Threshold

Was talking to a dear friend yesterday about last weekend. She told me her daughter, just graduated from college, had recently attended a few AA meetings...but she doesn't want anyone to know. (I don't count as I'm in recovery myself)

Still and all, she and her daughter went to a bar over the weekend to hear a band. The daughter began buying both of them drinks...till they were both staggering drunk and had spent way more money than was reasonable.

The next day my friend was puking so bad and had such a horrific hangover her husband considered taking her to ER.

My friend tells me she is very angry at her daughter...for buying her all those drinks that made her ill! Also for spending so much money when she doesn't yet have a job.

Then she asks me if there is anything she can do to support her daughter's sobriety...hide the liquor that's in the house etc?

My friend regularly holds drinking parties at her home that includes her daughters and their friends. She regularly goes to bars with them and gets drunk...sometimes to the point of needing to be carried to the car.

But she is angry at her daughter for "making her drink"....Hmmm....

Part of me wanted to suggest that she support her daughter by attending a few AA meetings WITH her...maybe she'd identify a little with them herself.
I listened and told her that yes, I think getting the booze out of the home, not throwing drinking parties and not going to bars with her daughter would all be good ways of supporting her sobriety. I hope my friend will see that what's good for the daughter is good for mom as well.

She has no problem recognizing her daughter's drinking problem, but she is blind to her own.

SereneEdition

Sounds like you were very supportive & that you're friend is lucky to have someone in her life she can reach out to.

Admitting having a problem with alcohol is a process. It's often easier to approach it to get exposure through someone else.

The suggestions that since mom has been a companion through the drinking activities that she not remove that close activity companionship and go to some AA meetings (in an assistance role) as well as a great form of support & she may get the exposure to start questioning some of her behaviors, is a sound one.

Threshold

When I speak to her again, maybe I will suggest that then.

My friend says she has no idea how this happened, that she and her husband only ever modeled responsible, social drinking to the girls!

wiscsober

Thanks for the post....you were very supportive

I'd let it go at that...both women's drinking(problems) are their own responsibilities.

And when and if they choose sobriety that also is their responsibility.

I have seen a few parents and their children in meetings...but not many...

Personally, with my son who is in recovery the help came to him outside of the family.
Even with his parents, grandparents, nieces, uncles all with some experiences with recovery programs.

I would not be comfortable attending meetings regularly with him, AA or Alanon. I have strict boundaries with my recovery...and even in non-alcoholic homes, there are just things I'd rather not hear about my son, nor tell him...

Thanks again, I'd just stay supportive without giving her more advice.

Mizzuno

Whats that whole river Denial Egypt thing?
You are a good friend. All of the suggestions are great without blatantly telling her that she may have a little problem herself. It takes one to no one ya know? Hopefully she will come around to seeing things a little more clearly. I might of added that " Your daughter did not make you drink all that alcohol, there is some willingness" This may be harsh though. I dont know. Im learning how to speak a little more gently.