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First post - Xanax withdrawals

Old 06-17-2013, 05:15 AM
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First post - Xanax withdrawals

So, I have lurked here for a bit, but once my script was filled life was ok again. I can't believe I'm here. I am in my 30's with 2 great kids, a good job, and a good relationship. NO ONE knows about my Xanax problem -except my dr. My partner doesn't even know I've had a script... For 2 years. I'm so ashamed. I do have general anxiety disorder - heart racing, sweating, diarrhea, etc over "small stuff."
Two years ago my dr. Prescribed .5 mg of Xanax. By six months I was at 1 mg, and today I'm at 2.... Or supposed to be. I usually take 3-4 a day and runout about 20 days into a script, live in hell for a week to ten days, then refill.
Last week when I called in my refill my dr's nurse left me a vm stating that she would no longer refill the Xanax and that I'd need to be seen.
I was leaving for vacation the next day. I didn't feel much detox - probably easier on an island with a drink in hand. But now I'm back, and going back to my stressful job. I called my dr. Friday am - and she is out of the country for 22 days. Her nurse was rude and made me feel like a drug seeker when I asked about tapering.
As of now I'm achy, heart palpitations, tearful, can't sleep, and can't keep a single thought in my head - mind racing. I don't know what to do. I know that it's time to stop, but I don't know how. I feel like going to another doctor will certainly not be a good idea - with the situation I'm in, I'm afraid it
Would be seen as dr shopping. I've looked up
Drs in my area that specialize in benzo addictions and can't find one.
I can't talk to anyone because I've kept
This a secret so long. Any help or advice is appreciated.
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:48 AM
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Welcome Katt. It can be very dangerous going cold turkey off benzo's. You really should talk to a doctor, not to get another script but to let them know about your addiction so they can help you. Benzo w/ds are terrible and as I said dangerous. Good luck
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:55 AM
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How would another doctor help without writing a script? Are there medications similar to sub? I am just so fearful of going to a dr I have no rapport with. I'm so ashamed.
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:07 AM
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Dont be ashamed Katt, these drugs grab on to us with a tight grip. I abused Xanax for a few years, but its been maybe 5 years since I quit them. I went to rehab for only 3 days ( I thought that was enough time lol ) after I left rehab I went to outpatient, but they didnt taper me nor did they give me any kind of medication to help, I still dont understand why " they " let me go CT, when I see now how dangerous it can be. Have you considered rehab? It does take a long time to recover from Benzo's and the w/ds are really bad ( my experience ) but Im living proof it can be done
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:13 AM
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Katt, it sounds like you've not used any Xanax for a week or so. For safety reasons, you should see a Dr. You will have to tell the Dr. about your dependency. There is no shame in that, the Dr. should understand. Make it clear that you want to stop.

But . . . if they prescribe more Xanax, you're right back where you started. Do you think you could taper down if you get another Rx?
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:18 AM
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Hi Katt-
What a miserable hell benzo WD is.. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic attacks and put on 3 mgs of Xanax per day, 2 mgs of klonopin. Long story short I did a CT from the klonopin and "tapered" off the Xanax rather quickly after 2 and a half years of taking it daily.
I will not sugar coat the hell I was in. However, when all was said and done getting off those pills was the best decision I ever made. I thought I loved those pills .... funny thing is when I actually stopped taking them and the WD was over... I felt alive for the first time in years. No crying at the drop of a hat or walking around in a daze. Anyway...
I must say, in my experience, you may survive a ct off benzos but, IT IS NOT GOOD. Find a doctor to help you taper off slowly if possible. GL-
Jess
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:22 AM
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I think I could taper down, yes. I could be diligent about taking the recommended dose. I really WANT off.
I can't even figure out how I would go to rehab. I have two kids and I'm a single parent, and also a very demanding job.
I called a clinic in my city that treats opioid addiction. I asked about benzos and they said they treat that too, with suboxone, but everything I've read contradicts this. Any thoughts?
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
Hi Katt-
What a miserable hell benzo WD is.. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic attacks and put on 3 mgs of Xanax per day, 2 mgs of klonopin. Long story short I did a CT from the klonopin and "tapered" off the Xanax rather quickly after 2 and a half years of taking it daily.
I will not sugar coat the hell I was in. However, when all was said and done getting off those pills was the best decision I ever made. I thought I loved those pills .... funny thing is when I actually stopped taking them and the WD was over... I felt alive for the first time in years. No crying at the drop of a hat or walking around in a daze. Anyway...
I must say, in my experience, you may survive a ct off benzos but, IT IS NOT GOOD. Find a doctor to help you taper off slowly if possible. GL-
Jess
Jess - any ideas on how to find a doc to help me taper? I have searched all over the Internet and can't find anything local to me that specializes in benzo addiction.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:14 AM
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I think it would be very hard to find a local doctor versed in benzo withdrawal and who also adheres to the tapering philosophy of getting off the drug.

I also think, as a benzo survivor, that reading all of the horrid tales of woe on the Internet about benzo withdrawal can be detrimental. THe power of suggesting was strong when I first got off benzos. If I read about it, I got it.

I don't mean to belittle what you are experiencing. I know it's very real and I went cold turkey after a decade run on Klonopin, the last year of which I was prescribed 20 milligrams a day. It was life threatening experience, for sure.

But if you have been off a week and while being extremely uncomfortable, able to get through your daily tasks, you might be able to weather this storm. I've known several people who were able to get through going cold turkey from a couple of milligrams of Xanax or Klonopin after having a tough road for just a few weeks.

But to your immediate concern, I am sure the nurse for your present prescribing doctor just thinks you are drug seeking and has no clue to the hell going cold turkey from benzos can be.

There must be a doctor who is filling in for your vacationing doctor. I would call the nurse and tell her you insist on seeing this doctor, let it be known upfront that you have been taking more than prescribed and are going through withdrawal and that you need a strict tapering program.

I also found posting here to be beneficial to recovery, but I couldn't turn on my computer for the first month of my withdrawal.

Good luck.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by MemphisBlues View Post
I think it would be very hard to find a local doctor versed in benzo withdrawal and who also adheres to the tapering philosophy of getting off the drug.

I also think, as a benzo survivor, that reading all of the horrid tales of woe on the Internet about benzo withdrawal can be detrimental. THe power of suggesting was strong when I first got off benzos. If I read about it, I got it.

I don't mean to belittle what you are experiencing. I know it's very real and I went cold turkey after a decade run on Klonopin, the last year of which I was prescribed 20 milligrams a day. It was life threatening experience, for sure.

But if you have been off a week and while being extremely uncomfortable, able to get through your daily tasks, you might be able to weather this storm. I've known several people who were able to get through going cold turkey from a couple of milligrams of Xanax or Klonopin after having a tough road for just a few weeks.

But to your immediate concern, I am sure the nurse for your present prescribing doctor just thinks you are drug seeking and has no clue to the hell going cold turkey from benzos can be.

There must be a doctor who is filling in for your vacationing doctor. I would call the nurse and tell her you insist on seeing this doctor, let it be known upfront that you have been taking more than prescribed and are going through withdrawal and that you need a strict tapering program.

I also found posting here to be beneficial to recovery, but I couldn't turn on my computer for the first month of my withdrawal.

Good luck.
I don't feel you are belittling me. I was sort of thinking the same, that if I'm this far, could I keep going an get through it? I am not sure how long the withdrawals would last. It seems they are worse each day, but I didn't really notice it terribly until about 5 days off.
There are other doctors in her practice. I'm not going to schedule just yet.
I have read about supplements etc that can help - Ltheanine for one.
Any thoughts on that?
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:26 AM
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My only experience with Xanax is what I've read here, but I agree that since you're a week into this, keep going. Don't look back. Hopefully you can get checked out by a dr soon, but it sounds like you're doing well.
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:05 AM
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Katt-
I was super lucky in that my prescribing doc at the time helped me to taper off the Xanax. The CT off the klonopin was my bright idea.... she helped me immensely though.

If you have been completely off of them for a week then your CNS is probably already dealing with the WD. That was the worst part for me. Do you feel you can stick it out? Jess
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:17 AM
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At this point I feel like I should try. I ordered something online called theanine serene. It is supposed to help with the increased heart rate and tight chest. I am hopeful maybe with that I can just stay off for now. I did schedule an appt for weds with another doctor in the practice. I don't know him at all so I have no idea what to expect.
I just wish it wasn't so mind consuming.
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Old 06-17-2013, 11:56 AM
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It is absolutely horribly mind consuming... as you brilliantly put it. The herbal stuff really does help. I still drink herbal tea nightly... something I learned from my months of benzo wd. Also, don't expect a massive change overnight. Be really patient with yourself and your body. IMHO, the ct was really bad but, even at the end of a 6 month taper the wd was bad. The stuff just sucks to come off of.

Keep us informed... Jess
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:21 PM
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Today got really really bad. I called the doctors office back and ask them to please move my appointment to first thing tomorrow morning. I am very nervous. I don't know if this doctor at all. It's also my birthday tomorrow so.... I'm sulking. Wish I'd never met this drug.
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:12 PM
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Well, if you're concerned, then moving the appointment forward was a good idea. Hopefully the new dr will be able to answer your questions. I sure do know about the mental obsession involved in addiction.

Happy Birthday tomorrow!
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:46 PM
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Thanks! wow... This day. Came home to a letter that I'm being audited from 2011. So much for anxiety control. Sorry. Pity party tonight at my place!
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Katt1825 View Post
Thanks! wow... This day. Came home to a letter that I'm being audited from 2011. So much for anxiety control. Sorry. Pity party tonight at my place!
Is it an actual audit, or is it the IRS just questioning or disagreeing with something on your return? I ask because many people misuse the word "audit" when it's really just an issue that requires sending some supporting documentation to the IRS to back up an entry on your tax return.

If it's the latter, don't sweat it too much. I go through that every other year or so and it's always be resolved in my favor with one our two letters to the IRS.
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by FeenixxRising View Post

Is it an actual audit, or is it the IRS just questioning or disagreeing with something on your return? I ask because many people misuse the word "audit" when it's really just an issue that requires sending some supporting documentation to the IRS to back up an entry on your tax return.

If it's the latter, don't sweat it too much. I go through that every other year or so and it's always be resolved in my favor with one our two letters to the IRS.
It's an actual audit. I did make an honest mistake and now owe money. Really it's the least of my worries right now with all this.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:00 PM
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Well here's the update. I don't really feel much better about it.
I saw another doc in the practice today. Last night I was having brain zaps (for lack of a better word) and slept about two hours. I went in sobbing and told him everything. He was kind.
He did say that Xanax needed to be brought back in and tapered. He wrote me a script for 2mg daily and said that in six weeks we'd start the taper. His reasoning was this - he is also starting me on Effexor. He said after 6 weeks in that, coping with the taper would be easier.
I don't love the idea of delaying the taper but its all I have for now - HOWEVER - I hit a roadblock.
I took both scripts to the pharmacy. When I went to pick it up, they gave me the Effexor but refused to fill the Xanax. I tried to explain the situation to them and the drs plan, and they said that I'd have to have him call them directly.
This is such a pain and so embarrassing. So now I'm supposed to call the dr and tell them the pharmacy thinks I'm a junkie?! I don't even know how to handle this. I did everything that I was told and am trying to follow the dr direction and keep a focus on what's ahead.
It's just been another trying day - with chest pains, crying, achy body, and horrible coping ability.
Any advice is welcome....
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