PurelyImpure

Really feeling like pulling my hair out right now. I am a recovering addict of pretty much everything mind altering, but after a large battle a few years ago with opiates (after which I had accumulated two years of complete sobriety), marijuana has been my most recent downfall, along with a variety of other non-opiate prescription narcotics.

So I'm sitting here eating a late night snack of chicken noodle soup with my six year old who's having trouble sleeping, and there's a light knock on the door. I live in a small apartment building with only eight apartments in it, so I know every one of my neighbors pretty well. That being said, I normally wouldn't even answer the door this late, but one of my neighbors has had quite a few heart related scares lately, and with them not having transportation, I was worried they might need something. So I answered, but it wasn't my neighbors with the heart problem, it was my other neighbor - my other dealer neighbor. They asked if I had a cigarette, to which I just said no - something else I'm trying to quit. Then they go on to ask if I want to come over to smoke (marijuana). My brain went into instant panic mode, and was able to choke out, "No, I can't, I'm with my daughter right now," and frantically shut the door.

This has very much rattled me. So easily could I have snuck out for a few minutes with no one any the wiser - but I didn't. I'm here and freaking out a bit... okay, quite a bit. It's been pretty alright since I made the decision to stay sober again; not necessarily easy, but it's been alright, doable. This felt like it shook my foundations, and I was utterly unprepared for that. So now I'm in a place where distracting myself is key, hence the post. My apologies for the length, I just needed an outlet and someone besides myself to say, hey, you did the right thing - someone I can't eventually convince otherwise.

fallingtogether

You did do the right thing even if no one was none the wiser, you would still know and that would completely haunt you, if you are anything like me....

oak

Congrats on 8 days clean and sober.

You did do the right thing. It might help to rehearse saying no in the future. That can be tricky when you are surprised by a temptation. Good for you for saying no.

Dee74

I'm glad you did the right thing - and others are right...it will get easier.

the other thing to remember is...no matter how nice they seem, do not trust dealers - whether they be relatives, friends or neighbours - their priorities are always going to be different to yours from now on.

D

Living

Hang in there! Very proud of you for saying "NO" to the dealer.

FeelingGreat

Hey PI, you did great. It's not easy in the first few weeks and you've passed a huge test. Chalk it up in the positives column. And when you wake up tomorrow morning enjoy the virtuous feeling that you could have given in, but you didn't.

fantail

Congratulations!!

My DOC is alcohol and I live in shared housing, so at first it felt like a big burden that it would always be right under my nose...

But actually it's turned out that I just had to develop really strong willpower, which is kind of a pain, but also a blessing... it serves me well in other situations.

It looks like you're on the same road. It's hard but you can do it!!

Ohio1

I might sound a little cavalier here but I have had many dealers and contrary to the stereotypical image of the insane sociopath criminal most have been decent people who simply found a way to make money. I'm not saying leave your kids with them but you should probably tell them you are trying to get sober- you might be surprised at how understanding this person is. I have heard of many people whose dealers refused to sell them anything because they knew that particular person was struggling with sobriety.

Normally it would be best to cut them out of your life but you said you are neighbors in a small building so obviously that's not going to be an option completely.