Accountablity
So, I have been killing myself trying to do the harm reduction method and all I get is bottomless guilt over not being able to commit to myself. I don't have some one in my life that I either trust enough, or can be objective enough to help me through this bump (more like Mountain) I have been able to quit with out problem in the past. For both my pregnancies and whenever I start new medication, whether it be the anti-anxiety meds or fish oil (simply because I am acutely aware that ETOH can affect anything and everything) This time it has been IMPOSSIBLE for me. I have a great job that I am very successful in and my children are the coolest. I don't have a drop until they are fast asleep because if anything happened where I would need to drive them somewhere I would never forgive myself if I couldn't do that. So then that leaves me a few hours and I am not able to have just one (one six pack maybe) I only buy six packs at a time because I know if I had more, I would drink it all. I am just ready to stop living in the shadows of myself, lying about being able to have just one and cleaning up the next day so there is no evidence. I now know, after try the reduction, that I need to be held accountable and I feel (and hope that if I make myself post as much as I can that I will have a glimmer of a hope) I have one day under my belt, and its not so much that I get withdrawl (I rarely ever get hangovers actually) it's something I haven't figured out yet, why I can't get past day 3. Bordem, stress, I hope when I figure that out I will be able to break the cycle. Any words of wisdom would be more appreciated than you could know.