RJY9

Ok so i have had 6 cans today and said i wasnt going to. All of this based on that one silly glass of wine on Friday. Ended up getting pretty wasted on Friday and did the usual, talked about things i shouldnt have, probablly offended a few people, chatted to real nasty people who i wouldnt never usually asscoiate with ever! Took drugs (which seems to be a common thing with me nowa days when my alcohol levels hit a certain level), felt **** and now driking again. I am going to keep coming back on here because it gives me a huge comfort and im glad i found this site. Ive tried AA but i cannot stand being there its just not for me. I'm going to really try to just drink on weekends so after today my next day drinking will be next Friday. I did 17 days so im parying i can make it till next Fri even tho i only made it to Sunday from drinking Friday! Scary stuff the alcohol is. Its a real pain in the ass!!

Crossfitdad

Why put yourself through that misery? I thought the same thing about only on weekends, but if I want a beer I'm gonna take a beer...not just on designated days. That sounded like too much waiting for the weekend not living in the now. I think I'm better just going sober.

ReadyAtLast

I always tried to moderate and control.If I managed to not drink Monday to Thursday I was so pleased and proud of myself,knowing I couldn't possibly have a problem..........

I realized I did have a problemmcounting the days till my next drink, ensuring I drank heavily and partied hard precisely because it would be a few days till my next drink.

It's pure torture,planning, plotting,trying to control,counting days and drinks,a prison. Abstinence has given me a freedom I never knew could be possible.

When you get to the point of trying to control the drink it is already in control of you

Soberpotamus

I'm afraid it'll only go downhill from here. With most people, it's progressive. It's not going to get better, not going to be manageable, and moderation isn't going to happen. Not for the majority of people anyway.

If you think alcohol is "scary stuff" that should be a really big clue for you that you might not need to keep drinking.

mecanix

Hey RJY9 ,

Drinking when we don't want to is the pit's , my life went way out of control .
I hope you get yourself together and try again .

For me not drinking was the first thing i had to do, learning how to live and deal with stuff sober was and still is the second bit .

Bestwishes, m

visch1

Hi. All the above sounds to us when we are drinking great sane genius rationalization. It's our choice to be insane and drink to that. MAYBE some say before we get a wet brain or some alcohol induced fatal malady we get off the elevator and survive. Harsh I know but the truth. Many find their way a total failure and if their lucky surrender and get honest with themself

RJY9

I dont think i could ever be without drinking totally. I have to many good times and plus i really enjoy it and its the only time me and my best pals all get together and have a right old laugh! I'm so dull and feel so un enthusiastic when im stone cold sober. I know i can give up because i did 69 days last year and 17 days this year and had hardly any bad withdrawls apert from craving sweets and fizzy drinks. I know i drink to much but im going to really try and find a balance and if i cant then i will have to quit for good i guess. For my health if anything.

DisplacedGRITS

so, in other words, you don't want to get sober. so what exactly are you doing here?

RJY9

Guess its part of my journey. I never said i didnt want get sober, i am just being true to how i'm feeling right now as its all early days right now. I guess im trying to find what will work for me and came here for support, not to get questioned about why im here. I would of thought that was obvious.

visch1

So he can get to recognize, identify insanity. BE WELL

DisplacedGRITS

so how do these thoughts work together? if you don't think you can totally go without drinking, then you don't want to get sober. i mean, you can go ahead and try drinking moderately if you want and see how that works for you. the thing is, i don't think you're in the right place to learn moderate drinking. the vast majority of people in recovery here believe in abstinence. i'm not sure if there's a forum here for controlled drinking but if there is, perhaps that's where you want to be. i'm just sayin'.

dwelling on the "good times" we had with alcohol isn't going to help you, early days of recovery or later on. if you're having this euphoric recall, perhaps making a list of why you want to stay sober will help. i've made a list of the pros and cons of my drinking and i found there to be a heck of a lot more cons than pros. it helped me concentrate on why i was doing what i was doing. don't get lost in the nostalgia of drinking. it's a dangerous frame of mind to be in.

ippochick

it's always going to be 'early days' though, isn't it? be kind to yourself and think this through tomorrow with a clear head. nobody is judging, we just want to help you find your way to sobriety.

but i guess you're right. if you're enjoying it today why not. hang onto that thought in a couple of weeks/months when you're at the bottom and can't see a way out.

we'll still be here.

Nuudawn

You want to moderate...because you are addicted..it is your lover, your best friend, your whole life...and you can't imagine life without alcohol in it..because your life revolves around alcohol....you are trying to make deals...ANYTHING to keep your precious poison in your world...
It is the epitome of addiction...
God bless...

Carlotta

Good luck moderating. If a glass of wine on Friday gets you to drink a 6 pack today even though you did not want to, chances are your week end drinking will start expanding into the week. Well, you know where we are at
Just don't drink and drive please.

LadyBlue0527

RJY9,

Hello there, I'm LadyBlue, 4th time moderator, self professed weekend only drinker! Yup, yup, yup, and if I misbehaved and had more than I was supposed to and became an ass that was going to be it. No more, nada. You would think that my knowledge of that fact would have kept me in check. Nope, start that buzz and that whole theory went out the window. There is no way to moderate and control this. Not even the threat abstinence.

You said it best at the end. Alcohol is a real pain in the ass. In three months you can either be still dealing with this and doing the moderation thing knowing it doesn't work. Waking up remorseful and embarrassed about the asinine things that you've done. Or, you can make the decision to just do it and wake up every morning knowing exactly what you did and feeling good about yourself.

You can do this.

Mizzuno

We may just rub off on you, and abstaining may be your mission after awhile. You do not have to be sober to be apart of the community, however we have no reason to condone moderation. It never worked for any of us. We are all trying to remain sober through the support and guidance of one another. Please keep posting, and thinking it through. Many individuals have fallen off the wagon and this place has been very helpful for them to gain a better understanding of their substance abuse issues.

cheapredwino

I feel pretty dull and unenthusiastic when I'm sober too, and while I feel cool and exciting when I drink, in reality I'm just a red-eyed middle-aged fool. If you're seeking a relationship, any person worth being with is going to prefer the sober you over the drunk you, no matter how dull you perceive yourself to be.

ReadyAtLast

One of the best things I've ever read on SR
Thanks Ladyblue

aw58

I totally agree with the above as this is how I felt this afternoon, I was fighting with myself all afternoon, making excuses why I should go to the shop, it went over and over in my head, I thought I will start tomorrow , and then I thought but we are going to a family party next Saturday so I will start after that , then I remembered in two weeks we have guests, the list of reasons to carry on drinking the poison is endless, yes its poison and a clever one at that , it starts off by tricking your brain, you are in control but like any addiction it takes over , you gave in because its a very powerful drug and it likes to win. You are kidding yourself its fine to drink , its fine to have a few because you like it, no you think you like it but its the addiction that has taken over your life.
I found this afternoon so hard, but I didn't go to the shop because tomorrow I want to say its day 4 of AF . I wanted to drive to work rather then the bus, I wanted my heart to be beating at the normal speed not at 100 beats a minute I don't want to waste another day feeling ill..

RJY9

Thanks you lot. I will take on board your words.