Accountablity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 43
Accountablity
So, I have been killing myself trying to do the harm reduction method and all I get is bottomless guilt over not being able to commit to myself. I don't have some one in my life that I either trust enough, or can be objective enough to help me through this bump (more like Mountain) I have been able to quit with out problem in the past. For both my pregnancies and whenever I start new medication, whether it be the anti-anxiety meds or fish oil (simply because I am acutely aware that ETOH can affect anything and everything) This time it has been IMPOSSIBLE for me. I have a great job that I am very successful in and my children are the coolest. I don't have a drop until they are fast asleep because if anything happened where I would need to drive them somewhere I would never forgive myself if I couldn't do that. So then that leaves me a few hours and I am not able to have just one (one six pack maybe) I only buy six packs at a time because I know if I had more, I would drink it all. I am just ready to stop living in the shadows of myself, lying about being able to have just one and cleaning up the next day so there is no evidence. I now know, after try the reduction, that I need to be held accountable and I feel (and hope that if I make myself post as much as I can that I will have a glimmer of a hope) I have one day under my belt, and its not so much that I get withdrawl (I rarely ever get hangovers actually) it's something I haven't figured out yet, why I can't get past day 3. Bordem, stress, I hope when I figure that out I will be able to break the cycle. Any words of wisdom would be more appreciated than you could know.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR! 
The best way (the ONLY way) to break the cycle is to stop drinking. Period. I waited for a long time for the lightening bolt to come that would take away my desire to drink. It never came. Not drinking is the only way, even when you have that little voice in your head saying, "just one more night....quit on Monday...just have 3 tonight, you can have 3...be more careful, you weren't careful last time, be careful this time...".
Plan to not drink. Plan to do something else, and then follow through. Break the cycle. You can do this!
Originally Posted by MindlessSmarts 
I haven't figured out yet, why I can't get past day 3. Bordem, stress, I hope when I figure that out I will be able to break the cycle. Any words of wisdom would be more appreciated than you could know.
Plan to not drink. Plan to do something else, and then follow through. Break the cycle. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 43
Thank you so much for the encouragement. My biggest hurdle is the "what to do when I am not drinking" I have no problem going to bed as soon as the kids are sleeping, I can sleep at the drop of a hat, but then nothing gets done around the house. I just don't want to wake up one day and my life has gone by and I don't remember any of it and my family has distanced them selves because of my selfishness. I feel like I have been selfish, 'oh I worked so hard, I can have a couple," or I am to young I have my whole life so I need to learn how to drink moderately" FALSE. I need to get it through my head that I will never be a social drinker. Maybe I should be a nuerotic cleaner. Acomplish something that benefits not just me! One day at a time right!?!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome MS. You said you only drink late at night after everyone is in bed right? So you know your pattern. Find something else to do during those times - read, clean, watch a movie, come here on SR and post, etc. Simply trying to "not drink" is generally a recipe for failure eventually.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Yes, Scott is right. Stopping drinking (completely) is the first step, but there needs to be much more. What would you enjoy doing in the evenings? I started taking long walks and I began to read again. Try to find some positive things to do in the evenings.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Welcome MLS - I too am on Day 2. I tried the moderating thing and it didn't work. I can understand that you want something to help you unwind after a long, hard day and alcohol certainly does the trick - but oh, the consequences.
Maybe you can take up some kind of hobby, such as painting. It doesn't matter if you're good at it, but painting can be very enjoyable and it's not noisy (messy maybe). You can pick up inexpensive paints, brushes and canvasses at dollar stores - give it a whirl and maybe you'll surprise yourself.
Genie
Maybe you can take up some kind of hobby, such as painting. It doesn't matter if you're good at it, but painting can be very enjoyable and it's not noisy (messy maybe). You can pick up inexpensive paints, brushes and canvasses at dollar stores - give it a whirl and maybe you'll surprise yourself.
Genie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 43
Yeah, moderation is NOT the answer for me. I know that now. I am definately going to do something productive with my time tonight and see how it goes. We all deserve the satisfaction knowing we are strong and nothing is put into our lives that we cannot handle, we just think we can't. I have 2 excellent reasons to be a strong person, I feel bad that that hasn't been enough just yet but I know someday down the road that it will be.
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