Are alcoholics jealous of those who can drink in moderation?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
No I am not jealous. It is what it is and I am a non drinker these days. I never liked drinking in the first place (I don't really like the taste of alcohol). I drank to self medicate and take away my physical and mental pain, to stop feeling and hurting.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
doesn't bother me
Originally Posted by Crossfitdad 
I wonder if some alcoholics are jealous of those who can drink in moderation and would rather see no one else drink since we can't.
doesn't bother me a bit
that my wife can have a small glass of wine on most evenings
and
I really don't care too much about any others drinking habits
just for me
I know where it has taken me thousands of times
right next to hell
I have escaped from that place and don't wish to go back
when I die and go to meet my maker
I do not wish to show up drunk for the special event
Freedom--May--2012
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: So Cal
Posts: 38
I was very jealous at first...I needed to wrap my head around the idea of never drinking again without a bunch of people drinking around me...
Now, I don't mind at all...I have accepted my short coming is being addicted to alcohol. I choose not to drink to stay healthy and grounded envy will only bring relapse. Good question made me think...another thought, I suppose it is like gambling is to me. I could take it or leave it but an addicted gambler would probably feel envious of me leaving the table after 2 hands of 21.
Now, I don't mind at all...I have accepted my short coming is being addicted to alcohol. I choose not to drink to stay healthy and grounded envy will only bring relapse. Good question made me think...another thought, I suppose it is like gambling is to me. I could take it or leave it but an addicted gambler would probably feel envious of me leaving the table after 2 hands of 21.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I'm another one that used to be jealous of "normies". My last 2 years drinking took care of that problem. I was born with a heart defect and have had 2 open heart surgeries because of it. I know that in the past I have wondered why I had to deal with this and wished I was born with a normal heart. But that kind of thinking is futile because there is nothing I can do to change something I have no control over. Luckily the surgeries I have had allow me to live a fairly normal life.
I have also come to the conclusion that I have no control over alcohol either. It doesn't matter if I think it's unfair or wish I was normal it isn't going to change reality. I am also lucky that there is treatment for my alcoholism...staying sober lets me live a fairly normal life. The treatment for my heart disease and my alcoholism can be painful at times (in different ways), but I have learned a lot about life having had to deal with both of them. I can either dwell on them or use them to my advantage to become a stronger person.
I have also come to the conclusion that I have no control over alcohol either. It doesn't matter if I think it's unfair or wish I was normal it isn't going to change reality. I am also lucky that there is treatment for my alcoholism...staying sober lets me live a fairly normal life. The treatment for my heart disease and my alcoholism can be painful at times (in different ways), but I have learned a lot about life having had to deal with both of them. I can either dwell on them or use them to my advantage to become a stronger person.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
This spiritual journey made possible by giving up the drink is the greatest gift I could ever receive - I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's on the planet. What I got from the bottle was such a cheap imitation of joy that I'm shocked that it ever fooled me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I was more than a little jealous in the beginning... I was absolutely foot-stamping, hand-wringing bloody FURIOUS that I couldn't drink like other people!!!
I spent time being angry at myself that I couldn't, then angry and resentful of those that could, and then I just learned to accept that this is just how it is for me...
I tried to drink normally, I tried to moderate, I tried to set myself limits. No deal. It was far easier for me to just let go.
Now I don't spend much time around drinkers at all but when I do, I realise just how abnormal my drinking was compared to other people's. They really can take it or leave it. Amazing.
After a while I just stopped looking at alcohol with rose-coloured glasses. It almost took everything that was important to me away. It was poison and I'm much better off without it. X
I spent time being angry at myself that I couldn't, then angry and resentful of those that could, and then I just learned to accept that this is just how it is for me...
I tried to drink normally, I tried to moderate, I tried to set myself limits. No deal. It was far easier for me to just let go.
Now I don't spend much time around drinkers at all but when I do, I realise just how abnormal my drinking was compared to other people's. They really can take it or leave it. Amazing.
After a while I just stopped looking at alcohol with rose-coloured glasses. It almost took everything that was important to me away. It was poison and I'm much better off without it. X
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
The way I look at it is that people who can drink moderately can take it or leave it.They probably wouldn't mind if they never drank again. No need to be jealous
People who seem to drink moderately often don't and may well have their own inner demons with alcohol so definitely no need to bejealous there. Things aren't always what they seem
I thought I would be jealous but now, even if miraculously I could drink moderately,I wouldn't
People who seem to drink moderately often don't and may well have their own inner demons with alcohol so definitely no need to bejealous there. Things aren't always what they seem
I thought I would be jealous but now, even if miraculously I could drink moderately,I wouldn't
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
Nope. Not jealous at all.
I hate drinking. I hate the smell, the taste, the whole shebang.
The ONLY thing I like about it is the way it makes me feel. And that's not a drink or two, that means being borderline drunk.
Being able to have a drink at dinner or whatever means nothing to me.
I hate drinking. I hate the smell, the taste, the whole shebang.
The ONLY thing I like about it is the way it makes me feel. And that's not a drink or two, that means being borderline drunk.
Being able to have a drink at dinner or whatever means nothing to me.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Originally Posted by Crossfitdad
I read this forum pretty often and I see some of the responses to people who probably are concerned about their drinking. I wonder if some alcoholics are jealous of those who can drink in moderation and would rather see no one else drink since we can't. If we saw the drinking that goes on in college, we'd say that all those kids are alcoholics.
I think in terms of the forum responses, you need to look at the context. I think I'm like you... I lean towards saying "hey, maybe they should try moderation first and see what happens."
But I also recognize that the likelihood that someone whose sought out and registered on an abstinence website is going to be able to moderate is kind of slim... not because of anything more than the fact that they're worried enough to be considering it but also addicted enough that just making a moderation plan and sticking with it hasn't worked. By the time you get to asking for advice about moderation, you're basically saying that you're trying to moderate and it isn't working, you know what I mean?
Not at all the same as a friend in real life saying "I'm cutting back on my drinking," which I believe should be taken completely at face value. I would never even attempt to diagnose someone else.
But it's different when someone is essentially saying, "I've sought you out because of your alcoholism to ask you if you think I can moderate my drinking."
In which case my answer's probably going to be, "Give it a shot, but we probably wouldn't be having this conversation if you could."
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Sometimes i think i had a sobriety problem . I couldn't face it , i used to deny it and hide from it . Follow the story in my head rather than have to deal with reality which was at odds with my ideas .
Bestwishes, m
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
No, I am not jealous.
I drank to get drunk. That was my goal. If I was normal I would have to work at it.
The fact that I am an alcoholic made my goal easier. I wanted to get drunk and I was born with a system that not only allowed it but encouraged it.
Now I don't want to get drunk. So not drinking is the answer to that. Plain and simple.
I drank to get drunk. That was my goal. If I was normal I would have to work at it.
The fact that I am an alcoholic made my goal easier. I wanted to get drunk and I was born with a system that not only allowed it but encouraged it.
Now I don't want to get drunk. So not drinking is the answer to that. Plain and simple.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I am more envious of those who have suffered with it like I do, but have stayed sober for months and years. Normal drinkers were born with the ability to be normal. The Recovered have had to work for something glorious.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Good question and good thread, I think its good to get thoughts like these out here, its human nature to feel envious of people enjoying something that we've lost the ability to enjoy, at least that's how I look at it. Yeah sure im jealous of friends who can still drink without the guilt that I would have if I did. I sure don't miss the bad things that come after though, when these 'normies' can wake up the next day and don't desire it again to feel normal.
Its VERY hard to admit defeat, but Ive come to terms with the fact that I have abused my right to drink again, and I simply cant drink in moderation, if I only had enough money to buy two drinks, id rather have none because I know Id feel worse after the two wanting more and Id be miserable. Im all the way or nothing and nothing works better for me.
Thanks for the post though, its better to talk these feelings through rather than have inner turmoil fighting the AV.
Its VERY hard to admit defeat, but Ive come to terms with the fact that I have abused my right to drink again, and I simply cant drink in moderation, if I only had enough money to buy two drinks, id rather have none because I know Id feel worse after the two wanting more and Id be miserable. Im all the way or nothing and nothing works better for me.
Thanks for the post though, its better to talk these feelings through rather than have inner turmoil fighting the AV.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
I never craved to drink moderately, (I wanted to get drunk) so I don't envy those that can. I really don't even get drinking in moderation. A couple of drinks? For what? Waste of money and time if you aren't going to go get the full on buzz. The thought of having a 1-3 drinks and walking away does nothing for me. I didn't drink for the taste. I drank for the drunk.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Hi All, new here. Haven't formally introduced myself, heading to do that after this post.
My first question is what is "AV"? I can't find that in the acronym listing.
Next, to be honest, yes, jealousy is there. However, for me it's not all the time, just when I would have normally been drinking which is weekends. It's fleeting but it's present and I'm sure that many experience this in the beginning. You have to power through it. Come on here, go to a meeting, call someone, your sponsor (if you have one). Do whatever is necessary to get through that point in time. I have it from many alcoholics that have been sober for many years that while yes, you are always one drink away from being back to where you were, that it does get easier. I am holding on to that thought.
My first question is what is "AV"? I can't find that in the acronym listing.
Next, to be honest, yes, jealousy is there. However, for me it's not all the time, just when I would have normally been drinking which is weekends. It's fleeting but it's present and I'm sure that many experience this in the beginning. You have to power through it. Come on here, go to a meeting, call someone, your sponsor (if you have one). Do whatever is necessary to get through that point in time. I have it from many alcoholics that have been sober for many years that while yes, you are always one drink away from being back to where you were, that it does get easier. I am holding on to that thought.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Somewhere USA
Posts: 238
I don't think jealous is a good word, perhaps envious. Envious in the way I am over those who have a nice car, job, home, whatever. It's fleeting, and I never wish they didn't have those things just because I don't. Nor do I wish no-one can drink, just because I can't be responsible about it.
The only thing I miss, and only occasionally, is the taste of a good craft beer. But now that I have nearly 90 days sober under my belt, I certainly don't miss the effects that I'd get from that taste. Just not worth it anymore.
The only thing I miss, and only occasionally, is the taste of a good craft beer. But now that I have nearly 90 days sober under my belt, I certainly don't miss the effects that I'd get from that taste. Just not worth it anymore.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
My answer is the same as BikerAcct's response. I actually do really like the taste of craft beers and am envious of people who can enjoy one with dinner, but one for me leads to drunk. I mean, it would be nice to not be an alcoholic, but I am what I am.
LadyBlue - Welcome! AV stands for Alcoholic Voice. It took me a while to figure out as well.
LadyBlue - Welcome! AV stands for Alcoholic Voice. It took me a while to figure out as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527
My first question is what is "AV"? I can't find that in the acronym listing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
I used to be able to drink "moderately". Alchohol is a
Progressive disease, sooner or later it will catch up with most
Folks. The way I see it is, there is a cold spot On skid row waiting for all of us, some of us might just take longer to get there. So with that in mind, I do all
I can to avoid, people,places and things which might tempt or jeopardize my sobriety.
Being jealous of those still stuck in the cycle of getting loaded is no longer a issue for me , especially if I think it through and remember what it will
Probably feel like for them the next morning. Also as long as I don't drink i never have to worry about , D.U.I's or withdrawals. As long as I stay sober I know Better things will happen for me.
Progressive disease, sooner or later it will catch up with most
Folks. The way I see it is, there is a cold spot On skid row waiting for all of us, some of us might just take longer to get there. So with that in mind, I do all
I can to avoid, people,places and things which might tempt or jeopardize my sobriety.
Being jealous of those still stuck in the cycle of getting loaded is no longer a issue for me , especially if I think it through and remember what it will
Probably feel like for them the next morning. Also as long as I don't drink i never have to worry about , D.U.I's or withdrawals. As long as I stay sober I know Better things will happen for me.
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