LazyBonez

Well I finally got my first month down. It feels like 5 months... but it also feels like no months. I've had a problem for about 10 years, since I was 14. I have never gone a single day without getting loaded in those 10 years.. Half a day was as long as I could go until now. I've been physically hooked on so many substances it's ridiculous. In order to avoid w/d from one drug, I'd just use another drug, and then get hooked on that... The main thing tempting me lately is alcohol. It's so hard to resist going to the liquor store and getting a bottle. I feel like it's inevitable that I'm going to relapse. But today I finally have an appointment to see a Dr. about anxiety and depression. He specializes in addiction so he won't prescribe me anything that will ruin me more.
My anxiety has been through the roof this entire month. Even just leaving the house to go to the store I get so worked up that I start shaking, and get light headed, and feel like a nervous wreck.... My heart rate is steadily over 100 BPM, even when resting. and my blood pressure is insanely high as well. Sometimes I literally feel like I'm about to die. I have been going to sleep around 11pm, and waking up at 4am against my will. All I want is for this anxiety to go down, and to be able to sleep longer. Also, I have 0 motivation to do anything. I've been lying around all day everyday, not doing anything at all except for eating and watching TV. I go to AA and NA meetings a few times a week too, but I have never started working the steps despite hearing countless times that I need to work the steps, or else I'm destined to relapse. I just feel like I've reached a point where I'm stuck. I don't know what to do to move forward.

least

I'm glad you're seeing your doctor for help for your anxiety and depression. Remember, one month sober is still pretty early in recovery. Your body and brain are still healing and getting back to normal functioning. Give yourself time.

And relapse is never 'inevitable'. It is planned. And you don't have to relapse. Make your desire to be sober stronger than any desire to drink. You can do this.

Soberpotamus

Congrats on your month! It's still early on and your body and brain are beginning to normalize... what is your caffeine intake like? And do you smoke? These two can really set you back in recovery, from what I've read. I had to cut down and watch my coffee intake daily. Also, have you started walking or any type of exercise? This will also help with the anxiety and insomnia.

LazyBonez

Thanks yall. I don't drink caffeine, and I quit smoking back in january. I do need to start getting exercise. I've done a little bit of lifting weights, but nothing serious. Cardio exercise is probably needed. It's really hard to get motivated. Just being here and at meetings really helps with cravings.

totfit

Congrats for the month. Probably what would help you more that anything including steps would be to get up and out and get some exercise. Get up and out and keep doing it till you feel like doing it and eventually feel like you are missing it if you don't. One of my biggest issues in the past was that I think I always knew what I needed to do. I did not have to be told what I needed. The issue was always that I just needed to do it. Glad you are hanging in there. I am a not so very young guy and folks always ask me about my running and say they need to do something. I just tell them that I do it not out of virtue, but because it beats taking medication. The part I leave out is ..............or drinking.