lessgravity

Scott - Exactly. I even felt that way last night - bored, that there were more fun places to be. I won't mind ending up sober at some wild party this summer but in terms of just going out to a night of drinking - it was more I wanted to say happy bday to a friend and prove to my Beast he's coming up short these days.

Nu - Thanks so much. I find such inspiration on SR. We all conquer this addiction in our own ways. For me it's with teeth bared and knuckles up.

Stay strong.

MIRecovery

Every time I got in the ring with King alcohol I got the crap nocked out of me. It took 30 years to concede defeat.Will power was never enough because alcohol would always find me at my moment of weakness and convince me this time would be different. 6 years without alcohol and then one glass of wine led me to four years of horror. almost 4 years sober and I still avoid drinking situations but I can tolerate them if I have to.

Sonrisa12

Less Gravity - I love your conviction too - especially living in the big apple. I too live in NYC and its bloody hard sometimes with the retaurants, bars, thousands of excuses to drink in this city. I too am like you - rather face it down and stick to my guns and not let it get the best of me. To be 'stronger' than it, right? And I did just that. I went to bars and places and just didn't drink - a fact that I was mighty proud of. I will tell you a bit of my story and how strong I was...

Decided on 100 days of sobriety - and I did it. Lost 15 lbs, got in sick shape, never felt better. Went to bars, parties, restaurants and I was alcohol free and I didnt give a crap what anyone thought or felt about it. I thought - Im invincible. I can handle anything. Hey, I overcame alcohol! I felt in control, felt able to tackle anything and everything. So at Day 103 out with a friend, I had that glass of wine. I enjoyed it immensely. I took my time with it, savored it, the velvety texture going right to my brain making me feel amazing. After it was done, the want was there to have another. The only reason I didn't was that my friend didn't want another, so I didn't partake. Of course, I just HAD to look in the mini bar at the end of the night. But hey, I didn't do that either. Why? Because I was stronger than that. I let it go. Yes, I thought in my head - I finally had a handle on alcohol, once and for all. Boy I was proud of myself!

Next few days were sober free, then a dinner invitation and then a two glasses of wine came and went. I wanted more but I didn't..the story continues like this until two years later -each time a bit more alcohol that I forgot how much I was actually drinking each night. It got progressively worse to where I was three weeks ago - bottle of wine, some beers, cognac each and every night - where I forgot what it felt like to be sober for a good year almost. I realized my AV is always there talking to me and the battle of this is so overwhelming. I got so used to it not even being a battle anymore this year that I overdid it more times than I can count.

I guess the reason I am sharing my story is to write that I understand where you are coming from - how you tackle this - and I wish you the best of luck with it. I realize now that it will be a constant battle with me and that I can moderate a few times but eventually it gets its nails so deep in me I lose myself and my rational thought. Maybe its not like this for everyone - but for me it is - and Im an incredibly strong willed person.

I enjoy reading your posts very much as I when I read them it reminds me of ME. lol. Or how I think about things or what I might do about a situation. Regardless - I wish you the best luck with your sobriety. Tomorrow is day 12 for me. Wish I could report that I felt great - I don't. This time around is harder. Much harder. I'm praying it gets better.

ru12

Hi Less,

You are only powerless if you believe that you are

By the way, I love your attitude. I've not drank for over 2.5 years and I can go wherever I please. I've even helped a friend rack a few cases of homebrew. Not an issue. I don't drink. Ever. And I did that.

MAlan

I have successfully hung out at a party, bar whatever n stayed dry. The thing is, the first few times its actually fun because its different. It's humorous to watch and be the sober one. But quickly that gets old and you want to be part of that crowd again. I remember being in a bar and a few times being totally scared that I would unconsciously grab a drink and just pound it without even thinking! It's really a strange feeling, I hope you can stay the "sober one".

FreeFall

Scott had some great points and hanging in the bar does get old very quickly. I find I go a lot to say hi to friends, but rarely stay long. Long enough to catch up on news and be part of the group, but not long enough to be wasting time that I could be doing something productive or interesting.
I'm now working on finding things that might actually be fun too.

For people that are still going to bars to socialize you do have to be really careful to recognize the AV getting sneaky. It is a continuing battle-it can feel easy for months and then out of nowhere you're battling a huge craving in a tempting situation.