New here. I'm a friend who's just let go
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lenexa, Kansas
Posts: 10
New here. I'm a friend who's just let go
Hi, all,
I'm here to learn and, hopefully, share support.
I just finished a final (for now, maybe for always) phone call with a dear friend who has multiple addictions and also PTSD. It hurts, a lot, but she was lucid and we managed to end things in a loving sort of way. She'd been trying to push me away, off & on, for a while, but I hadn't been involved before with anyone w/ severe substance abuse problems, and it took me a long time to 'get' exactly how bad things could become.
I don't know which way things will go for her. I'm hoping for the best, but I know things don't always go that way. I choose to hope for her, though, even if she gets better & can't be in contact with me because it would be a trigger for her.
So I guess it's time to think about my own life, grieve and start recovering. I have co-dependent history, dating back to my mother's severe & untreated mental illness when I was a child. I married a seriously messed-up & verbally abusive guy (twice), and had a number of unhealthy friendships. I thought I'd gotten things figured-out, but, well...
I met this friend online, and we talked a great deal on the phone for several years, though we never met in person. There were some red flags, but it was a combination of not wanting to see them, and not knowing, for quite a while, that she was abusing & not having a history with substance abusers.
I'm seeing a trauma therapist who's really good, though I can only afford to see him once a month. And I do have some sane friends, which is good.
But right now, I'm really sad. And that's all there is to that.
I'm going to check out the secular boards, here, so you won't see me on the regular 12-step boards. If you've gotten this far, thanks for listening.
I'm here to learn and, hopefully, share support.
I just finished a final (for now, maybe for always) phone call with a dear friend who has multiple addictions and also PTSD. It hurts, a lot, but she was lucid and we managed to end things in a loving sort of way. She'd been trying to push me away, off & on, for a while, but I hadn't been involved before with anyone w/ severe substance abuse problems, and it took me a long time to 'get' exactly how bad things could become.
I don't know which way things will go for her. I'm hoping for the best, but I know things don't always go that way. I choose to hope for her, though, even if she gets better & can't be in contact with me because it would be a trigger for her.
So I guess it's time to think about my own life, grieve and start recovering. I have co-dependent history, dating back to my mother's severe & untreated mental illness when I was a child. I married a seriously messed-up & verbally abusive guy (twice), and had a number of unhealthy friendships. I thought I'd gotten things figured-out, but, well...
I met this friend online, and we talked a great deal on the phone for several years, though we never met in person. There were some red flags, but it was a combination of not wanting to see them, and not knowing, for quite a while, that she was abusing & not having a history with substance abusers.
I'm seeing a trauma therapist who's really good, though I can only afford to see him once a month. And I do have some sane friends, which is good.
But right now, I'm really sad. And that's all there is to that.
I'm going to check out the secular boards, here, so you won't see me on the regular 12-step boards. If you've gotten this far, thanks for listening.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome Natasia. I hope you'll find the friendship and support you're looking for here. This is a very caring, helpful community.
You may want to check out the Friends & Family Forums too. There are many people dealing with the pain of a friend/loved one's addiction & they'll understand. I'm glad you reached out.
You may want to check out the Friends & Family Forums too. There are many people dealing with the pain of a friend/loved one's addiction & they'll understand. I'm glad you reached out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome to SR Natasia 
Just so you know, the Family and Friends forums are open to anyone.
The proportion of people using 12 step programmes is probably about the same as it is in this forum....50/50 maybe at a generous guess?
D
Just so you know, the Family and Friends forums are open to anyone.
The proportion of people using 12 step programmes is probably about the same as it is in this forum....50/50 maybe at a generous guess?
D
to the family! 
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
I've had to let go of a few friends too. It hurts. Kind of like any relationship that's been long term, whether it's online or not...it hurts for quite a while.
My own journey through a very bad incident in my life caused ptsd symptoms to rear up. I kept looking for a way to stop those feelings. Looking for a pill, a therapy method, grief counseling, online support..ANY WAY I could go back to "normal me" that didn't jump out of my skin at the drop of a hat, who wasn't suspicious of nearly everyone, who completely checked out of life and isolated.
In the end, I learned I'd never go back to exactly who I was before but I'd be ok...it would get better.
Key tho', really key thing was to surround myself with people that didn't trigger me with their own stuff. I'm glad you've make this break that you needed. I'm glad for me too that I made those really tough choices. Everything got a lot better in time.
take care
My own journey through a very bad incident in my life caused ptsd symptoms to rear up. I kept looking for a way to stop those feelings. Looking for a pill, a therapy method, grief counseling, online support..ANY WAY I could go back to "normal me" that didn't jump out of my skin at the drop of a hat, who wasn't suspicious of nearly everyone, who completely checked out of life and isolated.
In the end, I learned I'd never go back to exactly who I was before but I'd be ok...it would get better.
Key tho', really key thing was to surround myself with people that didn't trigger me with their own stuff. I'm glad you've make this break that you needed. I'm glad for me too that I made those really tough choices. Everything got a lot better in time.
take care
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