sicknote

Hello,

Can anyone out there help me?

I've been to a few meetings.

I'm quite sure I'm an alcoholic.

However, I'm really embarrassed about the amount I actually drink. I drink two or three nights a week. That is all. I'll drink either, 8 cans of kronenberg, or two bottles of rosé wine, and i wont eat. This is a typical normal week for me. Sometimes I'll go beyond that and top up with anything else I can find, or add extra days. I'm small and weigh about 8 stone. The problem I've got is I've drank for years, but is its making me very very sick now. It never used to. But booze is how I deal with life. So I realize I need help. I can't stop on my own. I have a malformed social etiquette gland, and a natural deficiency in moral fiber.

But, I can't find anyone else that drinks like me. Everyone at the meetings so far drank all day everyday and ended up in recovery. Where as I've been functioning ok other than my need for booze on particular days. It makes me feel like a fake or a fraud or like I don't belong in the meetings, when I do so desperately want to stop drinking.

I'm 33 now. So I'm not young, but not old either, and the meetings round here are filled with retired people. So I kind of feel like I can either carry on trying to drink, or hang out with old folk. Either way that just sounds like death to me. And I want to stop drinking because I want a proper life!

Everyone's very nice and says just keep coming back, but I'm so shy I've forgotten how to talk. And even if I do open my mouth, I can't bring myself to insult these nice people by saying, "is this it? Old people moaning about the weather? Seriously? How the **** is that going to keep me sober?". I went into a bigger town the other day, just to see if everywhere was the same, and I couldn't believe there was younger people there! But its a good distance from me. I felt gutted that people are out there that might be able to help me.

I can't find a sponsor. I really want one tho. I don't talk much, and people there aren't talking to me much. I don't know how to share because I don't know what I'm supposed to say and the times I've tried I haven't been able to stop shaking.

I feel horrible. People float out of meetings on a golden chariot of sobriety, happy, joyous and content waving a beacon of hope. I walk out as I came in, miserable, unhappy, upset, lonely, confused, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed and angry.

I don't know what do do. I can't stop thinking and drinking. I'm seriously considering trying to move to a bigger area which has more AA support.

Does anyone have and advice suggestions or see any similarities?

Thanks,
Sicknote

whiskeyman

in fact so similiar to me. Everybit of it.

My suggestion: Go to any lengths to conquer alcohol.
How far is your other meeting. I drive three to four times a week 1 hour to get to my meeting. there is one a couple blocks from my house but i chose to go further.
I need to do whatever it takes.

make a commitment and you will be sober.

Carlotta

It's not what, when, how much and how often you drink, it's how it affects you.
I am also a "light weigh" and some would even say I am not a "real" alcoholic but like you I have a screwed up dysfunctional relationship with alcohol. I am an alcoholic.
Don't feel like a fake, try going to different meetings and try to identify with people's feelings and not compare.

Nonsensical

Yes you can. You just haven't yet.

There are alternatives to AA. Nothing wrong with going that route if that's what suits you, just wanted you to be aware there are other ways members here are using to sucessfully stay sober. You can read about them on the vartious forums here.

Best of Luck on this journey.

Nuudawn

Alcohol abuse is simply that. Drinking large amounts to escape and not deal is abuse. Heck, I'm so far leaning the other way that I'm about thinking injesting one hit of poison is self abuse (yes, I realize that's starting to sound like a zealot..but it does give me pause).

Drive further for another meeting..or is it possible to speak to a counsellor specializing in addiction? If you are afraid of speaking in front of a big group perhaps some one on one would be a better choice. My counsellor is a God-send.

Carlotta

I completely forgot my manners btw
to SR
You might want to join the class of July, you will get a lot of support from your peers who quit drinking at the same time you did
I hope you will join us too at the 24 hours club http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-winners.html

Some groups have like "sompetitions" to see who was the baddest of the bad, the drunkest of the drunk, the lowest of the low LOL try to attend solution oriented meetings instead of those which are heavy into drunkologues.
I like my home group because it s solution oriented rather than 'bad ass" oriented. I have been to some meetings where it sounded like everyone was an Original Gangsta or Al Capone. Entertaining but not very conducive to my personal recovery.
I also use AVRT in addition to AA and started going to a weekly meeting of Women For Sobriety since my women s AA meeting folded (I like to do one women s meeting a week). I really liked it and they absolutely do not engage in drunkologues. It s about self esteem and empowerment.
I am not sure if they have WFS in England but try to find an AA women's group. Women don't get into drunkologues, it's kind of a silly macho thing.

least

to the site! There are many ways to stay sober. I visit this site daily and see a counselor also. It's worked for me for over three years now.

sicknote

Thank you everyone of your advice! I'm going to try to keep positive while I try to figure things out.

Dee74

Hi Sicknote

I guarantee you'll find people here with very similar stories and feelings to your own.

Alcoholism's not actually about volume, it's about effect IMO - if you think you have a problem, then you have a problem and it's right you should want to fix it

Welcome to SR

D