.
Anyhow, take it easy, iwh. I've not been about too much recently, but hopefully see you around.
Often I thank instead of posting, either to show I'm listening or 'cause someone's already said what I would have.
Anyhow, take it easy, iwh. I've not been about too much recently, but hopefully see you around.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
There are a few easy-to-spot issues I can see right away.
1. Your username is "iwh". Not the most inspiring handle. Looks like you just wrote down your initials and didn't even care enough to capitalize them.
2. You also have no profile picture. It appears you do not care enough to even select a stock image, or that you don't know how. This does not breed confidence with your followers.
3. Your original post is all spaced out. No paragraphs, just random thoughts and double-spaces. Again it appears that you did not care too much about formatting the post for your readers.
This is the internet. People are drawn to others who put a little bit of work and have created a thought-out persona. In order to compete for attention online, you have to individualize yourself. And at least make it appear to others that you give a damn. Creating a solid profile online is just as important as combing your hair and taking a shower in the real world. It will garner more visibility and respect from other posters. Good luck.
1. Your username is "iwh". Not the most inspiring handle. Looks like you just wrote down your initials and didn't even care enough to capitalize them.
2. You also have no profile picture. It appears you do not care enough to even select a stock image, or that you don't know how. This does not breed confidence with your followers.
3. Your original post is all spaced out. No paragraphs, just random thoughts and double-spaces. Again it appears that you did not care too much about formatting the post for your readers.
This is the internet. People are drawn to others who put a little bit of work and have created a thought-out persona. In order to compete for attention online, you have to individualize yourself. And at least make it appear to others that you give a damn. Creating a solid profile online is just as important as combing your hair and taking a shower in the real world. It will garner more visibility and respect from other posters. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
There are a few easy-to-spot issues I can see right away.
1. Your username is "iwh". Not the most inspiring handle. Looks like you just wrote down your initials and didn't even care enough to capitalize them.
2. You also have no profile picture. It appears you do not care enough to even select a stock image, or that you don't know how. This does not breed confidence with your followers.
3. Your original post is all spaced out. No paragraphs, just random thoughts and double-spaces. Again it appears that you did not care too much about formatting the post for your readers.
This is the internet. People are drawn to others who put a little bit of work and have created a thought-out persona. In order to compete for attention online, you have to individualize yourself. And at least make it appear to others that you give a damn. Creating a solid profile online is just as important as combing your hair and taking a shower in the real world. It will garner more visibility and respect from other posters. Good luck.
1. Your username is "iwh". Not the most inspiring handle. Looks like you just wrote down your initials and didn't even care enough to capitalize them.
2. You also have no profile picture. It appears you do not care enough to even select a stock image, or that you don't know how. This does not breed confidence with your followers.
3. Your original post is all spaced out. No paragraphs, just random thoughts and double-spaces. Again it appears that you did not care too much about formatting the post for your readers.
This is the internet. People are drawn to others who put a little bit of work and have created a thought-out persona. In order to compete for attention online, you have to individualize yourself. And at least make it appear to others that you give a damn. Creating a solid profile online is just as important as combing your hair and taking a shower in the real world. It will garner more visibility and respect from other posters. Good luck.
iwh is fine. Do we not all to an extent shorten names anyway, for instance MTN? If iwh had called him/herself iwanthorseradish the majority would reply with iwh.
Someone who is letting everything out should not have to be thinking about their formatting to please the reader, not everybody even knows what formatting or paragraphs are.
As for visibility and respect from other posters... I like to think I treat all the same regardless of the above points.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I don't think this is the issue at all. I have no picture and feel very well read and cared for by my friends here on SR.
iwh is fine. Do we not all to an extent shorten names anyway, for instance MTN? If iwh had called him/herself iwanthorseradish the majority would reply with iwh.
Someone who is letting everything out should not have to be thinking about their formatting to please the reader, not everybody even knows what formatting or paragraphs are.
As for visibility and respect from other posters... I like to think I treat all the same regardless of the above points.
iwh is fine. Do we not all to an extent shorten names anyway, for instance MTN? If iwh had called him/herself iwanthorseradish the majority would reply with iwh.
Someone who is letting everything out should not have to be thinking about their formatting to please the reader, not everybody even knows what formatting or paragraphs are.
As for visibility and respect from other posters... I like to think I treat all the same regardless of the above points.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Hey there. I was just trying to help. This poster seems to have given some good advice, and is frustrated by not getting responses or thank yous. I was giving some practical tips. Nothing more nothing less. Maybe it'll help, maybe not. I decided not to empathize with iwh, but to give tech advice. The great thing about this forum is that he/she will get plenty of both.
It's not like that. Me personally, I'm a terrible one for reading, not giving thanks and reading on - it's nothing personal and nothing to do the aforementioned.
I suppose forum 'presence' is difficult and I'm not sure how it is achieved other than keep posting. I'm sure iwh has some forum presence now anyway and was brave for speaking up, good on them
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by iwh
to be honest, i have not been coming on here more recently because things are going great.
i'm noticing though, that i barely get any 'thank you's for any of my comments.
i don't know what i'm supposed to learn from that.
i've clearly seen where i've helped steer people in better directions and said intelligent things and people will not hit the 'thank you' button for me and then someone else rolls in and gets like five billion thank yous.
now that i've brought it up though, every 'thank you' after will seem like a lie.
i have to think it's a popularity contest and want little part of that.
i realize this is not a big issue, but everytime on come on here, it's there for me.
when i come here or go to meetings i learn, in my own way, from what people say and appreciate them saying it and think this is a big part of recovery, so why this is troubling for me.
i don't know. i'm presenting a lose-lose situation and that's awful for me.
i know it's my nature to be the black sheep, but i figure this place would be full of enough of them to have a flock.
i don't know. i feel like if i say the sky is blue here when it is, i get ignored unless i use recovery language that i don't know and for many reasons may never use.
it is difficult to be in this position and very hard to believe no one else is.
sorry.
i'll be working on becoming more healthy and see where things go from there.
i know i just blew it for myself, but maybe helped some one else.
i will have to keep on and shrug it off. loving you all makes me feel better and i do.
i'm noticing though, that i barely get any 'thank you's for any of my comments.
i don't know what i'm supposed to learn from that.
i've clearly seen where i've helped steer people in better directions and said intelligent things and people will not hit the 'thank you' button for me and then someone else rolls in and gets like five billion thank yous.
now that i've brought it up though, every 'thank you' after will seem like a lie.
i have to think it's a popularity contest and want little part of that.
i realize this is not a big issue, but everytime on come on here, it's there for me.
when i come here or go to meetings i learn, in my own way, from what people say and appreciate them saying it and think this is a big part of recovery, so why this is troubling for me.
i don't know. i'm presenting a lose-lose situation and that's awful for me.
i know it's my nature to be the black sheep, but i figure this place would be full of enough of them to have a flock.
i don't know. i feel like if i say the sky is blue here when it is, i get ignored unless i use recovery language that i don't know and for many reasons may never use.
it is difficult to be in this position and very hard to believe no one else is.
sorry.
i'll be working on becoming more healthy and see where things go from there.
i know i just blew it for myself, but maybe helped some one else.
i will have to keep on and shrug it off. loving you all makes me feel better and i do.
maybe you want to try the chat area for more responses. the Newcomers section moves fast and threads move down the line if they don't get a lot of responses.
The F&Family area is a place where I tread lightly, although they are very welcoming to me...(useful as the X had his own issues)
I never worried about whether people thank me, but I am grateful to be able to post my thoughts and read any responses, it's a helpful tool.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
Point taken and I agree with trying to give help, but to me (and maybe only me) it makes the forum sound a bit cliquey... you're only going to get thanks if recognised by name, picture and style...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
